INCEPTION!!! (and thinspo)

Thank you astridwillbe50 for joining my blog
You're in a place of no judgement. =)

I'm currently watching Inception on HBO. It's my favorite movie and I'm very disappointed that HBO is playing it in fullscreen. If any of you are movie screen ratio savvy then you know that movie theater screen are very rectangular, and 75 mm film is formatted to make the picture look very wide, so that landscapes look humungous. TV screen are more square, so when movies air on television, they either air in widescreen (hence the thick black lines on the top and bottom of your tv screen) or in full screen, which means the edges of the film are cut off to make the picture small enough. It's just not the same. =/
But anyway I love Inception and Christopher Nolan and the score by Hans Zimmer and the story and the acting and the 4 Oscars the film won and everything about it! He was possessed with some radical notions...

I started work again today back at the movie theater. They put me on reg (concessions). It was an 8 hour day but I was glad to be back, and 3 of my co-workers commented on my weight loss! So anyway I had no time to eat and didn't eat much when I got back home. I only had a cup of coffee in the morning (10 cal), and when I got home I had an oatmeal raisin cookie (170 cal), a few bites of bread (75 cal), 1/4 of an apple danish (80 cal), and a home made soft taco (255 cal) for a total of 590 calories, which is 60 calories under my limit for the SGD!

FINALLY!

I finally stayed under my calories limits. Holy crap does it feel good, and today I weighed 122.25 to boot, .75 lbs under yesterday. I think I'm getting on the right track.

Ok and I actually took the after pics for the Pictures Page so check it out if you want.

Alright not much else to say for today. Got some thinspo though. :D

 

Night lovelies.

♥ Toni

P.S. Now I'm watching Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory. This day is just getting better.

Finally I get some time to myself.

So at this very moment, right now, is probably the last time for another, oh, 70 or so hours that I'll have time to breathe. But before I go into that I want to respond to some comments.

Ariana - Yeah I know what you mean about the digital scales. I also heard not to use them on carpet? I just don't trust them, so I use scales with a needle or sliding scales. Like those ancient ones where you stand on it and move the little weights yourself.

Olivia - Oh man really? I know all the transfers who live on campus are put into Porter, but if you're thinking about somewhere off campus there are some awesome houses at the base of the university near the entrance. I don't know much else about off campus housing though. As for being in town, I know some friends of mine who are always down for partying. We'll need some stress relief from finals. haha

Thin_Envy - Can I tell you a secret? I have no idea how I'm motivation for you because for the past few months I've been trying so hard to catch up with you weight-wise. I know my UGW right now is 112, but I can't imagine how 110 would look on me. I've never been that small, so if you're ever having a "fat day" come to me and I'll tell you how silly and thin you are! Because you're one of the girls who keeps me most motivated!


Ok, so this weekend. Here's the sitch:

Friday
7 am: wake up to go to the gym
9:30-10:40 am: go to section
11 am: fill out paperwork to declare film pre-major
11:30 am-2 pm: get in a sun soaking session and start reading Beloved, then shower
2-3:10 pm: class
3:10-7:30 pm: go get tickets for Pirates 4, go to CVS for misc girly things, do laundry, read more Beloved
7:30: leave for Pirates 4 for friend's b-day
10:05: watch Pirates 4
approx midnight: go to sleep

Saturday
8 am: wake up to get ready for cheer tryouts
9:15 am: head to dance studio to get to cheer tryouts early
10 am-2 pm: tryouts
2-7pm: HOMEWORK (reading, programming, essay, etc), possibly eat somewhere in there
7-8 pm: get dressed for club (alien themed)
8 pm: head to club for other friend's b-day
9-11:30 pm: clubbin!
approx 11:30: head out early to get sleep for tryouts on Sunday
approx midnight: go to sleep

Sunday
8 am: wake up for cheer tryouts
9:15 am: head to tryouts
10 am-2 pm: tryouts
2pm on: FREEDOM!!! (and probably homework)


So basically I'm dead. By Sunday afternoon I'll be running on empty.

