Tuesday, January 31, 2012

I am tired, and yet I'd stay up all night for him.

Thank you to the lovelies who commented on my last post. I am very grateful for your words of comfort. And yes Olivia, I need to have tea with you soon! Everything is ok now. I'm at a very good place emotionally in my relationship. It's full of love and commitment and sex. Yeah...lots of that. ;)

But yeah I've been much better the last few days. Last night Oliver told me he loved me for the first time and I won't lie, it pretty much erased all of the negative feelings I was having throughout the day. I don't want anyone to worry because I'm not in any danger and I feel like this is the only place I can let out something like this, but I've been scratching at my wrists. Sometimes they hurt really bad and sting for a few days after. I haven't broken skin but sometimes it just makes me feel better to claw at myself. I don't know what prompted my moods to be default depressed, but when I'm left alone with my thoughts for too long they take over and I can't shake this sense of despair I get. I get annoyed with people, but I need them to make me ok.

But enough about that, I'm feeling ok now. On Saturday I was an extra for the film I'm working on as Assistant Director. I got to be the "hot girl" at a party with her shirt off making out with a guy (Oliver, also shirtless). It was the first time I've ever been knowingly ogled at...and it felt good. I have a pic below. I want to go to the gym tomorrow morning and maybe finally start to get back into shape. I'm still looming around 120, but you all now I want to be smaller!

♥ Toni
P.S. -  photos from the shoot
him with his shirt off (ain't he sexy?)

us during a take making out on the right



  1. Ahhhhh you have a "I'm getting laid" glow in your writing!! It's beautiful. You know I always approve of sex. I totally say those pictures too, and you owned that hot girl role!! Seriously dude, go you. As for the scratching, just be super aware of how you're feeling, and trying and thing through it. much love

  2. Hey Toni, been reading your blog awhile now and it's been months since you last updated! What's going on??