Imagine my surprise to find out that Aaron has somewhat moved on already. I.e. he had sex with someone. Never mind that it was rebound. She likes him. He likes her underneath the fact that he still loves me. She's thin. And taller than me. Hm.
All I've had to eat today was a tangelo and a cup of green tea. I want to be thinner. Thinner than the girl Oliver had sex with. Thinner than the girl Aaron is currently having sex with. I weighed in at 121 lbs this morning. Down by 3 lbs since the last time I weighed myself. I'd like to be 118 by the time I go back to school. That shouldn't be too hard. I mean I lost the 3 lbs without even working out. It's been all restriction.
I appreciate the comments I got on my last few posts. It helped. I was freaking out for a while. I'm still not quite past the stuff I was worrying about, but it's better I suppose.
I'll post later with my net intake, maybe even thinspo.
-Toni
Friday, December 9, 2011
Monday, December 5, 2011
I went to the dining hall only for tea.
focaccia pizza, half slice
slice of pumpkin bread
chinese chicken salad, small plate
ciabatta roll
green tea
I want to throw up but I'm not getting out of bed. Not studying for my final tomorrow. Listening to Melancholia's soundtrack, Tristan and Isolde Prelude. Felt guilty about eating for the first time since June. I'm making myself gag to try to feel better.
slice of pumpkin bread
chinese chicken salad, small plate
ciabatta roll
green tea
I want to throw up but I'm not getting out of bed. Not studying for my final tomorrow. Listening to Melancholia's soundtrack, Tristan and Isolde Prelude. Felt guilty about eating for the first time since June. I'm making myself gag to try to feel better.
Sunday, December 4, 2011
Screw It.
I might as well finish the 30 Day Challenge I dragged out into a whole summer.
Day Thirteen- Are you losing weight in a healthy or unhealthy way?
I suppose I'll be going about it the unhealthy way now.
Day fourteen- What’s your UGW? When you expect to reach it?
112 lbs. I want to reach it by the end of next quarter, which is some time in March.
Day Fifteen- Are you vegan or vegetarian? If so, has this helped you lose weight? If not, would you ever consider turning vegan or vegetarian?
No. I like meat and dairy too much. I tried and failed miraculously some time last year and decided after a week that it wasn't for me.
Day Sixteen- When did you first decide to lose weight?
Well I started this weight loss blog last December, but for the past 6 months I haven't been keeping up with my weight loss regimen, so I'm starting again now, today.
Day Seventeen- Do you have an eating disorder?
I consider myself ED/NOS at times. As of this very moment, no, I do not have an eating disorder, but once you go through a period of your life where you have disordered eating it's very hard not to carry that with you the rest of your life. At various times it'll just pop back up unexpectedly and there's really no telling when it could happen.
Day Eighteen- What food is your weakness?
Bread. No doubt about it. Bagels, potato bread, rolls, buns, ciabatta, baguettes, whatever you can think of really.
Day Nineteen- When is the last time you ate fast food?
Maybe a week ago? And it was Taco Bell.
Day Twenty- Favorite diet?
I rather enjoy the Skinny Girl Diet, but in general I like to keep my net calories under 800 every day.
Day Twenty-One- What are your clothing sizes?
I wear a small or medium shirt, dress, and skirt, depending on the brand, and anywhere from a size 4-8 in pants.
Day Twenty-Two- What was your lowest weight? How and why did you gain?
The summer before my freshman year I had my first brief flirtation with ED/NOS. I got down to 118 lbs. I gained because I got lazy I guess. I made my high school's dance/drill team and that consumed a lot of time.
Day Twenty-Three- Did the media play a role in your wanting to lose weight?
Not this time, no. Sure, thinspo helps, but I want to be the size I said I was going to get down to.
Day Twenty-Four- How do you feel about the terms pro-ana/pro-mia?
I'm ok with them. I'm well-aware that what I do is more of a lifestyle choice than an actual real-life disorder, but I'm sure it's a mix of both. I don't actively call what I post pro-ana or pro-mia, but I can see the appeal of that kind of branding.
Day Twenty-Five- Have you ever purged? If you have describe your first experience.
Yes. I'm not sure if this contradicts an earlier post of mine, because if very well might, but I believe my first successful purging took place last year. It was ice cream. It was still cold when it came up and didn't taste very different than it did going down. Since then the only other times I've successfully purged have been with ice cream.
Day Twenty-Six- What excites you most about reaching your ugw?
