Tuesday, May 31, 2011

AH! So excited!

Dance audition information is uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuup!!! Finally!!!!!!!!!!! And it's right after my jazz class!!!!!!!!!!!! Soooooooooooooooo excitedddddddd!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ok, that was way too much energy. Sorry for that. Ok so yeah, auditions are on Thursday of this week. There's absolutely NO WAY I can get to 118 by then unless I just eat nothing...and then I'd pass out. Not good. So I'm aiming for a flat 120. Yesterday's "fast" was anything but. I had maybe 700 calories at dinner. Fucking dinner screwed it all up, and this morning I was 123! Good news is that I've only had 230 calories today (mostly fruit and veggies) and burned 755, so my net intake is -525 calories. I'm hitting the gym right after my lit class and I'm praying the number I see on the scale is waaaaaaaaaaay less than it was today, because I know a lot of that was from the food still in my tummy.

In non-food related news I stayed after my jazz class today to talk with my teacher. She told me I'm very dedicated and pick up things very quickly and I'm smart when it comes to dance. Basically she told me I'm at a higher level than everyone else in the class, which really boosted my confidence. She told me I need to have more fun with my dancing though, which I agree with. I'm really competitive and focused with my dancing and I like being the very best I can be. I am just so hyped for Thursday now! Gah! Can't wait!

♥ Toni

P.S.-Thank you Ariana for your warm wishes. =)
P.P.S. 51 followers!

Monday, May 30, 2011

Best weekend ever, kinda.

So yes, I know and I'm sorry that I haven't posted in...is it 3 days? Part of that was me going waaaaaay overboard with food Friday and Saturday. Not a binge really, just normal eating that my little tummy couldn't really handle. And despite knowing I put myself offtrack, I must say I rather enjoyed indulging myself.

Friday was the best ever. I told you all on Thursday I went to see the dance class spring show. Well Friday night I went to see the university Dance team's spring show. Those two night of dancing really lit a fire under my ass to make that team. I've been working on my turns and leaps all weekend and hopefully tomorrow after dance class my teacher will be able to help my technique some more.
As for food: I wasn't planning on eating after Friday's show...but me and my friend Briana were really in the mood for sweet stuff. We went to Safeway (LOVE that place) and I got some mini eclairs and tuxedos (generic oreos) and afterwards we ate at Jack in the Box. Let me just say, I am in LOVE with their tacos and hadn't had any since last summer, so I ate four. Best. Night. Ever. Also pretty fattening, damn.

Saturday wasn't much better. I started off trying to eat minimally, but I caved and ordered chinese takeout late in the night. =/     I need better control, but damn I just can't say no to sweet and sour chicken. .

Sunday was a work day. I have about 35% of all my finals stuff done, which is very much on track. My net total was probably around 400? It was less than 500 for sure, but I ate quite a bit of tuxedos. I went to the gym though , so that burned off a lot of calories.

Today is a FAST. I need to get to 118 by dance team tryouts (which the facebook group still hasn't posted anything up about, even though I'm sure they're less than a week away). Good new: my weekend overeating only resulted in gaining one lb. I'm 121.75 lbs. If I fast all day today and stay in the negatives until Friday, I think I can do it. I at least want to break into the teen. That would be awesome.

Yay, I finally got to 50 followers! Thank you Scarlett for hopping aboard the vessel.

And to the rest of my lovely followers: please check out Scarlett's blog Blemished Bijou. It's been up since February and only has 2 followers (one of which is the ever awesome Olivia Lee) other than myself. I know we can be more supportive than that!

Alright, that just about sums it up. I'm planning on not having any food intake to post for later, so I'll save the next post for anything crazy that happens in the meantime.

Thinspo for the days since I've been away:

♥ Toni

Friday, May 27, 2011

My fat day was just a maintain day.

Just watched the season 2 finale of Glee. I don't want to give anything away just in case any of you are fans of the show and haven't seen the episode, but it was satisfying. Not as great as season one's finale. Loose ends were more or less tied up, with new story arcs being created for next season. I can't wait for season 3!

As for food today was alright, I didn't get to go to my regular jazz class because there was a dance show in the studio where class is held, so I went to that instead. It was amazing. It totally made me want to perform. I can't wait until I can. Ok yeah but anyway I didn't have those extra 350 calories burned, so all my exercise came from hopping on the elliptical this afternoon. I burned 770 calories.

Breakfast was relatively light. 30 blueberries (25 cal), a slice of cantaloupe (15 cal), 5 grapes (15 cal), half of a peach (45 cal), and an orange cranberry muffin (100 cal). Dinner was the killer tonight, but let me tell you it was sooooooo worth it. Tonight was the dining hall "ice creamery", meaning instead of machine frozen yogurt which sucks most of the time, the dining hall does it Coldstone style with real ice cream and mix in toppings. I waited a good 15 minutes in line for a scoop of chocolate and vanilla ice cream (260 cal) with walnuts (45 cal), and strawberries (55 cal). And actual dinner was better than usual. I had 5 oz of homestyle macaroni and cheese (130 cal), and 2.5 oz of bbq beef brisket (170 cal). While watching Glee I helped myself to two servings of miso soup (70 cal) and seaweed (15 cal). So my total intake today is 945 calories, and my net intake is 175 calories. I maintained my weight of 121 lbs when I got on the scale, so tomorrow I'm not letting one edible thing touch my lips until after my workout at 11 am. I need to start cutting back on the food. That -600 calorie day was awesome and I want another one soon.

Working towards that flat stomach...

♥ Toni
P.S.-Olivia: Oh wow yeah maybe we'll actually run into each other, although I'll be on campus all day hanging around Porter. I'm super short and my best friend has fire engine red hair if that's any clue as to who I am. ;)

Thursday, May 26, 2011

Fat Day

I'm sorry I didn't post. I was up until 3 am working on my game design project. Maybe I'll post it once it's done, but it's giving me so much trouble right now.

So yeah, I don't like fat days. I'm having one right now because of how much I ate last night and even from the small amount I ate this morning.
Yesterday for breakfast I had 30 blueberries (25 cal), 2 slices of pineapple (30 cal), 1/2 of a peach (45 cal), and coffee with 2% milk (10 cal) before my 8 am class. By the time I got out of the section at 10:30 I was starving, so I grabbed half of a bagel with butter (90 cal), a slice of ham (45 cal), half of a kiwi (20 cal), and 1/2 of a small orange (25 cal). All was fine and dandy after that. I went to dance class (-300 cal) and the gym (-515 cal) and weighed myself. 121.0 lbs. It was an ok day. Then I had dinner. 20 tortilla chips with nacho toppings (225 cal), a small slice of hawaiian pizza (115 cal), and 3 sugar cookies (240 cal). Then I was munching on seaweed all night while programming my game (40 cal). So my total for the day was 910 calories, and my net intake was 95 calories. Not terrible, but I know that was only because of all the exercise I got in.

