Monday, June 13, 2011

Where has my will power gone?

Man, I don't understand how some girls can lose 3-4 lbs per week. I'm lucky if I lose 1 lb a week and 5 lbs in a month, but I guess I'm getting to the point where I'm small enough that I don't lose weight as quickly as I used to. Needless to say I've been fucking up the SGD. I feel like at this point I'm just eating what I want and not caring that I'm even on the SGD. I couldn't even stay in the limits for Saturday and Sunday. Actually, I don't even know how much I ate Sunday. That was the day I came home from college, so today was my first full day back home for the summer. But anyway yesterday I had half of a pepperoni calzone, a raspberry lemonade, a scoop of raspberry cheesecake ice cream, and a pork springroll. Only 4 things with calories and I'm sure it totaled over 1000. least this time last week I was a solid 125 lbs and today I fluctuated between 122.5 and 123.5. I count that as good.

Food-wise, today was slightly better. I worked up a sweat unpacking in this heat and I went for a little run before dinner. So that's gotta count for something. I tried not to eat too much before dinner. I find that when I'm home it's fairly easy for me to eat little throughout the day until dinner, and then I only eat a moderate portion of food. It usually has pretty good results and I lose weight. So today I had coffee with sugar and creamer (totally not my usual fat free milk and Equal; 55 cal), a home made cookie (90 cal), 6 Triscuits (120 cal), and 15 strawberries (25 cal). The strawberries are from my parent's farm and I haven't had them in so long. They tasted heavenly and will probably be one of my major safe foods all summer. I especially like to eat them when I'm picking them for the markets we do. So anyway around came dinner. Grilled everything. 2.5 oz grilled chicken (105 cal), grilled lettuce (20 cal), 3 pieces of grilled sourdough baguette (140 cal), and miscellaneous bites of food throughout the day (140 cal). Plus I walked/ran 2.1 mi around my neighborhood. 5 minutes of that was walking (-22 cal) and 18 minutes of that was running at 6 mi/hr (-168 cal), so a total of 190 calories burned. This would put me at exactly 450 calories, but then I had a home made strawberry milkshake. I want to say that's 230 calories. So my total intake for the day was 870 and my net intake was 680 calories. Blah. I really need to start controlling this food thing.

Fat chance. I went grocery shopping with my mom today and we bought bagels, cream cheese, rootbeer and Shasta Tiki Punch soda, Choco Tacos, and Klondike Bars. Good news: I had her get nonfat milk (for my coffee, whoop!), reduced fat cream cheese, celery, skinny cow spreadable swiss, and turkey. There was some other stuff too but I most likely won't eat a lot of it.

Tomorrow's plan of attack: waking up around 7:30 to take an hour long walk/run, come back and shower, pick up Jenna around 10 to go shopping (for new bras, running shoes, and dance attire for my summer classes), then go to class and come home. Hopefully food won't be in there much.

And another very good thing happened last night/today. Ok, so there's something you have to know about my parents and Aaron, neither really likes the other, especially my dad and Aaron. My mom is eh about it but my dad really doesn't like him. It's not like he's a jerk or anything, he just says the wrong thing...a lot. But last night my dad said that because I'm growing up (just turned 19) and just spent a year away from home doing my own thing that he's going to be more lenient about Aaron, especially because we're not living in the same town this summer. We both grew up in out hometown but Aaron's dad had to move about 40 minutes away so we won't be spending as much time together, but my dad said it was ok if I spent the day/night over there sometimes. I was floored. I thought I'd have to convince him for weeks to let me go visit him, but there he was telling me I could right off the bat. And today I asked if I could go Wednesday night and stay until Thursday evening and he said yes! I'm so excited! And Aaron lives in a big city too, the state's capital if that gives you any clues. So I think we might go clubbing with a friends from college who also lives there. I've never gone but I have the perfect LBD that I actually look good in now.

Damn ok so this post is already long, but I have to respond to comments.
Elbar7a: I can definitely see why you've never had Coldstone. If you did you'd probably never want to leave (like me). It takes me at least a good 10 minutes to decide what I want because everything looks good (and subsequently full of calories).
Amber: Yes, Olivia Lee and I are going to the same college next year but she'll be a year ahead of me. Haha I'm glad you remember. And yeah I have the feeling most of us would get along quite well if we all met in person. In fact it wold be awesome to meet you in person. You're one of my favorites.
Olivia Lee: Ditto. The rest of my weekend was full of packing and driving and hot weather. You were definitely one of the best parts of the weekend.

Ok, that was a lot of stuff. I congratulate you if you made it through to this part. So I have some much overdue thinspo:

No real theme, just stuff I like and what I thought you lovelies would like.

Here's to a better tomorrow,
♥ Toni

P.S.-Welcome Kate and JT! Thank you for signing in and following this journey of mine. =D


  1. gorgeous thinspo. and im glad your dad is letting you see aaron. thats nice of him. (: good luck with eating healthier and your plan for tomorrow. <3 stay lovely.

  2. Just saying hello from a new follower my parents also own a farm the freshness of it is so nice isnt it? ah! :)

  3. I want number 4's! :) 680 is not bad at all from my perspective, and you had a shit-ton of negative calorie days recently if I remember correctly, so I think you're doing great!

  4. I too have been screwing up the SGD a bit- with the going over the calorie limits and not really caring about what I'm eating. But you can definitely get back on track! It's still early enough in the SGD to fix your mistakes and make it really count! I wish I could lose 4 lbs a week- dang! 680 calories is a pretty good intake! Back when I started losing a lot of weight at first- I would not eat until dinner. I like that idea as well and I find that works out- so I hope it starts working out for you too!

    That's really cool about your dad letting you spend the night at your BF's place! I guess he's starting to realize his "little girl" is growing up! Oh, and thank your for the comment response! I would like to me you & a few other bloggers as well! Sucks that we all live so far apart from each other because we could all meet up one day!

  5. you know, those big weight loss numbers usually aren't consistent, and definitely not once you get past an officially overweight BMI. Slow and steady, it's frustrating but it will be worth the fight!

    I'm glad your parents are being lenient, that means they're actually respecting the fact that you're an adult and don't truly need their permission to do much anymore. It took my folks until I was 21 to understand that,and they only really got it after I refused to live with them for three summers in a row. They realized that I can make it on my own, and if they really want me to stay with them, then they have to treat me like what I am- an adult. So hopefully your parents are being a bit quicker on the uptake ;).

  6. Love your blog :)

  7. My body doesn't drop weight like others, so frustrating sometimes!!

    Lately I have had zero self control and past few days I have not been so good.

    It's great you parents are gonna be more lenient , that means they trust your judgment which is great :)

  8. i know exactly what you mean by where is the will power? i literally have none anymore.. idk how to get that back. i'm hoping to god that this summer will make it easier to eat less. at school i always seem to eat more. good luck! *staystrong

  9. Congrats on getting to see aaron! That's amazing!! Btw strawberry farm? That's awesome! I hope you don't down about the sgd I think you'll be fine! :)