To be honest, I don't know. I want the cellulite to go away. I want to know that I can contort myself into any pose and not one part of me will look fat. I want a flat stomach and thighs that don't touch. I want my boobs to be small enough so that I don't have to wear a bra if I don't want to. And if I'm being honest, I want to be thinner than the girl Oliver had sex with. Is that stupid and vain? I think it is, but I still want it. I want to be able to know I can keep myself in check, that I can change something and that it's entirely in my hands to do so.
Day Twenty-Seven- How do you deal with being around food?
Well, we'll have to see, won't we?
Day Twenty-Eight- Do you want that “gap” between your legs? Why?
Yes. Because it'll mean that I'm thin.
Day Twenty-Nine- Your definition of beauty.
I'm still trying to figure that one out. Rose Byrne is a good example, though.
Day Thirty- 10 facts about you! And now, what are your stats?
I'll save this for tomorrow.
-Toni
Day Thirteen- Are you losing weight in a healthy or unhealthy way?
I suppose I'll be going about it the unhealthy way now.
Day fourteen- What’s your UGW? When you expect to reach it?
112 lbs. I want to reach it by the end of next quarter, which is some time in March.
Day Fifteen- Are you vegan or vegetarian? If so, has this helped you lose weight? If not, would you ever consider turning vegan or vegetarian?
No. I like meat and dairy too much. I tried and failed miraculously some time last year and decided after a week that it wasn't for me.
Day Sixteen- When did you first decide to lose weight?
Well I started this weight loss blog last December, but for the past 6 months I haven't been keeping up with my weight loss regimen, so I'm starting again now, today.
Day Seventeen- Do you have an eating disorder?
I consider myself ED/NOS at times. As of this very moment, no, I do not have an eating disorder, but once you go through a period of your life where you have disordered eating it's very hard not to carry that with you the rest of your life. At various times it'll just pop back up unexpectedly and there's really no telling when it could happen.
Day Eighteen- What food is your weakness?
Bread. No doubt about it. Bagels, potato bread, rolls, buns, ciabatta, baguettes, whatever you can think of really.
Day Nineteen- When is the last time you ate fast food?
Maybe a week ago? And it was Taco Bell.
Day Twenty- Favorite diet?
I rather enjoy the Skinny Girl Diet, but in general I like to keep my net calories under 800 every day.
Day Twenty-One- What are your clothing sizes?
I wear a small or medium shirt, dress, and skirt, depending on the brand, and anywhere from a size 4-8 in pants.
Day Twenty-Two- What was your lowest weight? How and why did you gain?
The summer before my freshman year I had my first brief flirtation with ED/NOS. I got down to 118 lbs. I gained because I got lazy I guess. I made my high school's dance/drill team and that consumed a lot of time.
Day Twenty-Three- Did the media play a role in your wanting to lose weight?
Not this time, no. Sure, thinspo helps, but I want to be the size I said I was going to get down to.
Day Twenty-Four- How do you feel about the terms pro-ana/pro-mia?
I'm ok with them. I'm well-aware that what I do is more of a lifestyle choice than an actual real-life disorder, but I'm sure it's a mix of both. I don't actively call what I post pro-ana or pro-mia, but I can see the appeal of that kind of branding.
Day Twenty-Five- Have you ever purged? If you have describe your first experience.
Yes. I'm not sure if this contradicts an earlier post of mine, because if very well might, but I believe my first successful purging took place last year. It was ice cream. It was still cold when it came up and didn't taste very different than it did going down. Since then the only other times I've successfully purged have been with ice cream.
Day Twenty-Six- What excites you most about reaching your ugw?
To be honest, I don't know. I want the cellulite to go away. I want to know that I can contort myself into any pose and not one part of me will look fat. I want a flat stomach and thighs that don't touch. I want my boobs to be small enough so that I don't have to wear a bra if I don't want to. And if I'm being honest, I want to be thinner than the girl Oliver had sex with. Is that stupid and vain? I think it is, but I still want it. I want to be able to know I can keep myself in check, that I can change something and that it's entirely in my hands to do so.
Day Twenty-Seven- How do you deal with being around food?
Well, we'll have to see, won't we?
Day Twenty-Eight- Do you want that “gap” between your legs? Why?
Yes. Because it'll mean that I'm thin.
Day Twenty-Nine- Your definition of beauty.
I'm still trying to figure that one out. Rose Byrne is a good example, though.
Day Thirty- 10 facts about you! And now, what are your stats?
I'll save this for tomorrow.
-Toni
Here we fucking go again.
I feel sick.
I feel ashamed.
I feel insecure.
I feel fat (again).
I feel digusted.
I feel depressed.
I feel out of control.
...and most of that isn't even about food.
I'm seeing someone else.
Bear with me. This post has mostly nothing to do with the foreboding ED I know I'm going to fall back into.