Oh and with only 2 weeks left of school I lost my ID. Just great. Now I have to buy a new one. $20. For a piece of plastic. I'm going to try to convince the student housing building to charge me the replacement ID fee instead of the new ID fee. That would cost me only $5. Much better.

There's not much else to talk about. The day is still young. I'll post today's stats later. For now I'll leave you with two blogs I recently started following. There's ullalexie's Emerging From a Cocoon of Fat and Violet's Ethereal Dream. Go show them some love! Or at least browse a few of their posts.

Ok, I'll be back. I hope you all have a great day (or at least a skinnier one than mine).

♥ Toni
P.S.-49 followers! Gah so close to 50! You guys are awesome. =)
P.P.S.-I took a new picture of my thigh gap. It's like twice as big now! It's on my "Progress in Photos" tab.

Tuesday, May 24, 2011

I'm getting that light-headed feeling...

Aww thank you girls for your support about last night and earlier today. I must say I'm feeling much better and here's why:

Food was excellent. I stuck to my goal of less than 250 calories and most of it was raw fruits and vegetables. I only had one meal that consisted of 6 slices of cucumber and 4 baby carrots (20 cal), 1/2 cup apple and celery root salad in a cinnamon dressing (60 cal), coffee with Equal and 2 tbsp 2% milk (15 cal), and 3 oz of spinach and celery in sesame dressing (40 cal). I just finished 2 cups of veggie broth (30 cal) and my total comes to 165 calories. I burned off 350 in dance and another 430 at the gym, so my net intake is -615 calories. I must say this is a personal best. And my weight is down almost 2 lbs from yesterday. It's now at 121.75 and should be in the teens by Friday...hopefully.

Sorry, this is going to be a quick post. No thinspo. No time! I have a lot of work to do before finals. I love you all though!

♥ Toni

I need a good fast.

So like a lazy bum I didn't get up until 9:20, so my morning gym plans are shot. At least I'm going to get in an hour long gym session after dance. Downside is that I'll be weighing myself at night. But today I'm going to fast as well as I can. I might allow myself a food ceiling of 250 calories (of mostly fruits), but for the most part I'm striving to drink just water, tea, and coffee. We'll see how this goes. I'll update later. Sorry for no thinspo last night. I was just uber depressed about that 123.5.

Monday, May 23, 2011

Back to the drawing board...

So yeah, of course I gained weight over the weekend. I'm so ashamed of all I ate. How bad was it? Popcorn, candy, pizza, hotdogs, nachos, cereal, the list goes on.123.5 lbs today after dance and an hour at the gym. Fuck. That's a gain of almost 3 lbs! Tomorrow I'm waking up at 8am to get in a nice, long workout to burn off this FAT.

Food today was ok. I feel like I ate a lot more than I did. For breakfast I had half of a bagel, with half of it spread with butter and the other cream cheese (150 cal) and a fruit salad/yogurt combo. 3 oz of peach yogurt (80 cal), 10 grapes (35 cal), 20 blueberries (15 cal), 1/4 green apple (20 cal), 1/2 banana (40 cal), 1 slice of pineapple (15 cal), and one slice of cantaloupe (15 cal). So breakfast totaled 370. I didn't eat for another 8 hours until dinner. I had a small roasted potato (55 cal), 1/2 cup macaroni noodles with 3 tbsp red sauce (125 cal), a small salad with 2 cups of lettuce (15 cal), 1.25 tbsp ranch (90 cal), 1/2 tbsp bacon bits (15 cal), and cherry tomatoes and cucumber (20 cal). I overindulged with dessert. I had a peanut butter cookie (70 cal), a small piece of lemon poppyseed cake (80 cal), and 5 cubes of jello (20 cal). All of this food adds up to 860 calories. Not as good as I wanted to do today, but I burned off 1,050 calories with dance and the gym, so my net intake is -190 calories. A negative day. Good. I'd still like to keep my actual intakes to less than 600, and ideally less than 500. And I'd really like my net intakes to be at -200 for the next two weeks. That should get me to somewhere around 118 lbs by my birthday...and dance tryouts.

Back from the dead

Wow. I haven't posted since Thursday. Sorry if I haven't been commenting as frequently as I used to, but I've been reading everyone's posts. Like I said, this weekend was filled with stuff to do. Even with all of my planning I still stayed up until 2 :30 am last night writing an essay that was due at 8 am this morning.

Up to 48 followers! Surprising, since I didn't update all weekend, but thank you just the same. =)

Alright, so Saturday and Sunday were the big cheer tryouts. I didn't make the team. That's not really a huge issue for me at this point since I'd rather be dancing anyway, but I have great news. On Saturday we learned all the cheers and the dance and did some stunting. I have zero experience in cheerleading, much less in stunting. There are basically only two positions you can be: base or flyer. Guess which one I was told to be? Flyer! It was a big deal for me because I know only small girls do flying. I know I'm short and that had something to do with it but of course if you're 5'2" and 155 lbs you're pretty much going to lose over someone 30 lbs less than you. It just made me feel really good, like I'm actually getting somewhere with this weight loss.

So yeah, like I said I didn't make the cheer team, but that's ok. This weekend the dance team is performing their spring show and the weekend after they're holding tryouts for next year's team. If I don't make the cut I'll be extremely disappointed, but there's always tryouts again in the fall. Yay desperation! Haha but I did buy some split sole canvas ballet slippers. I used to own some but I lent them to a friend who now goes to CSU Longbeach. Needless to say I'm not getting them back. The replacements were only $20, and I'm enrolled in Jazz II for fall quarter so they'll come in handy.

I'm also officially declared a film pre-major, something I'm super excited about because it gives me higher priority for enrollment in film classes than non majors.

So maybe you guessed it but I'm kind of tip toeing around food. This weekend was pretty much a disaster. I ate a LOT. I'm hoping the weight gain isn't too bad. If it's not terrible (121-122) I'm aiming to be less that 118 by dance tryouts/my birthday (it's in 2 weeks! WTF?!) and if I'm anything over 123 my goal will be to get to at least 118. Just to be safe I'm keeping my food intake extra low and will be hitting the gym for a good hour to make up for it, although I'm suuuuuuuuuper sore from this weekend.

