Finally I get some time to myself.

So at this very moment, right now, is probably the last time for another, oh, 70 or so hours that I'll have time to breathe. But before I go into that I want to respond to some comments.

Ariana - Yeah I know what you mean about the digital scales. I also heard not to use them on carpet? I just don't trust them, so I use scales with a needle or sliding scales. Like those ancient ones where you stand on it and move the little weights yourself.

Olivia - Oh man really? I know all the transfers who live on campus are put into Porter, but if you're thinking about somewhere off campus there are some awesome houses at the base of the university near the entrance. I don't know much else about off campus housing though. As for being in town, I know some friends of mine who are always down for partying. We'll need some stress relief from finals. haha

Thin_Envy - Can I tell you a secret? I have no idea how I'm motivation for you because for the past few months I've been trying so hard to catch up with you weight-wise. I know my UGW right now is 112, but I can't imagine how 110 would look on me. I've never been that small, so if you're ever having a "fat day" come to me and I'll tell you how silly and thin you are! Because you're one of the girls who keeps me most motivated!


Ok, so this weekend. Here's the sitch:

Friday
7 am: wake up to go to the gym
9:30-10:40 am: go to section
11 am: fill out paperwork to declare film pre-major
11:30 am-2 pm: get in a sun soaking session and start reading Beloved, then shower
2-3:10 pm: class
3:10-7:30 pm: go get tickets for Pirates 4, go to CVS for misc girly things, do laundry, read more Beloved
7:30: leave for Pirates 4 for friend's b-day
10:05: watch Pirates 4
approx midnight: go to sleep

Saturday
8 am: wake up to get ready for cheer tryouts
9:15 am: head to dance studio to get to cheer tryouts early
10 am-2 pm: tryouts
2-7pm: HOMEWORK (reading, programming, essay, etc), possibly eat somewhere in there
7-8 pm: get dressed for club (alien themed)
8 pm: head to club for other friend's b-day
9-11:30 pm: clubbin!
approx 11:30: head out early to get sleep for tryouts on Sunday
approx midnight: go to sleep

Sunday
8 am: wake up for cheer tryouts
9:15 am: head to tryouts
10 am-2 pm: tryouts
2pm on: FREEDOM!!! (and probably homework)


So basically I'm dead. By Sunday afternoon I'll be running on empty.

Food:
Yesterday I totaled in at 620 calories. I won't bore you with the food. I burned 650 calories that day so my net total was -30 calories. Not terrible, especially since I weighed in at 120.5.
Today was soooooo much better. I had one actual meal and one snack-like meal later in the day. Earlier I ate 1/2 penne pasta with meat sauce and parmesan (155 cal), 4 thick cut french fries (40 cal), and 4 oz of chicken ortega soup (150 cal). Later I just had some frozen yogurt (75 cal), and veggies with ranch (100 cal). So my total comes to 495 calories, and I burned off 700 through dance and the gym so my net intake today was -205 calories. The downside: I weighed in at 121.5 lbs, which of course only pushed me harder to burn more calories on the elliptical. I did weigh myself at 9 pm, so I'm sure my weigh in tomorrow morning will be much more accurate.

I know this post is already looooooooooooong, but I want to talk quickly about my birthday. It's coming up in early June and I know what I want to do. Have I talked about this? Well if I have I'm mentioning it again.The local theater plays previously released (usually cult or classic) movies every weekend at midnight. The movie they're playing 2 days before my birthday? Mean Girls!!! Only one of my most favorite movies ever! My mom took me out of school early the day it premiered (I was in 6th grade) so we could see it together. I've seen it over 40 times and know all the dialogue! I'm so excited for this, it's really one of the best ways to celebrate my birthday. And there's this really cool burger place downtown that everyone but me has been to, so I want to go. Hopefully I'll be at least 118 lbs, so I may allow myself an indulgence. This burger place is known for their unique burgers. A patty in between two grilled cheese sandwiches anyone? How about one surrounded by two glazed doughnuts? One topped with macaroni and tomato? I'm really looking forward to this.

Hot damn, enough about me. I congratulate you if you've read this far. Your reward:

 

I guess I'm feeling a little leggy today.