Food:
Yesterday I totaled in at 620 calories. I won't bore you with the food. I burned 650 calories that day so my net total was -30 calories. Not terrible, especially since I weighed in at 120.5.
Today was soooooo much better. I had one actual meal and one snack-like meal later in the day. Earlier I ate 1/2 penne pasta with meat sauce and parmesan (155 cal), 4 thick cut french fries (40 cal), and 4 oz of chicken ortega soup (150 cal). Later I just had some frozen yogurt (75 cal), and veggies with ranch (100 cal). So my total comes to 495 calories, and I burned off 700 through dance and the gym so my net intake today was -205 calories. The downside: I weighed in at 121.5 lbs, which of course only pushed me harder to burn more calories on the elliptical. I did weigh myself at 9 pm, so I'm sure my weigh in tomorrow morning will be much more accurate.

I know this post is already looooooooooooong, but I want to talk quickly about my birthday. It's coming up in early June and I know what I want to do. Have I talked about this? Well if I have I'm mentioning it again.The local theater plays previously released (usually cult or classic) movies every weekend at midnight. The movie they're playing 2 days before my birthday? Mean Girls!!! Only one of my most favorite movies ever! My mom took me out of school early the day it premiered (I was in 6th grade) so we could see it together. I've seen it over 40 times and know all the dialogue! I'm so excited for this, it's really one of the best ways to celebrate my birthday. And there's this really cool burger place downtown that everyone but me has been to, so I want to go. Hopefully I'll be at least 118 lbs, so I may allow myself an indulgence. This burger place is known for their unique burgers. A patty in between two grilled cheese sandwiches anyone? How about one surrounded by two glazed doughnuts? One topped with macaroni and tomato? I'm really looking forward to this.

Hot damn, enough about me. I congratulate you if you've read this far. Your reward:

 

I guess I'm feeling a little leggy today.

♥ Toni

Update on last night:

So...yeah, I know I forgot to update. And the update itself isn't very pretty.

After dance class I weighed in at 124.75. Up 1.25 lbs. Sigh...
And then as I was on the bus Aaron called. He ended up getting at another stop and convinced me to go eat with him at a dining hall, so I did, and had Special K, a piece of pizza, a brownie, and 3 cookies. It's not much, and I know my total is less than 1000, but I felt pretty shitty afterwards.

I think for the next two weeks I'm going to give the 10 Day Diet a little break. I think I'll just stick to having a net total of 500 or below and I'll be happy. And I think my goal for cheer tryouts is going to change to 120 lbs instead of 118, but 115 is still ideal for dance tryouts. I've just been so overwhelmed lately and I need a break from putting my body through so much stress.

I think my weigh in today will be satisfactory. It'd be awesome to be back down to 123.5, but a solid 124 will please me. I'm not going to eat until after my midterm (that whole "you perform better on tests after you've eaten" just never really applied to me) and burn maybe 400-500 calories and then weigh in. I think that'll get me down to something I like.

Ok, I'm off to read everyone's posts before I go get some sun and then head off to my midterm. Thank you for all the support on that! I think it should be fairly easy, just 100 multiple choice questions, but you never know!

Motivation to keep me going:

I love it when you can tell a girl is still thin under a baggy t-shirt.

I'll catch up with you guys after my workout!

♥ Toni


Update #1
I saw it: 123.5! It was a nice little surprise to behold. And I was planning on getting a smoothie after my workout (burned 525 calories in 45 minutes!), especially after seeing that number, but a bunch of us are going out to an Italian restaurant for a friend's birthday, so I'll try to keep it under 800. Maybe I'll split a dish with someone. Too much pasta fills me up like nothing else, except maybe pancakes. =/

Ok, update #2 will come after dinner. Wish me luck!

Bored

So I'm totally waiting on Aaron to give me his headphones to do my homework right now...and I'm bored...so I thought I'd put a post up.

First of all he does not need those headphones to do his chem homework. We're in the library  and I forgot mine in my room, so you think he'd be nice and give them to me. Nope. All he's doing is listening to freaking dub-step. I, however, need them to watch My Cousin Vinny for my film music essay. Ugh I wish he would be a bit more considerate some of the time most of the time.

So the fast is going well, I guess. I'm eyeing this guy's chocolate muffin right about now. Splendid. At least I only have 6 more hours to go. How long did I say this fast was? 28 hours? Well let's hope I can hit 123 today. If not I'm going to rage super hard.