Ok, will update later. Promise.

Thursday, May 19, 2011

Finally I get some time to myself.

So at this very moment, right now, is probably the last time for another, oh, 70 or so hours that I'll have time to breathe. But before I go into that I want to respond to some comments.

Ariana - Yeah I know what you mean about the digital scales. I also heard not to use them on carpet? I just don't trust them, so I use scales with a needle or sliding scales. Like those ancient ones where you stand on it and move the little weights yourself.

Olivia - Oh man really? I know all the transfers who live on campus are put into Porter, but if you're thinking about somewhere off campus there are some awesome houses at the base of the university near the entrance. I don't know much else about off campus housing though. As for being in town, I know some friends of mine who are always down for partying. We'll need some stress relief from finals. haha

Thin_Envy - Can I tell you a secret? I have no idea how I'm motivation for you because for the past few months I've been trying so hard to catch up with you weight-wise. I know my UGW right now is 112, but I can't imagine how 110 would look on me. I've never been that small, so if you're ever having a "fat day" come to me and I'll tell you how silly and thin you are! Because you're one of the girls who keeps me most motivated!

Ok, so this weekend. Here's the sitch:

7 am: wake up to go to the gym
9:30-10:40 am: go to section
11 am: fill out paperwork to declare film pre-major
11:30 am-2 pm: get in a sun soaking session and start reading Beloved, then shower
2-3:10 pm: class
3:10-7:30 pm: go get tickets for Pirates 4, go to CVS for misc girly things, do laundry, read more Beloved
7:30: leave for Pirates 4 for friend's b-day
10:05: watch Pirates 4
approx midnight: go to sleep

8 am: wake up to get ready for cheer tryouts
9:15 am: head to dance studio to get to cheer tryouts early
10 am-2 pm: tryouts
2-7pm: HOMEWORK (reading, programming, essay, etc), possibly eat somewhere in there
7-8 pm: get dressed for club (alien themed)
8 pm: head to club for other friend's b-day
9-11:30 pm: clubbin!
approx 11:30: head out early to get sleep for tryouts on Sunday
approx midnight: go to sleep

8 am: wake up for cheer tryouts
9:15 am: head to tryouts
10 am-2 pm: tryouts
2pm on: FREEDOM!!! (and probably homework)

So basically I'm dead. By Sunday afternoon I'll be running on empty.

Yesterday I totaled in at 620 calories. I won't bore you with the food. I burned 650 calories that day so my net total was -30 calories. Not terrible, especially since I weighed in at 120.5.
Today was soooooo much better. I had one actual meal and one snack-like meal later in the day. Earlier I ate 1/2 penne pasta with meat sauce and parmesan (155 cal), 4 thick cut french fries (40 cal), and 4 oz of chicken ortega soup (150 cal). Later I just had some frozen yogurt (75 cal), and veggies with ranch (100 cal). So my total comes to 495 calories, and I burned off 700 through dance and the gym so my net intake today was -205 calories. The downside: I weighed in at 121.5 lbs, which of course only pushed me harder to burn more calories on the elliptical. I did weigh myself at 9 pm, so I'm sure my weigh in tomorrow morning will be much more accurate.

I know this post is already looooooooooooong, but I want to talk quickly about my birthday. It's coming up in early June and I know what I want to do. Have I talked about this? Well if I have I'm mentioning it again.The local theater plays previously released (usually cult or classic) movies every weekend at midnight. The movie they're playing 2 days before my birthday? Mean Girls!!! Only one of my most favorite movies ever! My mom took me out of school early the day it premiered (I was in 6th grade) so we could see it together. I've seen it over 40 times and know all the dialogue! I'm so excited for this, it's really one of the best ways to celebrate my birthday. And there's this really cool burger place downtown that everyone but me has been to, so I want to go. Hopefully I'll be at least 118 lbs, so I may allow myself an indulgence. This burger place is known for their unique burgers. A patty in between two grilled cheese sandwiches anyone? How about one surrounded by two glazed doughnuts? One topped with macaroni and tomato? I'm really looking forward to this.

Hot damn, enough about me. I congratulate you if you've read this far. Your reward:

I guess I'm feeling a little leggy today.
♥ Toni

Wednesday, May 18, 2011

So fucking happy!

Ok this post is going to be super short. I have like 20 minutes left on my battery life so I'll catch up on all the comments and posts later in the evening.

I just have to post all the freaking awesome stuff that happened in the last 3 hours.

1. I actually had a 24 hours fast, and I wasn't even trying to fast today!
2. I weighed in at 120.5 lbs! Yeeeeeeeeeeees! Hit goal weight #5!
3. Got an on campus apartment for next year! I'm so happy because my group got like the last one in my college.
4. I got a small double in my apartment! This is super exciting because I was prepared to pay a lot more for on campus housing for next year, and this will cut down a lot on my cost.
5. I'm feeling so much better that the past 2 days. No more sick Toni!

I'm just in a sea of good feelings right now. I'm sure I just jinxed it and will end up feeling like crap tonight. Haha oh well. I'll definitely be back later tonight. Hope you all are having a great day!


Ok I lied. I have a 2000 word paper due tomorrow at 10 am, so I'll have to catch you all up on my exercise and food tomorrow. Have a good night ladies!

♥ Toni

Tuesday, May 17, 2011

My post from earlier was getting too long, so I decided to make a new one.

Alright so my -150 plan didn't go so well today. I ate a little more than I planned and didn't exercise as much as I wanted to, but I was also feeling sore as hell after dance class, plus I'm already sick. I did break my ritual though. Yes, I have one. One that I follow every time I weigh myself, I'll explain in a sec. And even though I broke it just this once I weighed in at 121.5 lbs. Down .25 lbs from yesterday, yay! I think I'll actually be able to get to 121.0 by Saturday, maybe less!

Food was about 700 today. As i said earlier the yogurt, blueberries and banana were 200 cals. Then for lunch I had 6 oz beef &barley soup (75 cal), a few bites of bean, cucumber, and tomato salad in sesame sauce (45 cal), 2 wheat rolls (150 cal), 1 oatmeal raisin cookie (75 cal), a small brownie (60 cal), and another cookie later on (90 cal). Total calories consumed was 690 calories, and I burned off 350 in dance, so net total is 340 calories. Still not bad, still under 500 calories.

