Youtube is amazing

Thursday has been good to me so far. I had class this morning at 10 and when I came back I had a little something to eat and came back to my room to watch True Life: I Have an Eating Disorder on Youtube. Do you know how many eating disorder-related shows users put up on that site? It's amazing. Right now I'm in the middle of Intervention: Amy P. Earlier I did a little laundry before film class section and got my first essay back. B! I'm very happy because apparently more people got Cs and below, and you need a passing grade of a B- to declare the premajor, so I'm on my way. And when I got back I had American Beauty waiting for me in my mailbox. I love Kevin Spacey and Thora Birch in anything, but this especially. If you've never seen it, go.watch.it.

Nicole: Haha you don't say. I guess we both got a little junk in our trunk. In my case my mom's Mexican, so I got a big ol' booty, but I also don't exhibit any physical traits of being Mexican except for that, so I just look like a white girl with a big butt.

Ok so despite how relatively happy I am right now I'm so not in the mood for calculating my calories. It's just a hassle. I'm pretty sure I kept it around 800 calories though. For lunch I had a very small piece of cheese pizza (really small), 1 bite of some Indian chicken thing, 3 deviled egg halves, a small cobb salad with no dressing (but only with some tomato, 2 slices of avocado, and some bacon bits; no cheese, chicken, or egg), 10ish oz of orange juice, and a cone of chocolate/strawberry frozen yogurt. That all came to about 500 calories. Dinner was half of a strip of flank steak, 8 garlic sauteed baby carrots, 2 oz of tuna, and a serving of cinnamon toast crunch cereal with 2% milk. That was probably around 350? So something around 850 calories. Yuck. I am so happy I'm going to the gym tomorrow.

Hopefully I'll be in a better eating mood tomorrow. The wonky scale in the dorm bathroom put me at anywhere from 129-132 lbs, so I'm wishing for a good weigh-in.

Oh and hello to my new follower! Welcome, I hope you enjoy your stay. =)

Until tomorrow,
♥ Toni

P.S.- My neck has been feeling really sore lately and cracking a lot. Does anyone have any tips for making it feel better?

Damn Tacos

Hi everyone, I hope you're all having a lovely Wednesday. So far my day has consisted of nothing but class and required reading, although after this post I'll be watching the rest of Invasion of the Body Snatchers (1978). It's one of the films I'm considering writing about for my film essay (which I just found out is due in two weeks, not one). You know, aliens as a representation of communism during the Cold War, the idea of conforming to society, yadda yadda yadda. Actually I think it should be a lot more fun than my last essay since it's my choice.

I've been starting to notice lately that my restriction mindset is finally starting to really kick in. I'm starting to feel my jeans get much looser, my belts are starting to notch tighter, the cellulite in my legs is getting less noticeable, and I can start to feel actual abs underneath the inch or so of fat I have in my belly. My weight is continuing to go down. Sometimes when I get up too fast I get lightheaded. I decline going to the dining hall half the time I'm asked. I'm feeling happier about my body, but I'm also verbally stating my happiness to others. Once I've lost another 5, 10, 15 pounds people will notice. I need to start flying under the radar when it comes to weight or else I'm sure someone will ask about it. I'm not sure if it was a mistake to tell Aaron I want to someday be 112 pounds as he likes my bigger body, but I think I reassured him when I said the healthy BMI range for my height is between 95 and 127 lbs, and I'm currently 5 lbs over that.

I had no time to go to the gym today, but I did do some intense stretching (if there is such a thing) for 20 minutes. At least it burned some calories - about 65. I really wanted my intake to be under 500 today, and it would have been if I hadn't eaten a damn taco and chips for dinner. Lunch was light-ish. I had 3 pieces of sushi (110 cal), a ciabatta roll (I think; it closely resembled ciabatta) (160 cal), a small salad with 1 1/2 tbsp ranch dressing (120 cal), and 3 bites of mac-n-cheese (30) for a lunch total of 420 calories. Between that and dinner I had a mint and a stick of gum (10 cal). I was planning on forgoing dinner altogether, so I have no idea why I ate. The food wasn't even that great. Well I already said I had a taco (150 cal) and a couple of tortilla chips with guacamole (60 cal), plus a few spoonfuls of veggie rice soup (25 cal) for a dinner total of 235 calories. Total for the day was 665 minus the 65 calories I burned comes to 600 calories. Hmph. Not good enough today. Well if I can I'll be going to the gym tomorrow and restricting as much as I can (but I'm definitely going to eat beforehand this time).

Alright, time for everyone's favorite part, thinspo!

I can't wait to roll my cotton shorts 3 or 4

times and my huge badonkadonk not peek out.

So much space between those thighs!