Ok got the headphones. I'll post later, probably really late. Sorry. =(



Later:
Good news - I'm down to 124.75 lbs.
Bad news - that means I only lost 1/2 a pound!
I guess I can't blame my body. I ended up eating at 6. Not the 28 hour fast I thought I'd have, but 24 hours is good enough. And I only had 4 oz of chicken & wild rice soup (100 cal), a small corner piece of focaccia (50 cal), and a super small piece of poppy seed cake (75 cal). And then I came home and had a mini pig out. 1 redvine and 1 peep (55 cal) and sour cream &onion chips (190 cal). Total for the day: 470 calories. Burned off 350 in jazz so net intake: 120 calories. At least I got all 80 points today for the 10 Day Diet. Hopefully if I can lose .5 lbs today, I can do the same tomorrow. Aiming for 124.0 lbs. And thanks for all the comments on my gap! I know it's tiny, but I'll post pics every 5 lbs maybe? to show the progress.

Motivation:

Yes, yes, yes, tanned and toned, just what I want to be. =)

Wishing a lovely evening for my lovely ladies,

♥ Toni

Today is a gorgeous day. =)

Oh I'm sorry for not posting last night. I had a lot to read and I just didn't have time after dance class and the gym (which I was at for only 20 minutes, this...whatever sickness I have is really taking a lot out of me).

As always thank you for all the comments on last night's post. They motivate me so much! And I'm up to 35 followers! The newest one: Ana-answer. Go follow her! Show her some support on the journey we're all taking. =) 

Thin_Envy: Girl you are 111 lbs. That's 15 lbs lighter than me. I know you want to be 90 lbs but come on, I'm sure you could wear that midriff shirt right now and look great in it! Although it is always nice to have a visual reminder of your goals.

So yesterday was alright with food. I only had a piece of crustless toast with butter (110 cal) and half a grapefruit (30 cal) for breakfast. Lunch was something called Mayan pork with veggies (125 cal) and 4.5 oz of vegan chili (45 cal). That comes to 310 calories, and the remaining 190 were used up with some leftover Chinese I ate with Aaron. I didn't have a lot, just enough to wade off a growling tummy. Dance nixed 350 calories and I burned 160 on a cycle at the gym, so my intake was 500 calories and my net intake was -10 calories. I can live with that. Aaaaand my digestive system is getting back on track which means I'm losing again. 126 lbs on the scale last night. It's not much but it's enough to get lift my spirits. Getting to 118 by May 21st looks a little easier now.

I got another 80 points for the 10 Day Diet. 500 calories (20 pts), 1 hr 50 min exercise (20 pts), 2 L water (20 pts), and 8.5 hrs sleep (20 pts).

Alright so in other news I was found. Granted it was only by my boyfriend, but I thought he would make a big deal over it. Instead all he said was that all I talk about it what I eat and the 2 paragraphs he read were boring and he didn't really want to read anything else. That got me thinking: do I write boring posts? I try not to, but do I? Is there something else you all want me to touch on? I guess I could write more about my personal life, but I just don't have a very exciting life at the moment.

Ok, I'm about to go finally have some real food, but I'll catch up with you later, post my intake for today, and show some thinspo love.


Laterrrrr:
I really didn't want to go to dance today because of whatever sickness I've been going through, but it made me feel a lot better. It burned 300 calories and I spent only 20 minutes on an elliptical right after and burned another 270. The scale said 125.75. It's progress I guess.

Food was ok. Despite getting my 8 hours of sleep I was really groggy at my 8 am class so I had a 10 oz coffee with a smidge of splenda, non-fat milk, and half and half (15 cal). Lunch was 7.5 oz of black bean soup (90 cal), some cooked zucchini (35 cal), a small fish patty with tartar sauce (125 cal), and a small plateful of carrot sticks (55 cal). Dinner was 1/2 of a beef tamale (45 cal), some strawberry fro yo (50 cal), and half of a brownie (75 cal) bringing my total to 490 calories and with exercise to -80 calories.