Dance was AWESOME today. We started a routine to Lady Gaga's "Judas". Despite my teacher's reluctance to the Gaga, she obliged us and gave us a really fun routine! I'm so excited for the last 3 1/2 weeks of class. =)

Ok yes, the ritual I mentioned. I do it to minimize the weight I carry every time I weigh myself. First off, I try not to eat or drink anything for at least 6 hours before I go to the gym, and waking up early and hitting the elliptical is even better. Then, when I sweated all the pounds off, I go into the girl's locker room and go to the bathroom. While I'm in there I change my sports bra to a thin, cotton training bra and then come out, wash my hands, and go weigh myself, and when I do this I'm wearing nothing but my undies and cotton bra. This is the closest I can come to being totally naked so I can optimize the weight I've lost. And then afterwards I fill up my water bottle and drink at least 24 oz of water to rehydrate myself. So there you have it. I think it works pretty well. I seem to be a little bit smaller every time I do it.

Ok gotta finish a draft of this essay that's due for peer review tomorrow!

Big sweaters, my favorite!

 I really want a form fitting white dress.
Think Lindsay Lohan court appearance. I looooooved that dress.

What I wouldn't do for legs like these.

Hope all of your nights are going well. Mine's a hell of a lot better than last night.

♥ Toni
P.S.- This is from like a week ago and I never answered this question. My roommates were ragging on Nicole Richie because they think she's too thin and looks anorexic. If only they knew she's pretty much my body idol, especially since we're about the same height.


A big thanks to all the girls who commented last night. It really made me feel better, especially since when I wrote the post I was covered in tears and my face was a swollen piece of meat.

There was one part of the story I guess I forgot to mention. Among all the emotional hurt I never made clear that I asked Aaron the question of whether or not he'd ever imagined himself with another girl, and I asked because of a story I read on FML.com. For some reason all the guys on that site are cheaters or plain jerks...so yeah he didn't bring the topic up out of the blue. But that didn't make his response any less shocking.

But anyways thanks for being so supportive. I know for some people a scenario like this isn't a big deal (but obviously I'm not one of them haha). Aaron and I talked a lot last night and I think we're ok. He has this problem with emotions...as in he's convinced he can't feel anything emotionally. I guess to some extent that's true, but then again I'm fairly sure he doesn't try to work through the issue and instead I'm the one who feels like he doesn't care about me and isn't very invested in making sure I'm 100% happy in this relationship. Case in point: when he ignored me last night. Oh but he's not the only one with problems I suppose. I have this little eating disorder thing...(which, by the way, I'm practically flailing on front of him and he acts as if he doesn't see it). But this is all too depressing for me to drone on about for this entire post.

On to happier topics...

Olivia: Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeah! In a few short months we're going to be fellow banana slugs! We should totally take some dance classes together or hit up the gym or go to a midnight movie or something. Do you know where you're living? Ah probably the transfer house in Porter I guess. I'm *crossing my fingers* that I'll have an apartment there next year, but I might have to go back into the dorms or get an apartment at Kresge or something. I'm so excited and happy for you. =)

Food: I've already had breakfast. A banana (70 cal), and 4 oz of strawberry yogurt with 25 blueberries (130 cal), so if I eat nothing else and go to dance class I'll already be at -150 calories for the day, although that probably won't happen. I think today I'll try to get in 30 minutes at the gym and burn off another 350 calories, which means with dance that's 700 calories burned, which means I can only eat a max of 550 calories, which means I have 350 left to eat. I'm praying they'll be some good, low cal soups in the dining halls today. I'm already sick and probably working my body harder than I should, so I should at least have the option of having some healthy food options, not the regular pizza, clam chowder, and burgers that keep flying in my face. Can I hear a whoop whoop for chicken noodle? Or maybe some pozole? Or veggie medley?

Ah I'm rambling. I'll be back later. With thinspo!

Update: Just updated my "Measurements" tab because I thought it was time to take my measurements again. I've lost almost 5 inches! What I'd really like to be in the future is something like 34-25-35. My waist-to-hip ratio now is about .74, and with those measurements it would be .71, which is much closer to the ideal .7 (i.e. my waist is 70% the circumference of my hips).

Christy: A waist-to-hip ratio of 70% is supposed to be the most appealing to men. Divide the circumference of your waist by the circumference of your hips and multiply by 100 and you get your w-t-h percentage. 70% is the ideal ratio. Basically it's just another motivation for me to lose weight.

Monday, May 16, 2011

Sex, it's a nightmare.

Thank you for all the congrats on my last post. I can't even really fathom that I used to carry another 25 lbs on this frame.

Today, though, pretty much sucked. Oh I stuck to my eating plan, that's not the problem. I consumed only 315 calories and burned off 550 (300 dance, 250 elliptical) for a net total of -235 calories. Plus I weighed in at 121.75, so at least I'll probably make it to 121 or even less by Saturday.

My distress today comes from none other than the boyfriend himself: Aaron. And just a warning, not everyone will agree with what happened. I realize this. This is my own opinion of what I thought my relationship was about.
You know that well-perpetuated rumor that says all guys think about is sex? If a girl is even remotely hot they'll think about fucking her. If they could get away with it they'd cheat on you in a heartbeat? That they view sex as just an act and think it's not that big of a deal? Well, those rumors are true, at least when it comes to him.
I've been with Aaron over two years now, and I thought I knew his views on sex. I know he wouldn't cheat on me. I know he'd feel bad. I also know he thinks that sex isn't a huge deal outside of a relationship. And yet it still stung when he told me that he regularly imagines himself fucking other girls. As in, girls he sees walking down the street that he thinks are hot. Not celebs, but every day girls who go to my school. Am I crazy for being hurt because of that, especially since I've hardly even done the same since we've been together - and when I do I feel horrible afterwards? I just thought that I was the only thing he wanted. And yes, I know the counterargument is "well he didn't actually cheat on you," but to me the thought is almost as bad.
And I think the worst part is that afterwards he just kind of ignored that I was upset at all. He didn't apologize for hurting my feelings and when I left the lounge we were in to go back to my room he just left. He didn't come to talk things through. He. Just. Ignored. Me.
That's what made me the most upset. He couldn't just say sorry, he had to make it worse.

I'm sorry for this. I just had to get it out. I have relatively liberal views on everything but sex, and I know not everyone is going to see this through my eyes. It's just nice to have somewhere to let all of this out, because I'm really not feeling good about me and him at all. I'm too attached though.

Well, here's to things being better tomorrow. I have an hour and a half class with him tomorrow afternoon, so we'll see how it goes.

I hope you all are having a much, much, much better day than me.

♥ Toni

If only life were like the pictures we spend so much time emulating...

