Best weekend ever, kinda.

So yes, I know and I'm sorry that I haven't posted in...is it 3 days? Part of that was me going waaaaaay overboard with food Friday and Saturday. Not a binge really, just normal eating that my little tummy couldn't really handle. And despite knowing I put myself offtrack, I must say I rather enjoyed indulging myself.

Friday was the best ever. I told you all on Thursday I went to see the dance class spring show. Well Friday night I went to see the university Dance team's spring show. Those two night of dancing really lit a fire under my ass to make that team. I've been working on my turns and leaps all weekend and hopefully tomorrow after dance class my teacher will be able to help my technique some more.
As for food: I wasn't planning on eating after Friday's show...but me and my friend Briana were really in the mood for sweet stuff. We went to Safeway (LOVE that place) and I got some mini eclairs and tuxedos (generic oreos) and afterwards we ate at Jack in the Box. Let me just say, I am in LOVE with their tacos and hadn't had any since last summer, so I ate four. Best. Night. Ever. Also pretty fattening, damn.

Saturday wasn't much better. I started off trying to eat minimally, but I caved and ordered chinese takeout late in the night. =/     I need better control, but damn I just can't say no to sweet and sour chicken. .

Sunday was a work day. I have about 35% of all my finals stuff done, which is very much on track. My net total was probably around 400? It was less than 500 for sure, but I ate quite a bit of tuxedos. I went to the gym though , so that burned off a lot of calories.

Today is a FAST. I need to get to 118 by dance team tryouts (which the facebook group still hasn't posted anything up about, even though I'm sure they're less than a week away). Good new: my weekend overeating only resulted in gaining one lb. I'm 121.75 lbs. If I fast all day today and stay in the negatives until Friday, I think I can do it. I at least want to break into the teen. That would be awesome.

Yay, I finally got to 50 followers! Thank you Scarlett for hopping aboard the vessel.

And to the rest of my lovely followers: please check out Scarlett's blog Blemished Bijou. It's been up since February and only has 2 followers (one of which is the ever awesome Olivia Lee) other than myself. I know we can be more supportive than that!

Alright, that just about sums it up. I'm planning on not having any food intake to post for later, so I'll save the next post for anything crazy that happens in the meantime.

Thinspo for the days since I've been away:

♥ Toni

Back from the dead

Wow. I haven't posted since Thursday. Sorry if I haven't been commenting as frequently as I used to, but I've been reading everyone's posts. Like I said, this weekend was filled with stuff to do. Even with all of my planning I still stayed up until 2 :30 am last night writing an essay that was due at 8 am this morning.

Up to 48 followers! Surprising, since I didn't update all weekend, but thank you just the same. =)

Alright, so Saturday and Sunday were the big cheer tryouts. I didn't make the team. That's not really a huge issue for me at this point since I'd rather be dancing anyway, but I have great news. On Saturday we learned all the cheers and the dance and did some stunting. I have zero experience in cheerleading, much less in stunting. There are basically only two positions you can be: base or flyer. Guess which one I was told to be? Flyer! It was a big deal for me because I know only small girls do flying. I know I'm short and that had something to do with it but of course if you're 5'2" and 155 lbs you're pretty much going to lose over someone 30 lbs less than you. It just made me feel really good, like I'm actually getting somewhere with this weight loss.

So yeah, like I said I didn't make the cheer team, but that's ok. This weekend the dance team is performing their spring show and the weekend after they're holding tryouts for next year's team. If I don't make the cut I'll be extremely disappointed, but there's always tryouts again in the fall. Yay desperation! Haha but I did buy some split sole canvas ballet slippers. I used to own some but I lent them to a friend who now goes to CSU Longbeach. Needless to say I'm not getting them back. The replacements were only $20, and I'm enrolled in Jazz II for fall quarter so they'll come in handy.

I'm also officially declared a film pre-major, something I'm super excited about because it gives me higher priority for enrollment in film classes than non majors.

So maybe you guessed it but I'm kind of tip toeing around food. This weekend was pretty much a disaster. I ate a LOT. I'm hoping the weight gain isn't too bad. If it's not terrible (121-122) I'm aiming to be less that 118 by dance tryouts/my birthday (it's in 2 weeks! WTF?!) and if I'm anything over 123 my goal will be to get to at least 118. Just to be safe I'm keeping my food intake extra low and will be hitting the gym for a good hour to make up for it, although I'm suuuuuuuuuper sore from this weekend.

Ok, will update later. Promise.

The Meaning of Life

Yes, the number of followers has reached that point. 42: the meaning of life.

My weekend was so-so. We'll see exactly how bad it was when in weigh in today.