I've been gone a long time, and while I'm sorting through everyone else's posts (at least those of the girls who didn't decide to leave), I need to play catch up.
Aaron and I broke up, and by that I mean I broke up with him. Most of it was because I just kind of fell out of love with him. I needed a change. I needed something new and fresh because we weren't working. But no matter how much I try to deny it, I know I ended it because of someone else. His name is Oliver.
And even though I'm sure there won't be a ton of people reading this due to my prolonged absence, I need to get everything out there.
First off, when I'm in a relationship, my attraction to other people goes down to zero. It's just not an option for me, so imagine my surprise when this handsome 20-year-old walked into my life and BAM, I ended a two and a half year relationship for him. It didn't start out that way. We were friendly, we hung out in groups, sometimes drinking, other times watching Firefly (such a fucking awesome show, by the way). We talked. For hours. We have so much in common. He's hot. He thinks I'm beautiful, despite my doubts. He loves my body. I want to be thinner, but I'll get to that. I stopped hanging out with Aaron. The last time we had sex it felt wrong. That was a month ago. I broke up with him on the 11th of November. I started dating Oliver on the 17th.
He was a virgin when I met him. That was Halloween. A week and a half later he wasn't, and a week after that we were together. And no, as I'm sure you're thinking it wasn't me who popped his cherry. It makes me depressed thinking about it. I feel like a stupid, immature child. He's an adult, he can do as he pleases with whomever he wants, I just wish it hadn't been just before we got together is all. On top of that, who just fucking takes someone's virginity like that? What the fuck? She didn't even like him. She just thought he was hot. And believe me, she's been places. I mean, I'm all for having as much sex as you want and what not, but it may be the romantic in me that thinks your first time should be somewhat more than a random hookup with someone you don't know very well. I just, I know I'm being stupid about it. He's with me, and that's that but still. The whole thing leaves a very bitter taste in my mouth.
And I don't mean to paint him in a bad light. He's pretty much everything I could have asked for in one guy. Gorgeous, smart, hard working, caring, funny, geeky, a good listener, driven, knows what he wants out of life. He tucks my hair behind my ears and kisses my back and tells me I'm gorgeous. We even have the same major and will be taking all of the same courses next quarter. But that one little thing just bugs the shit out of me. Am I being stupid for that? I'm dwelling on it too much, but does that make what I feel any less valid?
I took things too fast I think. On the 20th we had sex for the first time, three days after we were "official" or whatever you want to call it. Not that there's anything wrong with that necessarily. Even though we've only known each other a month we both feel as if it's been a lot longer than that. Time works in mysterious ways where I live.
I told him I love him today. He said he'll get there and he's thought about saying it in the moment. I didn't want to say it. I couldn't stop myself. I knew he wasn't going to say it back. I was prepared. But then again I suppose I wasn't if I'm writing about it now. I fall too fast for people, people who can hurt me.
Winter break is coming up. Aaron wants to win me back, I know it. I'll always care about him, but I love him in a different way now. I want him to be my friend. He's planning all this stuff we're going to do over break. I think he just wants to see me. I'm planning on meeting Oliver's parents in his home town. He's coming to mine to meet my family as well.
I'm out of my league. With Aaron it was easy. I was in control. He's a mess without me. I feel horrible that I put a human being through that. With Oliver it's different. We're equals. I have no idea what's going to happen. It makes me want to stop eating, to be perfect. He says my body is amazing.
I want to go back to the way I was. Eating less than 1000 calories a day, burning most of those off, drinking only water and tea and coffee. Weighing myself every day. Almost fainting.
I'm stuck at 124. That's not so bad. I want 112. I want my drive back. I want to be hungry when I go to sleep.
Everything has been going so well, and yet here I am. Back to start again where I was a year ago. This time though, I'm smaller. The reasons have changed. I'm ready to get down to what I said I was going to achieve. Here we fucking go again.
I feel ashamed.
I feel insecure.
I feel fat (again).
I feel digusted.
I feel depressed.
I feel out of control.
...and most of that isn't even about food.
I'm seeing someone else.
Bear with me. This post has mostly nothing to do with the foreboding ED I know I'm going to fall back into.
I've been gone a long time, and while I'm sorting through everyone else's posts (at least those of the girls who didn't decide to leave), I need to play catch up.
Aaron and I broke up, and by that I mean I broke up with him. Most of it was because I just kind of fell out of love with him. I needed a change. I needed something new and fresh because we weren't working. But no matter how much I try to deny it, I know I ended it because of someone else. His name is Oliver.
And even though I'm sure there won't be a ton of people reading this due to my prolonged absence, I need to get everything out there.