If you guessed that today's theme is girls with cute butts, then you are correct! Thin girls (if they aren't stuck with flat or square butts) almst always have a cute little bubble butt. I've always wanted one, but I've been stuck with my mom's bootylicious genes for as long as I can remember.

Wishing a wonderful evening to all,

♥ Toni

P.S. - How could I forget?! Hello to my new followers. =)

Thank you for your support and joining me on this journey, it means a lot. ^__^

t-t-t-Tuesday

I just want to say thank you all for putting up with my 2 a.m. freak out last night. Big shout out to Olivia Lee for always giving me words of encouragement. =)

Ok so in retrospect I really should have eaten before going to the gym today. I've had a headache ever since I got off the elliptical! At least I had a deficit of 710 calories to start the day. Alright so I'm not positive about this, but I think I'm starting to get that extra-sensory perception about other girls... Today while I was eating lunch with Aaron I saw this beautiful, thin girl come and sit down by herself and eat. All she had was a banana (which I didn't see her touch) and a small salad, which took her 15 minutes to eat. She ate very slowly and chewed a lot. What do you guys think?

So with my awesome 710 calorie burn today I got on the scale to see 132.5. Down a pound and a half. Woot! Lunch was ok. Lots of carbs. I had a small plate of spaghetti with red sauce (80 cal), a few bites of cheese ravioli (45 cal), 1/6 of a cheese quesadilla (they cut it up into little triangles, 100 cal), a smallish salad with veggies and 1 1/2 tbsp of ranch (150 cal), and a few bites of eggplant and a couple sips of Aaron's Shirley Temple (60 cal) for a lunch total of 435 calories. I wasn't planning on eating anything else but by the time dinner rolled around I gave in. I ended up with a fried fish fillet (130 cal), 5 tortilla chips with guacamole (85 cal), a small piece of apple strudel (70), and when I got back to my dorm Jenna gave me a Samoa (70 cal) for a dinner total of 355 calories. Add in the workout and you get 80 calories. What a relief.

I'm sorry to say I'm going to have to leave it at that. No thinspo today. =(
I have lots of reading to do for film class, plus I've yet to pick out a movie for my upcoming essay (due next Thursday!), so Netflix here I come.

Goodnight angels.
♥ Toni

Hayden and Frieda

Hello lovelies! So much like the rest of the weekend, today wasn't overtly interesting. I finally had to pack all my things from Aaron's dorm and go back to my own as I had a film crew shoot today at 5. It wasn't anything flashy, just the director and cinematographer plotting shots and such. Afterwards I watched the Amanda Knox LMN movie. It stars Hayden Panettiere. I loooove her because she's only an inch taller than me at 5'1." She's got a pretty petite frame, probably around 115 lbs, although it seems that she has a lot more muscle than fat. Not exactly where I want to be since I've never really liked athletic builds on super short girls (especially on myself), but she's still a lot smaller than I am (a size 4!).

Athletic Hayden:

Intake wasn't too bad today. I really only had one full meal today (which I had with Aaron and a few of his friends). I had a serving of frosted flakes with 2 oz of reduced fat milk (140 cal), a small banana nut muffin with a tiny amount of butter (180 cal), and 8 oz of chocolate milk with reduced fat milk (140 cal) for a breakfast total of 480 calories. For a snack I had a 140 cal trail mix bar, and after I got home from the film shoot I had a whole can of chicken broth. The entire thing was only 20 calories! Then for desert I had a 40 cal lollipop and a piece of chocolate (35 cal). Total for the day: 695 calories. I thought I would have had less, but it's not terrible for not going to the gym, plus I weighed myself before taking a shower this afternoon (so after I already ingested the almost 500 calorie breakfast) and it came up to be 131 lbs. I'm not counting it as a weigh in because this scale is really only an estimate with an error of 1-2 lbs of where I'm really at, but I was happy to see that number. We'll just have to see if tomorrow's gym time will actually get me to 131. Crossing my fingers!

In other news I'm now currently obsessed with Frieda Rose. I've been noticing for a while that I've had a few pictures of the same girl in my thinspo folder, and I just recently learned who she is. Apparently she's an Australian model who has literally hundreds of pictures of herself on the internet, so I got a ton of new thinspo for myself and all of you (her ModelMayhem profile says she's 5'9" and 95 lbs!). I hope you enjoy Frieda Rose day. =)

She's got such small arms, even when

they're pressed up against her side:

 I absolutely adore this photo:

So the first three were the originals in my folder, and the rest are ones I got after searching google and blogs and websites. Frieda Rose (to me) totally emanates being pretty, stylish, and thin. She seems happy in all of her pictures and is one of the most naturally beautiful girls I've ever seen and she needs almost no makeup to flaunt that gorgeous face. Ah, I'm rambling. I'll just say that she will probably be appearing in a lot of my thinspo in the future. =)

Well I'm off to bed, goodnight girlies.

 ♥ Toni