Sunday, May 15, 2011

Maybe I'll at least hit Weight Goal #5.

I'm sorry for not commenting much the past few days...and I'm sorry I haven't been sticking to my eating goals.

First it was 118 lbs by this Saturday.

Then it changed to 120.

Now I'm moving it up to 121.

This is because yesterday I did spectacular, and then not so spectacular. I finished the day with only 245 calories, and had burned off 675 at the gym, so a net total of -430. I didn't weigh myself though. I wanted Friday's disaster to wear off a little. Then I went to go see Raiders of the Lost Ark with Aaron and my friends at the local movie theater (they do midnight movies every weekend with classics films). I had a hot chocolate, some popcorn, and Reese's Pieces. Even though I know it wasn't much, I must have eaten at least 450 more calories, bringing my total to 695 calories and my net total to 20 calories. Yes, I know that's actually really good but I really wanted to stick to my planned intake for the week. So I've compromised. I'll try to stick to losing only 2 lbs by Saturday - at least I'll be at my next weight goal. =)

Today I didn't fare so well. Throughout the day I've been feeling more and more sick. Sneezing, fatigue (despite 8 hours of sleep), soreness. The whole 9 yards. And I had the runs. Sorry, that was probably TMA. How did I cope? I ate and didn't exercise. I had a turkey sandwich (375 cal), a slice of pepperoni pizza (150 cal), a milkshake (at least 450 cal), french fries (didn't keep track), and some cookies (something like 200 cal). So well over 1,200 calories. Not a binge, not restriction. I feel awful just the same though. My only solace is that my RMR will probably balance it out and I'll be neutral when it comes to weight gain. Tomorrow I'll at least be getting exercise.

New plan: eat a maximum of 550 calories and burn at least 700 calories a day. Actually, all I need is a net total of -150. With a resting metabolic rate of 1,250 I should, mathematically, be at 121 lbs by Saturday.

Mini celebration I've been forgetting to mention: at 123 lbs I've officially lost 25 lbs since my highest goal weight last Thanksgiving.

Will I ever be that thin, hot college chick?

♥ Toni
P.S.- Could be my imagination, but I think my gap is ever so slightly bigger. Progress. :D

Saturday, May 14, 2011

I feel like a blimp.

I definitely ate a crapload for dinner with Aaron at 5 pm. 3 pieces of naan, more peach pie, and soup. Then I had second dinner! Pizza and soda, reeeeeeeeeal healthy. If that scale tomorrow shows 125 lbs I won't be surprised in the least. Why does this happen every weekend?!?! Well, not tomorrow, or the next day, or any day until Saturday, and even after that I need to stop allowing myself to feel like I've fucked up so much it doesn't matter.

I just calculated my resting RMR. It's 1,250, meaning that if I somehow don't gain permanent lbs from this lil' mini binge I'll have to stick to a strict calorie restriction of 400 calories and burn off 650 calories a day. That along with the deficit of 1,250 means I'll burn off 10,500 calories by the end of next Friday, which is exactly 3 lbs, which will bring me to my goal of 120 lbs. This should be fun...

Must. Have. Perfect. Body.

Friday, May 13, 2011

I think I lost weight by magic.

I will not attempt to bore you with how much I ate yesterday. To be honest I didn't think it would be as much as it ended up being. Long story short I ate 1,630 calories and only burned off 650, leaving me with a net total of 980 calories. Not a surprise that my weigh in last night was 124.

Miraculously, after my workout this morning (in which I burned off 420 calories), I weighed 123. How I lost a whole lb I'll never know, but this next week I am going to work my ass off to get to 120 by Saturday, and then I'll only need to lose 2.5 lbs per week to meet the goal of 115 by June 4.

Today I've already let myself have too much. I didn't eat before the gym, but had lunch afterwards which consisted of veggies and ranch (205 cal), a tostada with beans and guacamole (200 cal), and iced coffee with equal and 2 tbsp of Silm (15 cal), a super small piece of chocolate cake (50 cal), and a piece of peach pie (250 cal). That comes to 720 calories, 300 if you factor in the gym. This will not do. I need to keep my calories in check and start sticking to a better diet. Hm...I said these dame words about a week ago. Shows you how hard my dedication is, doesn't it? Well, I can't promise I won't eat again because I just asked a friend to grab dinner just before I logged on, so I'll just try to keep it super duper low in calories.

You know, I really don't need this added stress on top of finals and essays and all this other crap going on.

Thursday, May 12, 2011

Yay for low weigh ins!

So sorry I had no update for you last night. Aaron ended up staying the night and I got very tired around 11 pm, so I decided to call it a night.

Before dance class I didn't have much to eat. Before my 8 am class I had some coffee with creamer (20 cal) and 2 oz. of yogurt (60 cal). After lit class though I was starving. My stomach was going to eat itself, and I know that's not much of an excuse, but I had a snack of banana and peanut butter (285 cal).
And then after dance class I weighed myself...123.25! Woah! Very happy with that number. =)
And y'all know what I do after I see a low number...I eat. Although yesterday I thought I kept it fairly low. I grabbed some tomato basil soup (155 cal), a small spinach salad with ranch (90 cal), a blueberry crisp pastry (110 cal), and a small brownie (55 cal). Plus there were misc bites of things throughout the day (75 cal). So my intake for the day was 925 calories, but the 300 I burned in dance and 230 I burned in the gym brings my net total to 395 calories.

That wasn't even the best part of my day. I've really been itching to talk to my dance teacher about trying out for the university dance team and where she thinks I'm at in terms of technique. Her opinion means a lot because those tryouts in the fall were brutal and I since then I've been weary about my ability to dance, but she told me to definitely go for it. She also told me that I needed to take harder classes (even though, unlike this quarter, she won't be the one teaching them next term, just jazz I) and tossed around the idea of me being her assistant for jazz I in the fall. I can't tell you how ecstatic I was. I'm pretty sure I've written a post detailing my experience on my high school dance team, but I can't find it right now. Long story short: I feel like when it came to leadership and recognition of ability myself and a few other girls were basically jipped. I pretty much worked my ass off on the team and desperately wanted to be captain blah blah blah you know how stories like this go. I'm just really happy she didn't tell me I wasn't ready for something like this. And now I'm really excited for both cheer and dance tryouts. :D

As for today, I had a little home made parfait thing with plain yogurt, blue berries, banana, and peach. I'll calculate the calories for it later. Off to catch up on posts!

Tuesday, May 10, 2011

Will I ever get the hang of this?