Saturday was relatively ok. I had a turkey sandwich that I made in the dining hall. Bread (120 cal), 3 oz turkey (90 cal), 3 slices cheddar cheese (115 cal), and pickles, mustard, and lettuce (10 cal). I also had an orange (60 cal), some frozen yogurt (50cal), and a small piece of a blondie (45 cal) for a total of 490 calories. Then I burned 565 calories off with some jogging and the elliptical. I drank 2 L of water and got 8 hours of sleep, so another 80 point day for the 10 Day Diet.

Yesterday was kind of a blip. I had Easter candy and chips and was going to leave it at that because it was under 500 calories, but I ended up eating dinner which was a slice of pizza, some vegan chili, granola squares, and 1 piece of french toast. It's likely under 1000 calories total but I felt super terrible about it after, so I'm fasting today until I weigh in. Plus I didn't get any exercise yesterday, so my point count is only 50. =/

Today so far I've only had a cup of coffee with 3/4 tbsp of creamer (25 cal) and water, and I'm hoping I'll pee most of that out by 5. If I've gained anything more than 1 lb than I'll just fast until tomorrow's dance class. =)

So less than 3 weeks until cheer tryouts and about a month until dance tryouts. I need to be 118 in 19 days. We'll see how feasible that is once I've weighed in. If nothing else I want to be 118 by dance tryouts, which gives me an extra two weeks, so maybe 115. I'm going to have to work hard, but I think I can give it a go.

Ok, I'll post what I see on the scale later tonight and have more thinspiration for you lovely ladies soon.

♥ Toni


Later:
125.25. Only .75 lbs up from Friday. I can deal with that. It wasn't a full lb, so I allowed myself to eat dinner, but tomorrow I'm planning on going the whole day without food. At least until after dance class. So by the time I get home it'll be about 10 pm. That's...28 hours of fasting I believe. I just want to see a new number. I want 123. 122. 121...all the way down to 118.

Upside: I'm getting tanner. =)

Another upside: Remember the post on Thursday about jazz class and how I died afterwards because my teacher asked me to do the dance so many times? Today she told me I was the absolute best one in that routine.

This was me today:

And I really needed it at the time, too. It's that time of year again: the dance/drill team I was on in high school just got done with their week of tryouts and today they announced who made leadership. I was getting my nostalgia on like you wouldn't believe, but I was also really jealous because all that time I put into that team bubbled back up and the memory of never getting on leadership crept into my brain. Captain, co-captain, Senior Lieutenant, Junior Lieutenant. I was never any of it. But the past has passed. All I hope for now is to make the cheer or dance team. I'll worry about leadership only after I've crossed that bridge.

Ok food time. I've only had dinner, and tonight was Meatless Monday in my dining hall, so I had some vegetarian nachos (205 cal), veggie lasagna (95 cal), 6 oz. of Pepsi (75 cal), and 3 oz of apple crisp (135 cal), plus that coffee this morning (25 cal) equals 535 calories. Not ideal, but my all-day fast tomorrow should take care of it. Plus I burned 300 calories at dance today so my net total is 235 calories. I skipped the gym. I just really wasn't feeling up to it.

Ariana: It's ok! I totally fell off the 10 Day Diet my first go around. I'm planning on pretty much just making this a 30 Day Diet, so just jump back on after the first 10 days are up and we'll be on track together. =)

Speaking of the 10 Day Diet. My point total today is 70. 10 for food, 20 for everything else.

Motivation:

Waiting for the days when I 

can look this good in gym clothes.

Regular Day

Finally the weekend. My gym time was much needed, my intake was good, I have most of my living situation figured out for next year, so it was a good day. My weigh-in today was at 131. I was hoping for 130 but this was good for how much food and water was in my system at the time. Only 2 lbs until my next goal and 3.3 lbs until I get back into the "normal" weight range for my height (127.7 lbs).

Emma and Olivia: I'm sorry, I don't know the recipe for the chili. =(
It's labeled "Stockpot Vegan Chili" in the dining halls at my university so I think they just make a whole bunch and store it in the freezer to keep on hand. The nutrition info is provided though so next time I see it I'll see if they have the ingredients listed, promise. It's mostly stuff like beans, broccoli and cauliflower, some sort of mild pepper, carrots, and other veggies. I only had 5 oz. which is why the calorie count was only 55. 8 oz. is somewhere around 90.

Today I did well food-wise. Breakfast was a bagel crisp with a swiss cheese triangle (55 cal) and a gogurt (70 cal) for a total of 125 calories. Lunch was 1/4 of a cup of shepherd's pie (100 cal), 1/2 cup of cheese tortellini with marinara sauce (200 cal), a sugar cookie (120 cal), and a small piece of peach crisp with whipped cream (155 cal) for a total of 575 calories. And for dinner I had marinated veggies and turkey salad (150 cal) and a small plate of nachos (225 cal) plus this marshmallow candy thing (30 cal) for a total of 405 calories. Minus the 680 I worked off at the gym and it comes to 425 calories, 25 under my goal. Good day.

