Tuesday, August 23, 2011

It's been a long summer.

Yeah so I know I suck. I'm sure it's not a surprise to a lot of you that I've been on kind of a hiatus for pretty much all of summer. My weight has been the same. I'm so ready to head back to school and go to the gym. I miss it. And I feel horrible for not even keeping up with everyone else, but by the looks of it half of the blogs I follow haven't been posting recently either or have deleted their blogs altogether. The girls who have been writing have been doing so well. And I've just read the 50+ posts I've missed. Reading everyone's successes has lead me to have only a cup of coffee and a cookie so far today. I'm in the 122-124 range and it doesn't seem to be moving with how little I've been exercising.

And in my real life I feel so bored and uninspired. My only solace is in film. I dream of one day creating stories on the screen and making a fantasy for myself. In the past few weeks I've seen 30 Minutes or Less, The Help, The Kids are All Right, Hangover 2, Misery, Glee the Movie, and tons of others that I can't remember right now. I feel like writing something, like writing a script. I want to create stories that explore what I wish my life could be like. I've been having dreams about being with other people, other guys. I'm still with Aaron but this summer has been hard on our relationship. He's always saying that I'm not attracted to him but he does nothing about it. He doesn't go running or anything. He literally sits at home complaining that he's fat. And for some reason when I go to sleep all I dream about is other guys. Guys I've never met, guys who aren't Aaron. But I don't want to fill this post up with depressing topics. Onto the 30 Day challenge.

I'll just start where I left off:
Day 10 - What was the hardest thing you gave up during this "weight loss"?
Well I'm not doing so hot right now but when I was deepest into my dieting back in April and May I'd say just food in general was the hardest thing to give up. Just the freedom to eat whatever was not an option, and if I did let myself go overboard I felt horrible about myself. And in a month that's what I'll be faced with again because I do not want to stay this weight forever. I do want to lose another 10 or 15 lbs. I want to look good in anything. I don't want to look a shred of what I did at my heaviest. I want to be hot and turn heads. I want people to say I look even smaller than I look now.

I want to be this:

At this point it seems like a body even close to any of those girls is a million years away. I am determined to get down to at least 112 lbs by the end of this year. I'm hitting the gym hard when I go back to school. And I'm dragging Aaron along with me.

I'm glad you girls put up with me. I don't deserve it.

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