First off, when I'm in a relationship, my attraction to other people goes down to zero. It's just not an option for me, so imagine my surprise when this handsome 20-year-old walked into my life and BAM, I ended a two and a half year relationship for him. It didn't start out that way. We were friendly, we hung out in groups, sometimes drinking, other times watching Firefly (such a fucking awesome show, by the way). We talked. For hours. We have so much in common. He's hot. He thinks I'm beautiful, despite my doubts. He loves my body. I want to be thinner, but I'll get to that. I stopped hanging out with Aaron. The last time we had sex it felt wrong. That was a month ago. I broke up with him on the 11th of November. I started dating Oliver on the 17th.
He was a virgin when I met him. That was Halloween. A week and a half later he wasn't, and a week after that we were together. And no, as I'm sure you're thinking it wasn't me who popped his cherry. It makes me depressed thinking about it. I feel like a stupid, immature child. He's an adult, he can do as he pleases with whomever he wants, I just wish it hadn't been just before we got together is all. On top of that, who just fucking takes someone's virginity like that? What the fuck? She didn't even like him. She just thought he was hot. And believe me, she's been places. I mean, I'm all for having as much sex as you want and what not, but it may be the romantic in me that thinks your first time should be somewhat more than a random hookup with someone you don't know very well. I just, I know I'm being stupid about it. He's with me, and that's that but still. The whole thing leaves a very bitter taste in my mouth.
And I don't mean to paint him in a bad light. He's pretty much everything I could have asked for in one guy. Gorgeous, smart, hard working, caring, funny, geeky, a good listener, driven, knows what he wants out of life. He tucks my hair behind my ears and kisses my back and tells me I'm gorgeous. We even have the same major and will be taking all of the same courses next quarter. But that one little thing just bugs the shit out of me. Am I being stupid for that? I'm dwelling on it too much, but does that make what I feel any less valid?
I took things too fast I think. On the 20th we had sex for the first time, three days after we were "official" or whatever you want to call it. Not that there's anything wrong with that necessarily. Even though we've only known each other a month we both feel as if it's been a lot longer than that. Time works in mysterious ways where I live.
I told him I love him today. He said he'll get there and he's thought about saying it in the moment. I didn't want to say it. I couldn't stop myself. I knew he wasn't going to say it back. I was prepared. But then again I suppose I wasn't if I'm writing about it now. I fall too fast for people, people who can hurt me.
Winter break is coming up. Aaron wants to win me back, I know it. I'll always care about him, but I love him in a different way now. I want him to be my friend. He's planning all this stuff we're going to do over break. I think he just wants to see me. I'm planning on meeting Oliver's parents in his home town. He's coming to mine to meet my family as well.
I'm out of my league. With Aaron it was easy. I was in control. He's a mess without me. I feel horrible that I put a human being through that. With Oliver it's different. We're equals. I have no idea what's going to happen. It makes me want to stop eating, to be perfect. He says my body is amazing.
I want to go back to the way I was. Eating less than 1000 calories a day, burning most of those off, drinking only water and tea and coffee. Weighing myself every day. Almost fainting.
I'm stuck at 124. That's not so bad. I want 112. I want my drive back. I want to be hungry when I go to sleep.
Everything has been going so well, and yet here I am. Back to start again where I was a year ago. This time though, I'm smaller. The reasons have changed. I'm ready to get down to what I said I was going to achieve. Here we fucking go again.
Friday, December 2, 2011
Three Months
I've been gone three months. Holy shit. Tons has changed. And I see a lot has changed for you beauties as well. My mission over winter break: catch up on it all. I have to tell you what's been going on. And I'm actually surprised I have anything over zero followers right now. I feel terrible for posting absolutely nothing my first quarter back at college, but I'll try my best to make up for it.
Love, love, love,
Toni
Love, love, love,
Toni
Tuesday, September 13, 2011
Day 12
30 Day Challenge
Day 12- What do you normally eat?
Well this is probably going to change once I get back to school but I really just eat whatever I want when I want, but I control the portion and the time in between meals. I think that has a lot to do with why I've maintained all through summer instead of gaining. During school I eat a lot of salad, yogurt, meat, water, coffee, and soup. And bread. I can't get enough of bread, especially rolls. I I'm having a good day I'll completely fuck it up over bread rolls. I expect I'll have a wider range of food now that me and my suite mates will be cooking for ourselves, but I'll be able to limit my intake and play around with food portions.
Day 12- What do you normally eat?
