I am tired, and yet I'd stay up all night for him.

Thank you to the lovelies who commented on my last post. I am very grateful for your words of comfort. And yes Olivia, I need to have tea with you soon! Everything is ok now. I'm at a very good place emotionally in my relationship. It's full of love and commitment and sex. Yeah...lots of that. ;)

But yeah I've been much better the last few days. Last night Oliver told me he loved me for the first time and I won't lie, it pretty much erased all of the negative feelings I was having throughout the day. I don't want anyone to worry because I'm not in any danger and I feel like this is the only place I can let out something like this, but I've been scratching at my wrists. Sometimes they hurt really bad and sting for a few days after. I haven't broken skin but sometimes it just makes me feel better to claw at myself. I don't know what prompted my moods to be default depressed, but when I'm left alone with my thoughts for too long they take over and I can't shake this sense of despair I get. I get annoyed with people, but I need them to make me ok.

But enough about that, I'm feeling ok now. On Saturday I was an extra for the film I'm working on as Assistant Director. I got to be the "hot girl" at a party with her shirt off making out with a guy (Oliver, also shirtless). It was the first time I've ever been knowingly ogled at...and it felt good. I have a pic below. I want to go to the gym tomorrow morning and maybe finally start to get back into shape. I'm still looming around 120, but you all now I want to be smaller!

♥ Toni
P.S. -  photos from the shoot

him with his shirt off (ain't he sexy?)

us during a take making out on the right

P.P.S. THINSPO!