Alright I got my 8 hours of sleep, 2 liters of water, under 500 calories, and 1 hr 50 minutes of exercise, bringing me to another 80 points. It's slightly monotonous, but it's relatively easy and I'm seeing results.

As always I'm loving you girls and your comments, especially regarding what I mentioned earlier about Aaron. On the one hand I'm glad he's not very interested in my blog, but on the other it kind of surprised me that he wasn't more concerned about my dietary habits, but I guess that's due to him not caring enough to read. Oh well...
Christy: Fat and carbs? Wow I can't believe he memorized all of that!

Ok I've got work to do, so I'll leave you with this little beauty:

 I am so obsessed with stomachs! I wish I had a flatter one. =/

Hoping you girlies have a lovely night,

♥ Toni

Fresh Start: A Success

34 followers! You guys are so awesome. I'm a little stressed right now and seeing my number of followers grow is such a nice surprise. =)

Ok so for starters I broke my promise. I went to the gym after dance, but only for 25 minutes! I figured if I burn off the 500 calories I eat a day I can go to bed with a 0 (possibly negative) calorie slate. And considering I already burn off 300-350 calories a day from dance these workouts will only be 20 minutes max and not excessive.

I managed to actually do well with food today. I skipped breakfast and had lunch at 1. Because I'm getting sick I went with fruits with vitamin C. I had 2 slices of pineapple (50 cal), a kiwi (40 cal), 6 slices of orange (35 cal), and a salad with 1 tbsp of ranch dressing (90 cal). Then I went to dance and the gym which burned off 565 calories. Dinner was 2 oz of mashed potatoes (60 cal), 2 oz of flank steak (120 cal), and a small piece of pesto foccacia (75 cal) for a total intake of 470 calories and a net total of -95 calories.

The 10 Day Diet points are as follows:
8 hours of sleep (20 pts), 2 L of water (20 pts), <500 calories of food (20 pts), and 2 hours of exercise (20 pts) for my first day of 80 points!

Thank you for all the comments about starting this whole thing over. It makes me feel less like a failure and more like I'm doing something to take control over the way my eating has been. I don't think I'll have too much trouble reaching 80 points each day this go around.

Ariana: It's awesome that you're doing the 10 Day Diet with me! This way we can support each other on a day-to-day basis and have someone to go to when we feel like we're getting off track. And I even saw a few other people wanting to do it with you on your blog. 10 Day Diet fever has struck!

Harlow: Yeah I've read all the posts you put up about Rusty's exercise regimens. Maybe I'll have to start doing more noticeable intervals with my cardio. And I'm so jealous over how far you've come with your running. I just could not ever imagine myself running for 15 miles, four hours straight. You're fabulous!

Alright that's really all I have today. I weighed in at 126.5 lbs. Not where I want to be exactly but it's better than 128, which is what I thought I'd weigh today after this weekend's disaster. Right now though I have volume 1 of Frankenstein and 2 game design chapters to read plus a prototype to finish.

Someday I hope to be able to rock a 

half shirt without feeling like a pudge.

♥ Toni

Starting All Over

Yes. I must. I have lost sight of my goals and therefore I must start all over from scratch. I'm starting the 10 Day Diet over and not. straying. at. all. I think what did it was all the exercise. Something about all that water and 2+ hours of exercise a day made my body go berserk, like it thought I was fighting for my life or something. So this weekend I let loose. I ate whatever the hell I wanted, I didn't count calories. Just today I've had Easter candy, Chinese food, a doughnut, several Lays potato chips, and a bottle of Sprite. I feel like a monster, which is only being enhanced by reading Mary Shelley's Frankenstein. So my goal for the next 30 days (with days 27 and 28 being my cheer tryout days) is to stick to 3 cycles of the 10 Day Diet and not screw up. I will, however, cool it on the gym time and only go Friday-Sunday since dance Monday-Thursday covers my 1 hr. I will stick to sleep the best that I can and definitely stop shoveling so much food down my throat. I can do this!

To kick start my motivation:

bikini-ready, that's what I want to be.

 Although I may have possibly bought 2 bags of chips at Safeway today, but that's ok! I'll work past it. And instead of depriving you lovely supporters of thinspo until I reach whatever goal I need to get to I'm going to start posting a picture or two of thinspo every day for motivation and then go hog wild when I get to my next weight goal. Sound good?

