Today, though, pretty much sucked. Oh I stuck to my eating plan, that's not the problem. I consumed only 315 calories and burned off 550 (300 dance, 250 elliptical) for a net total of -235 calories. Plus I weighed in at 121.75, so at least I'll probably make it to 121 or even less by Saturday.
My distress today comes from none other than the boyfriend himself: Aaron. And just a warning, not everyone will agree with what happened. I realize this. This is my own opinion of what I thought my relationship was about.
You know that well-perpetuated rumor that says all guys think about is sex? If a girl is even remotely hot they'll think about fucking her. If they could get away with it they'd cheat on you in a heartbeat? That they view sex as just an act and think it's not that big of a deal? Well, those rumors are true, at least when it comes to him.
I've been with Aaron over two years now, and I thought I knew his views on sex. I know he wouldn't cheat on me. I know he'd feel bad. I also know he thinks that sex isn't a huge deal outside of a relationship. And yet it still stung when he told me that he regularly imagines himself fucking other girls. As in, girls he sees walking down the street that he thinks are hot. Not celebs, but every day girls who go to my school. Am I crazy for being hurt because of that, especially since I've hardly even done the same since we've been together - and when I do I feel horrible afterwards? I just thought that I was the only thing he wanted. And yes, I know the counterargument is "well he didn't actually cheat on you," but to me the thought is almost as bad.
And I think the worst part is that afterwards he just kind of ignored that I was upset at all. He didn't apologize for hurting my feelings and when I left the lounge we were in to go back to my room he just left. He didn't come to talk things through. He. Just. Ignored. Me.
That's what made me the most upset. He couldn't just say sorry, he had to make it worse.
I'm sorry for this. I just had to get it out. I have relatively liberal views on everything but sex, and I know not everyone is going to see this through my eyes. It's just nice to have somewhere to let all of this out, because I'm really not feeling good about me and him at all. I'm too attached though.
Well, here's to things being better tomorrow. I have an hour and a half class with him tomorrow afternoon, so we'll see how it goes.
I hope you all are having a much, much, much better day than me.
If only life were like the pictures we spend so much time emulating...