I ate outside of my rules today. I had dinner...real dinner. And I felt so good about yesterday too. =(

I was doing so well too! Breakfast was 4.5 oz of yogurt with 1 tbsp granola and 30 blueberries (195 cal) plus 8 oz of coffee with equal and plain creamer (30 cal). Good.
Lunch was a green apple (30 cal), 2 pieces of pineapple (40 cal), and 1/2 cup of mango pieces (55 cal). Good.
Dinner was 3 mini cinnamon buns (190 cal), 8 oz of hot chocolate with whipped cream (150 cal), a small serving of spaghetti (120 cal), and a piece of flatbread pizza (175 cal). BAD.
Despite this big weakness, I burned 300 calories at the gym this morning and another 350 at dance, so my total is only 380 calories for the day. Good. Would have been better if I had just stuck to shrimp chowder, but whatever.

I weighed in at 125.25 lbs this morning after my 9 am workout. I was hoping for a lower number...and now with this pig out I had I'll be lucky if I'm any smaller tomorrow. Seriously, I'm going to try to survive on just coffee until 5 pm, which is when my modern dance class is over. It makes me pee like nothing else, which is good because the less water weight the better.

I have no crazy rants to go on this evening except this annoying thing I like to call: roommates and their friends. Currently I have 6 extra people in my room who are being hella loud and I'm definitely trying to go to sleep by midnight tonight considering I have to get up at 7 to go to my 8 am class. I'm...really tired of having roommates to be honest. I'll be so happy when I'm just rooming with Jenna next year in the apartments. And to top it off, they dissed the goddess that is Nicole Richie.

I mean, come on, is she not perfection?
Whatever, I still like her.

Monday, May 9, 2011

Getting easier

I don't know why this is a separate post rather than an addition to my last post, but whatever. That post was mainly concerned with fashion faux pas anyway, which I'm happily surprised to find that a lot of you agreed with. I was sure that post would ruffle some feathers, but I guess we're pant-wearing ladies.

Savanna- I didn't even notice that guy! Haha too funny.

A.beautiful.mess- Red? Really? At least go for a classy black or nude, but red? Some girls, I swear...

Ok, this is just a record of the food I had today. I already posted my breakfast which ended in 215 calories. I didn't have much of a lunch, just 6 oz of tortilla soup (with some tortilla strips; 190 cal), and a cheat: a small piece of carrot cake (100 cal) and a few steak fries (115 cal). But I burned most of it off with dance (-300 cal) and 25 minutes on the elliptical (-305 cal). Then another quick bowl of tortilla soup (sans the tortilla strips; 160 cal) and some beef broth (plus 75% of my daily sodium, yuck; 20 cal), and my intake for the day is 800 calories, and my net intake is 195 calories. Yay.

I'm still trying to get a hold of not eating solid food, but considering the only non-raw, solid food I had today was the carrot cake and fries I think I'm doing ok. I may just change this to a liquid, soft, and raw food diet and then wean myself into ditching the raw food for a few days. I weighed in at 126 today (granted I had just eaten 3 hours ago) and want this extra weight off. 122 by the end of the week: that's my goal. Tomorrow I'm waking up at 8 and getting in a super early workout. Goal: burn at least 350 calories. Plus I know that because it's the morning I'll weigh less. And besides the 20 calories of beef broth in my tummy I'm going to bed hungry.

I can feel it, tomorrow is going to be a good day.

Woooooow, did I really just post thinspo 
of a girl wearing jeggings and a crop top? 
She's thin, it's mildly ok.

'night all,
♥ Toni

P.S.-45 followers! Thank you!

Shirts are NOT dresses, and leggings are NOT pants.

Ok I wasn't going to post so early but there are a few things I don't want to wait to talk about.

First, Ariana: I totally forgot about broth! A few months ago I bought a few cans and I still haven't eaten (drank?) them. I will definitely use those up and probably buy some bullion cubes. They take up way less space.

Second: Is there some sort of correlation between getting up early and sweating like you're in 102 degree weather? Because if there is I have it. I'm sorry, I know it's gross, but I feel like there's an ocean under my armpits right now, and this hasn't happened to me all year. In high school I used to sweat really badly, but since college started I've noticed a sharp decline in my perspiration, and I think it's because I wake up later. Today I woke up at 7:20, still later than high school (5:55, ugh how did I do that?) but I definitely think it has something to do with this yuckiness, and I am none too happy about it.

Third: I'm definitely taking in people's advice on this liquid fast thing and starting out very slow. For breakfast I had a 12 oz coffee with a tbsp of creamer (30 cal), 4 oz of strawberry yogurt (115 cal), and 1/4 cup of blueberries (25 cal). Then I had a second breakfast, but that was just another 8 ox of coffee with creamer (10 cal) and a clementine (35 cal). So my total is only up to 215 calories and I feel very content. I'm incorporating semi-solid foods and fruits. No breads, no meat, no sweets.

Fourth: This is totally unrelated, but I guess it could count as thinspo. This picture comes from a Facebook album of a friend of a friend. She's second to the right in light blue. Her and the girl in the LBD have very nice, thin legs. Legs that I'm jealous of, but...

I am sorry but whoever the fuck says that piece of light blue cloth is a dress is off their fucking rocker. That is not a dress. That's barely even a tunic. I can't believe she kept her ass from showing the entire night (she's not wearing spanks underneath). What the fuck is the world coming to when that is considered a dress? If you notice the hem considerably higher than all the others, which are dresses, not a shirt parading around as a dress. I'm sorry, I just get a little OCD about girls and the things they call "clothes".

For instance:

 (leggings as pants)

Is only ok when you do this
(wear a tunic/dress/skirt or shorts over them)

Or when you're doing this
(working out)

Otherwise you look like this
(camel toe out for everyone to see)
 Or this
(ass out for everyone to see)

The absolute worst is when I see girls around my campus wearing leggings as pants and a crop top. It's just...no! Leggings aren't a substitute for pants. Pants are a substitute for pants. How hard is is to put on a nice pair of skinny jeans, or at the very least jeggings, than it is to parade around showing me your ass (and if you bend over most likely your thong too) because you couldn't put pants on? I mean, right? Does anyone else feel this way? I just hate it. I only wear leggings when I'm going to the gym. That's the only time. None of this cropped tee and sandals crap. Ugggggggggggggh! I'm sorry, it's just one of my biggest pet peeves.

Ok I feel like my exasperated rant over clothes and such has gone on long enough. I'll post back later concerning food and exercise and all that good stuff.

Stay lovely,
♥ Toni

Sunday, May 8, 2011

Easing into liquid fasting...