I hope you all had lovely Easters today. If you spent it with your family, cherish it! I spent mine in college thinking about my grandma's egg hunts and family dinners. Oh well...

Have a wonderful evening,
♥ Toni

Love this feeling!

Well girls, I did it. I'm down to 126 lbs, almost where I was at before spring break. And thank you for the inspiring comments! They really made a difference in my mood.

I felt so lazy today! I really didn't want to go to the gym, but I dragged myself there because I told myself I couldn't have any food if I didn't burn something off, so I spent 22 minutes on the elliptical and burned off 250 calories. I felt so good weighing myself after and seeing that I went down. I was stuck at 128 for almost 2 weeks. =/

And you know, it's funny. No matter how long I go without food, it really only takes the same amount to fill me up, no matter if I've gone 6, 12, or 24 hours without it. So when I ate dinner I didn't chow down the whole dining hall. I had 4 oz of veggie lasagna (145 cal), 1/2 piece of garlic bread (85 cal), and a few pieces of broccoli and cucumber with 1 tbsp of ranch (85 cal). That's it. With my workout my intake comes to 65 calories.

Alright, so it's been awhile since I posted any thinspo and I said I wouldn't post more until I got to 124, but what the hell. I'm not a fan of waiting.

Lately I've been obsessing over my legs. They're really athletic looking, and while I'm grateful for all they have done for me in the past, I want them gone. I want slimmer thighs and calves, but the more I exercise the more I worry about gaining muscle and the look of bigger legs. Anyone have any advice on the matter?

Well that's all for today. I have some homework to catch up on. Happy Friday everyone and have a great weekend!

♥ Toni

A New Outlook

First off I have a couple of new followers. =)
Thanks Zette and Ariana, I love both of your blogs and I'm really glad you guys are also following mine because you both are great.

So despite an overall weight gain of 2 lbs. over the past 10 days (which is not as bad as I thought it'd be), I'm feeling a bit cheerier since my dizzy spell. I don't know why, maybe it's because I know in two days I'll be back to working out and being able to better control my food. Maybe it's because I know now that I might have something a bit off about me. My parents have been asking me since yesterday morning if I've been eating right and making comments that I may have lost weight a bit too quickly. It's kind of a relief.

...And I'll tell you lovelies a kind of screwed up secret. Since I was a kid, maybe around 8 years old, I've had an odd wish to have something be wrong with me. Like borderline disorder or an extreme phobia or something (which I guess I kind of do; sometimes I get panic attacks over the whole "I'm going to die someday and there's nothing I can do about it" thing: necrophobia, fear of death). I don't know why but I think it's mostly because I wanted to be able to say I wasn't like everyone else, that I was special and had something to overcome. I don't really think like that anymore, but a drive to be better than average, to be abnormal is still there, and now I have this. This eating...thing. And this week has instilled in me a rejuvenated need to reach my goal.

I need to lose 15 lbs in 73 days. I want to be 112 by my birthday: June 6. I want my summer to be filled with hot days where I can wear shorts and tank tops and cute dresses and not worry about myself. I want Aaron to say "Wow!" when I undress for him and I want to be the skinniest one out of all of my friends. 15 lbs in 11 weeks, a pound about every 5 days. I think I can do it.

But before I get back to my old ways I'm going out with a bang. Tomorrow is food, food, food! I'm determined to eat as little as possible but you never know with restaurant food and then big family meals...

And to reinforce my recovered mindset I've grabbed a bunch of new thinspo. Enjoy!

I don't even like Uggs (or anything that looks like them),

but I have to say with legs like those, this girl pulls them off beautifully.



I'm in love with these:

No real theme going on today, I just tried to get a little bit of everything. Legs, abs, arms.

Ok, until next time.

♥ Toni

P.S.- I just remeasured myself the other day because my bras have been a little loose (i.e. I have to adjust the straps and the band until they're at their smallest). I got three bras for $40 in December that were 38C, and my measurements came out to 32C. I'm mad because I just bought them and I'm going to have to buy more soon because they'll be too big, but I'm also happy because it means I'm getting smaller.