On a different note I haven't been reading as much of Wasted as I've been wanting to because of studying and homework. Plus I still have Going Hungry that I haven't started. Ugh hopefully I'll get around to them soon.

Ok thinspo time. It's been a few days and I know we all enjoy a little motivation. So here's the outfits-I-hope-I-look-as-good-in-as-these-girls-when-I'm-thin bunch:

Boots that hit the mid calf = unflattering on most body types, except thin.

I'm still waiting to wear the half dozen or so

knee-high socks I have in my drawers. I keep

buying them knowing that my legs look terrible in them. =/

Oh how I long for the day I can wear a

body-hugging dress and not feel fat.

A dash of Frieda Rose:

Shorts and high tops? Not so good on a short, chubby-legged girl.

Body-hugging dress and high tops? One day, one day...

Alright so there you have it, my dream closet. I hope everybody has had a good week and is ready for a great weekend!

♥ Toni

Rainy Little Weekend

I thought about waiting until tomorrow to write another post - homework and such that needs to be done - but I've been in a procrastinating mood for the past four hours or so and thought I'd ramble about my day. =)

First off it's been raining all day. Bummer...I had to walk to the library to get some books for my essay on Invasion of the Body Snatchers and it was not fun. Other than that I've been in the dorm building all day (save for meal times) doing laundry, taking a shower, reading, pretty much anything that's not writing my essay, although I did open one of the books I checked out to gather source material. Such an exciting day right?

Food intake wasn't bad for not going to the gym. I had half a bagel with butter (100 cal), 5 small slices of cantaloupe (45 cal), and a serving of cinnamon toasters cereal with 2% milk (190 cal) for breakfast. Total: 335 calories. Lunch was skipped and by dinner my stomach was growling pretty loudly, but the food sucked. I ended up with two small cooked potatoes, you know, those pink-ish kind (105 cal), 12 snow peas sauteed in some sweet/spicy sauce (50 cal), 1/4 of a cup of egg salad (75 cal), 1/4 of a cup of tuna salad (60 cal), a few pieces of celery that amounted to maybe 3 calories tops, and half a slice of french bread (35 cal). Dinner total: 325 calories. Grand total: 660 calories. Not...bad. I wish I could have gone to the gym though and gotten it down to something like 150. Oh well, I'll have to wait until Tuesday.

Ok I know I've been lacking in thinspo, so here's my latest bundle:

In one of my recent posts I was talking about how I loved chunky sweater thinspo and how I was going to buy one once I reach my goal weight, so I'm posting these for motivation. =)

♥ Toni

Homework Day!

Hey girlies. Hope everyone is having a good weekend. Thank you for all the comments to yesterday's post, I really appreciated them (it's nice to know when we all reach our goal weights we'll be all over the place in giant sweaters ^_^). And a big congrats to those who reached their own mini goals over the weekend! =)

Sadly I couldn't go to the gym today due to massive amounts of homework (and it's also closed tomorrow for the holiday, looks like I'm sticking to restricting until Tuesday). I have 200 pages in a book, 40 pages in a chapter, and dozens of pages in articles to read for classes by Tuesday and Wednesday. Plus I have a film essay due in two weeks. We have to analyze a film's form in relation to its ideology. Any suggestions? I was thinking about doing a film like American Beauty or The Shawshank Redemption. They're both high on my favorite movie list.

Anyway I only went to the dining hall twice today. Fortunately there wasn't much there that I wanted, so I think I ate. For lunch I had about 150 cal worth of mac-n-cheese. It was baked but I put all the breading to the side (it didn't taste very good anyway). I also had a small salad with a few slices of cucumber and 1/2 tbsp of cesar dressing (45 cal) and about 4 oz of oatmeal with brown sugar (115 cal) for a lunch total of 310 calories. Dinner was slightly worse. I had another salad (medium sized) with 1/2 tbsp sunflower seeds, 2 pieces of baby corn, some slices of cucumber, 3/4 tbsp feta cheese, and 1.25 tbsp ranch (160 cal), a small slice of cheese pizza (150 cal), and a small slice of apple, cranberry, and strawberry pie (250 cal) for a dinner total of 560 calories, which means my grand total is 870 calories. Ugh, not what I wanted today but what can you do? I always feel like I eat more when it's rainy outside.

But on to prettier thing, like thinspo!

I'm not sure you'll need much help in guessing the theme of tonight's bunch. ;) If only we could all look that good without a top on...

Well goodnight ladies and have a great tomorrow. =)

♥ Toni