First day at attempted liquid fasting=kind of bad. Ok, pretty bad. I started out the day with a cheat. I had 4 oz of vegan chili (40 cal), green tea (0 cal), 6 oz of hot chocolate (115 cal), and 3/4 of an old fashioned glazed doughnut (225 cal). Not...terrible. Mostly liquid. Then I got back to my room and had some spiced cider (80 cal) and 4 packs of seaweed (15 cal). Then I had a mini box of Reese's Puffs cereal sans milk (120 cal), redvines (140 cal), and chips (150 cal). Yeah, so much for liquid. At least I've been peeing all day. I'll try better tomorrow, and I'll actually have exercise tomorrow, but for today my total came to 885 calories. At least it was under 1000, unlike the rest of my weekend.

Thank you to the girls who gave me tips on this diet excursion. I can't really juice my own stuff (I live in a dorm without a kitchen), but if I do drink juice I'll try to buy some organic pulpy stuff. I'll probably stick to mostly water, tea, and hot chocolate (haha, need the sugar). Maybe some Gatorade or V8 juice. No soda, no concentrate crap. Maybe if I'm feeling up to it a real piece of fruit

Oh and I'm up to 44 followers. =)
I'm always surprised to see that number go up. Thank you ladies for making me feel like I'm not completely boring.

This isn't like me

So I'd say last night was the first time in a loooooooong while that I consciously ate like I used to. After Taco Bell my total, even with the 700+ calories I burned at the gym, was over 1200. Combined with Friday's horrible eating I'm not surprised that I weigh something like 128 lbs, although I dare not weigh myself today. I'm taking a break from tanning and working out today to focus on finishing my essay that's due at 8 am tomorrow. And I think I'll start a liquid fast and see how that goes. I've never done one because I've always thought it was silly to drink your calories when good old fashioned water will do the trick, but right now I'm up for anything. I got down to 123.5 lbs Friday afternoon. By this Friday I want to be at least 122. Let the fasting begin.

Hm, another thin and tan picture. 
I think I'm starting to get obsessed.

Oh and if anyone has any advice whatsoever regarding liquid fasts (what juices/drinks are better than others, which to avoid) please comment! I've never done this so any advice is welcome. =)

♥ Toni

Saturday, May 7, 2011


Alright I'm officially disgusted with myself. I ate helllllllllllllllllllla. Like, really, a lot.
So for dinner we all went to an Italian restaurant. It was a really good one too, the kind that keeps giving you bread when you don't ask for it. So guess who had 4, with butter (275 cal)? That's right, me. At least I also got a side salad with red wine vinaigrette (80 cal). My entree was a salami and mozzarella sandwich on a french roll (520 cal). So all in all it wasn't terrible. With the 525 calories I burned I was down to 350 total. But wait! There's more. We wen to Coldstone afterward...big mistake. I got a Cheesecake Fantasy in the love it size...in a waffle cone. It was, drum roll please, 660 calories total. Six hundred and sixty calories. For ice cream. Not even real food. So my grand total for the night was 1010 calories. No surprise that I was a whopping 127 lbs on the scale today after the gym. With all the damn food and smoothie in my stomach I'm sure I won't even be able to get rid of it by tomorrow.

Speaking of, Christy: I try to hop on the elliptical when I go to the gym, and on those I burn anywhere from 10.5-12 calories a minute, so that's how I burn so many in so little time. Like today I burned 710 calories in a 65 minute time span.

So far today my net intake is only 140. Brunch was pretty gruesome. I had some beef and barley soup (115 cal), veggies with ranch (55 cal), 12 oz of reduced fat chocolate milk (155 cal), and an apple danish (175 cal). Then a little bit later I had a mango smoothie (350 cal). It's an 850 total, but my exercise brings it down to 140. Aaron wants to go to Taco Bell for dinner. I don't know...they have some relatively low-cal options, so it's a possibility.

I'll try to update later, but you know me, I kind of procrastinate on that...oops.

To be tan and thin...I only wish.

Sorry for the depressing post.
♥ Toni

P.S.-Aaron's been sitting next to me this whole time. He'd like me to tell you all "hi." :)

Friday, May 6, 2011

Update on last night:

So...yeah, I know I forgot to update. And the update itself isn't very pretty.

After dance class I weighed in at 124.75. Up 1.25 lbs. Sigh...
And then as I was on the bus Aaron called. He ended up getting at another stop and convinced me to go eat with him at a dining hall, so I did, and had Special K, a piece of pizza, a brownie, and 3 cookies. It's not much, and I know my total is less than 1000, but I felt pretty shitty afterwards.

I think for the next two weeks I'm going to give the 10 Day Diet a little break. I think I'll just stick to having a net total of 500 or below and I'll be happy. And I think my goal for cheer tryouts is going to change to 120 lbs instead of 118, but 115 is still ideal for dance tryouts. I've just been so overwhelmed lately and I need a break from putting my body through so much stress.

I think my weigh in today will be satisfactory. It'd be awesome to be back down to 123.5, but a solid 124 will please me. I'm not going to eat until after my midterm (that whole "you perform better on tests after you've eaten" just never really applied to me) and burn maybe 400-500 calories and then weigh in. I think that'll get me down to something I like.

Ok, I'm off to read everyone's posts before I go get some sun and then head off to my midterm. Thank you for all the support on that! I think it should be fairly easy, just 100 multiple choice questions, but you never know!

Motivation to keep me going:
I love it when you can tell a girl is still thin under a baggy t-shirt.

I'll catch up with you guys after my workout!

♥ Toni

Update #1
I saw it: 123.5! It was a nice little surprise to behold. And I was planning on getting a smoothie after my workout (burned 525 calories in 45 minutes!), especially after seeing that number, but a bunch of us are going out to an Italian restaurant for a friend's birthday, so I'll try to keep it under 800. Maybe I'll split a dish with someone. Too much pasta fills me up like nothing else, except maybe pancakes. =/

Ok, update #2 will come after dinner. Wish me luck!

Thursday, May 5, 2011

Good Day, Bad Night

Sorry I didn't post last night. Aaron was over and I also had a project to finish, so between all that and wanting to get enough sleep I couldn't post.

Yesterday I wanted to wait until after dance to eat anything. Yeah, right. I ate probably 3 hours before I weighed in and had 4 chicken nuggets, french fries, and some veggies. Ummmm, can you say unhealthy? But despite that I weighed in at 123.5 lbs. What?! Really? I couldn't believe it. I still can't really believe it. But you wouldn't believe how much sweat I was soaked in afterwards. That dance studio is hot. So I went for a nice swim with Aaron and some friends. I felt accomplished. So I ate. A lot. Pizza, cereal, orange chicken, 3/4 of a burger. Ugggggggggggh. I didn;t even bother figuring out how many calories it all was because I'm positive it was over 1000 total. Great, it'll take a miracle for me not to gain today.