Goal Weight #3 Reached!

Alright...get ready for it...I have good news.

I got on the scale after my workout today and...127.0 lbs!!! Areyoufuckingkiddingme?! I was over the moon with happiness. I kept thinking "There's no way I'll be down 4 pounds. Maybe I'll be 129 at best. I'll be happy with 130 even," but no, 127! I'm "normal" again, 24.8 BMI. It was truly a great day.

Besides that I had my film final which I think I did ok on plus had really good workout. I burned 655 calories and my limit today for SGD is 300, so I'm doing really well.

Breakfast was just a serving of cinnamon toast crunch with 2 oz of 2% (160 cal), 2 pieces of pineapple (50 cal), and half a bagel with butter (100 cal) for a total of 310 calories. Dinner was 3 oz. of lamb (225), a piece of roasted potato (30 cal), a cup of zucchini (45 cal), and 4 oz of root beer (50) for a total of 350 calories. I ended burning almost all of it off at the gym and my grand total for today (although it may or may not change depending on later tonight) is 5 calories. That's 295 calories under my limit and I may just keep it that way. I know some friends will be eating after their finals later, so I'll keep you posted on my intake if it changes.

I finished Wasted. The ending was a bit abrupt and I got really scared when I got to the part where Marya reached fifty-five pounds, but overall it was one of the best books I've read in a while. I highly recommend it even for those who are just looking for a good book to read for leisure, not necessarily eating disorders or anything like that.

Alright so in celebration for today and as a hearty good-bye to winter I have some thinspo to share!

Ok, that's all I have for today. I hope your day has been just as good as mine! And if not I'm sending you lots of good thoughts.

♥ Toni

Regular Day

Finally the weekend. My gym time was much needed, my intake was good, I have most of my living situation figured out for next year, so it was a good day. My weigh-in today was at 131. I was hoping for 130 but this was good for how much food and water was in my system at the time. Only 2 lbs until my next goal and 3.3 lbs until I get back into the "normal" weight range for my height (127.7 lbs).

Emma and Olivia: I'm sorry, I don't know the recipe for the chili. =(
It's labeled "Stockpot Vegan Chili" in the dining halls at my university so I think they just make a whole bunch and store it in the freezer to keep on hand. The nutrition info is provided though so next time I see it I'll see if they have the ingredients listed, promise. It's mostly stuff like beans, broccoli and cauliflower, some sort of mild pepper, carrots, and other veggies. I only had 5 oz. which is why the calorie count was only 55. 8 oz. is somewhere around 90.

Today I did well food-wise. Breakfast was a bagel crisp with a swiss cheese triangle (55 cal) and a gogurt (70 cal) for a total of 125 calories. Lunch was 1/4 of a cup of shepherd's pie (100 cal), 1/2 cup of cheese tortellini with marinara sauce (200 cal), a sugar cookie (120 cal), and a small piece of peach crisp with whipped cream (155 cal) for a total of 575 calories. And for dinner I had marinated veggies and turkey salad (150 cal) and a small plate of nachos (225 cal) plus this marshmallow candy thing (30 cal) for a total of 405 calories. Minus the 680 I worked off at the gym and it comes to 425 calories, 25 under my goal. Good day.

On a different note I haven't been reading as much of Wasted as I've been wanting to because of studying and homework. Plus I still have Going Hungry that I haven't started. Ugh hopefully I'll get around to them soon.

Ok thinspo time. It's been a few days and I know we all enjoy a little motivation. So here's the outfits-I-hope-I-look-as-good-in-as-these-girls-when-I'm-thin bunch:

Boots that hit the mid calf = unflattering on most body types, except thin.

I'm still waiting to wear the half dozen or so

knee-high socks I have in my drawers. I keep

buying them knowing that my legs look terrible in them. =/

Oh how I long for the day I can wear a

body-hugging dress and not feel fat.

A dash of Frieda Rose:

Shorts and high tops? Not so good on a short, chubby-legged girl.

Body-hugging dress and high tops? One day, one day...

Alright so there you have it, my dream closet. I hope everybody has had a good week and is ready for a great weekend!

♥ Toni