♥ Toni

Weight, Exercise, and Dancing

Official weigh-in: 125 lbs. Boooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo.
Well, I guess I'm not still at 127, and I've exercised every day this week, and I've been in the negatives, and I know I'll drop some weight when my digestive track gets back to normal, so I guess that's not all bad. I just want to weigh less. =(

Christy: a sea salt bath you say? Sounds tempting, and I would try it if I had 1) sea salt and 2) a bath tub. Damn my dorm bathrooms and it's endless supply of showers!

Otherwise thank you girls for the supportive comments last night. I actually just ate a little bit ago after going to the gym. I feel ok. I burned off 640 calories. I don't know my calorie count yet. I'll update on that later.

Food has been weird lately. I've been having a hard time telling whether or not I'm hungry or full. The feelings are the same. And no matter how much I do eat, I don't feel overtly full and I've been going to bed with a growling tummy. Maybe I just think I'm eating a lot? Right now I don't think I'm eating much like a disordered person. French fries, hot dogs, frozen yogurt, tacos. I mean I've really been indulging. I do think, however, that I've started to exercise like a disordered person. It's not just "Oh I'll go dance class for 90 minutes then do a little workout." It's "I'm going to dance class with the intent of being the best and then going to exercise to burn off the most amount of calories I can." I mean, I'm getting light headed a lot and my legs have been continually sore. I'm short of breath and my resting heart rate has gone up. I know this isn't normal. It's my perfectionist drive. Example: yesterday a new girl came into my jazz dance class (I prefer my jazz class much more to my modern dance class) and that sense of competition came over me. For about half the class I watched her. She was thin and pretty and I wanted to see if she was good at dancing, or at least catching on. I watched her stretch, do combinations across the floor, leaps and turns, and finally I concluded that she wasn't a threat, that she wasn't as good as me. Aren't I a self-centered egotistical bitch? At least that's what I think. Again, I'm a perfectionist. And I'm a girl. Those two traits are bound to manifest themselves into bitchiness at one point or another. I just like being the best, or one of the best. I feel like a failure any other way.

Ok I'm rambling again, and I still have more to post later. But for now I have to go, I'm taking a little shopping trip with some friends. Leggings, headbands, jeans, so much I need to buy!

Later: Alright, so I'm back from my trip. I bought leggings, but no headbands or jeans. One terrible thing about being short: jeans are nearly impossible to buy. I did get some new sports bras and cotton shorts. Yay for new exercise clothes!

When we got back to campus I indulged in a dining hall crunch wrap...on top of having two kid's scoops at Baskin Robin. Oh goody joy, I can't wait to see which number appears on the scale tomorrow. For now though, I'm too tired to calculate all that I ate. I'm sure it was horrid. All I want is sleep. Day 6 of consecutive gym time coming up tomorrow at 10 am. I hope you all are having a great start to your weekend. =)

♥ Toni

Love this feeling!

Well girls, I did it. I'm down to 126 lbs, almost where I was at before spring break. And thank you for the inspiring comments! They really made a difference in my mood.

I felt so lazy today! I really didn't want to go to the gym, but I dragged myself there because I told myself I couldn't have any food if I didn't burn something off, so I spent 22 minutes on the elliptical and burned off 250 calories. I felt so good weighing myself after and seeing that I went down. I was stuck at 128 for almost 2 weeks. =/

And you know, it's funny. No matter how long I go without food, it really only takes the same amount to fill me up, no matter if I've gone 6, 12, or 24 hours without it. So when I ate dinner I didn't chow down the whole dining hall. I had 4 oz of veggie lasagna (145 cal), 1/2 piece of garlic bread (85 cal), and a few pieces of broccoli and cucumber with 1 tbsp of ranch (85 cal). That's it. With my workout my intake comes to 65 calories.

Alright, so it's been awhile since I posted any thinspo and I said I wouldn't post more until I got to 124, but what the hell. I'm not a fan of waiting.

Lately I've been obsessing over my legs. They're really athletic looking, and while I'm grateful for all they have done for me in the past, I want them gone. I want slimmer thighs and calves, but the more I exercise the more I worry about gaining muscle and the look of bigger legs. Anyone have any advice on the matter?

Well that's all for today. I have some homework to catch up on. Happy Friday everyone and have a great weekend!

♥ Toni