In an attempt to eat as little as possible but still not feel overly hungry I've only had a lemon poppyseed muffin and a cup of orange juice so far. Carbs and fruit juice: I think it's a good combo.

I'm sorry but this post will have to be short for now. I'm currently juggling trying to pay attention in class, Aaron being extremely annoying, writing postcards to send to my relatives for various birthdays/Mother's Day, and writing this. Can I just get a day where I don't have to do anything??? That's not a huge request, right? At least I have a cancelled class tomorrow, but I also have a midterm. Awesome.

Ok, I'll update later. Thank you for all the great comments on Tuesday's post. You girls are lovely. =)

Tuesday, May 3, 2011


So I'm totally waiting on Aaron to give me his headphones to do my homework right now...and I'm bored...so I thought I'd put a post up.

First of all he does not need those headphones to do his chem homework. We're in the library  and I forgot mine in my room, so you think he'd be nice and give them to me. Nope. All he's doing is listening to freaking dub-step. I, however, need them to watch My Cousin Vinny for my film music essay. Ugh I wish he would be a bit more considerate some of the time most of the time.

So the fast is going well, I guess. I'm eyeing this guy's chocolate muffin right about now. Splendid. At least I only have 6 more hours to go. How long did I say this fast was? 28 hours? Well let's hope I can hit 123 today. If not I'm going to rage super hard.

Ok got the headphones. I'll post later, probably really late. Sorry. =(

Good news - I'm down to 124.75 lbs.
Bad news - that means I only lost 1/2 a pound!
I guess I can't blame my body. I ended up eating at 6. Not the 28 hour fast I thought I'd have, but 24 hours is good enough. And I only had 4 oz of chicken & wild rice soup (100 cal), a small corner piece of focaccia (50 cal), and a super small piece of poppy seed cake (75 cal). And then I came home and had a mini pig out. 1 redvine and 1 peep (55 cal) and sour cream &onion chips (190 cal). Total for the day: 470 calories. Burned off 350 in jazz so net intake: 120 calories. At least I got all 80 points today for the 10 Day Diet. Hopefully if I can lose .5 lbs today, I can do the same tomorrow. Aiming for 124.0 lbs. And thanks for all the comments on my gap! I know it's tiny, but I'll post pics every 5 lbs maybe? to show the progress.

Yes, yes, yes, tanned and toned, just what I want to be. =)

Wishing a lovely evening for my lovely ladies,
♥ Toni

New Tab

Last night I made a new tab labeled "Progress in Photos." It currently only has my gap on it but I'll have before/after pics soon!

Monday, May 2, 2011

The Meaning of Life

Yes, the number of followers has reached that point. 42: the meaning of life.

My weekend was so-so. We'll see exactly how bad it was when in weigh in today.

Saturday was relatively ok. I had a turkey sandwich that I made in the dining hall. Bread (120 cal), 3 oz turkey (90 cal), 3 slices cheddar cheese (115 cal), and pickles, mustard, and lettuce (10 cal). I also had an orange (60 cal), some frozen yogurt (50cal), and a small piece of a blondie (45 cal) for a total of 490 calories. Then I burned 565 calories off with some jogging and the elliptical. I drank 2 L of water and got 8 hours of sleep, so another 80 point day for the 10 Day Diet.

Yesterday was kind of a blip. I had Easter candy and chips and was going to leave it at that because it was under 500 calories, but I ended up eating dinner which was a slice of pizza, some vegan chili, granola squares, and 1 piece of french toast. It's likely under 1000 calories total but I felt super terrible about it after, so I'm fasting today until I weigh in. Plus I didn't get any exercise yesterday, so my point count is only 50. =/

Today so far I've only had a cup of coffee with 3/4 tbsp of creamer (25 cal) and water, and I'm hoping I'll pee most of that out by 5. If I've gained anything more than 1 lb than I'll just fast until tomorrow's dance class. =)

So less than 3 weeks until cheer tryouts and about a month until dance tryouts. I need to be 118 in 19 days. We'll see how feasible that is once I've weighed in. If nothing else I want to be 118 by dance tryouts, which gives me an extra two weeks, so maybe 115. I'm going to have to work hard, but I think I can give it a go.

Ok, I'll post what I see on the scale later tonight and have more thinspiration for you lovely ladies soon.

♥ Toni

125.25. Only .75 lbs up from Friday. I can deal with that. It wasn't a full lb, so I allowed myself to eat dinner, but tomorrow I'm planning on going the whole day without food. At least until after dance class. So by the time I get home it'll be about 10 pm. That's...28 hours of fasting I believe. I just want to see a new number. I want 123. 122. 121...all the way down to 118.

Upside: I'm getting tanner. =)

Another upside: Remember the post on Thursday about jazz class and how I died afterwards because my teacher asked me to do the dance so many times? Today she told me I was the absolute best one in that routine.

This was me today:

And I really needed it at the time, too. It's that time of year again: the dance/drill team I was on in high school just got done with their week of tryouts and today they announced who made leadership. I was getting my nostalgia on like you wouldn't believe, but I was also really jealous because all that time I put into that team bubbled back up and the memory of never getting on leadership crept into my brain. Captain, co-captain, Senior Lieutenant, Junior Lieutenant. I was never any of it. But the past has passed. All I hope for now is to make the cheer or dance team. I'll worry about leadership only after I've crossed that bridge.

Ok food time. I've only had dinner, and tonight was Meatless Monday in my dining hall, so I had some vegetarian nachos (205 cal), veggie lasagna (95 cal), 6 oz. of Pepsi (75 cal), and 3 oz of apple crisp (135 cal), plus that coffee this morning (25 cal) equals 535 calories. Not ideal, but my all-day fast tomorrow should take care of it. Plus I burned 300 calories at dance today so my net total is 235 calories. I skipped the gym. I just really wasn't feeling up to it.

Ariana: It's ok! I totally fell off the 10 Day Diet my first go around. I'm planning on pretty much just making this a 30 Day Diet, so just jump back on after the first 10 days are up and we'll be on track together. =)

Speaking of the 10 Day Diet. My point total today is 70. 10 for food, 20 for everything else.

Waiting for the days when I 
can look this good in gym clothes.