Well this is probably going to change once I get back to school but I really just eat whatever I want when I want, but I control the portion and the time in between meals. I think that has a lot to do with why I've maintained all through summer instead of gaining. During school I eat a lot of salad, yogurt, meat, water, coffee, and soup. And bread. I can't get enough of bread, especially rolls. I I'm having a good day I'll completely fuck it up over bread rolls. I expect I'll have a wider range of food now that me and my suite mates will be cooking for ourselves, but I'll be able to limit my intake and play around with food portions.
This isn't meant to be offensive.
This is not a food post. Just a thought post.
I'm a Christian. Not a super-devoted-attend-church-every-Sunday Christian but I believe in God and Heaven and prayer. And it just now dawned on me that I'm offended by atheists who celebrate Christmas. You can argue that it's commercialized and was originally a Pagan holiday or what have you but everyone knows why a vast majority of people celebrate Christmas in a country that was founded by Christians.
That's all. I'm not trying to bash anyone's views, just realizing my own.
I'm a Christian. Not a super-devoted-attend-church-every-Sunday Christian but I believe in God and Heaven and prayer. And it just now dawned on me that I'm offended by atheists who celebrate Christmas. You can argue that it's commercialized and was originally a Pagan holiday or what have you but everyone knows why a vast majority of people celebrate Christmas in a country that was founded by Christians.
That's all. I'm not trying to bash anyone's views, just realizing my own.
Sunday, September 11, 2011
I'm still here.
So I've lost two followers in the time I've been gone. I'm not dead! Just waiting for something interesting to post. I've been reading everything though. Once I get back to school (leaving this Saturday!) I'll have my gym back and complete control over my diet. I'm determined to lose 10 lbs before university dance tryouts. That would put me at about 113-115, only a few lbs away from my UGW. But I probably won't be posting much until I start losing that weight because I'm in pack mode right now. I need to figure out how to fit my enormous amount of stuff into the least amount of boxes as possible. haha
I'm so excited!!!
P.S. - If anyone has a Pottermore account, tell me your name and add me as a friend. I'm ElmPixie52. =)
Slytherin and proud!
I'm so excited!!!
P.S. - If anyone has a Pottermore account, tell me your name and add me as a friend. I'm ElmPixie52. =)
Slytherin and proud!
Wednesday, August 24, 2011
Feeling kind of failure right now.
I'm watching Dance Moms right now and I wish I could have been dancing from the age of 6. Then maybe I wouldn't be at the same stage now that 12-year-olds who have been dancing since they could walk are at.
Day eleven- Your favorite thinspo blog and why?
I don't have a favorite. I get most of my thinspo from other girls' blogs, and it really just depends on the group of photos someone uploads in a particular post. Sometimes I'll venture onto various sites, none of which I can remember the name of right now, but it's been a while since I've sat down and spent time looking for thinspo.
♥ Toni
P.S. - I'm going to apply to get promoted at work. Basically I'd be a supervisor, but we call them chiefs-of-staff. I kind of hope I get it because I've heard rumors my boss may promote people who just got hired a few months ago. Wish me luck?
Day eleven- Your favorite thinspo blog and why?
I don't have a favorite. I get most of my thinspo from other girls' blogs, and it really just depends on the group of photos someone uploads in a particular post. Sometimes I'll venture onto various sites, none of which I can remember the name of right now, but it's been a while since I've sat down and spent time looking for thinspo.
♥ Toni
P.S. - I'm going to apply to get promoted at work. Basically I'd be a supervisor, but we call them chiefs-of-staff. I kind of hope I get it because I've heard rumors my boss may promote people who just got hired a few months ago. Wish me luck?
Tuesday, August 23, 2011
It's been a long summer.
Yeah so I know I suck. I'm sure it's not a surprise to a lot of you that I've been on kind of a hiatus for pretty much all of summer. My weight has been the same. I'm so ready to head back to school and go to the gym. I miss it. And I feel horrible for not even keeping up with everyone else, but by the looks of it half of the blogs I follow haven't been posting recently either or have deleted their blogs altogether. The girls who have been writing have been doing so well. And I've just read the 50+ posts I've missed. Reading everyone's successes has lead me to have only a cup of coffee and a cookie so far today. I'm in the 122-124 range and it doesn't seem to be moving with how little I've been exercising.
And in my real life I feel so bored and uninspired. My only solace is in film. I dream of one day creating stories on the screen and making a fantasy for myself. In the past few weeks I've seen 30 Minutes or Less, The Help, The Kids are All Right, Hangover 2, Misery, Glee the Movie, and tons of others that I can't remember right now. I feel like writing something, like writing a script. I want to create stories that explore what I wish my life could be like. I've been having dreams about being with other people, other guys. I'm still with Aaron but this summer has been hard on our relationship. He's always saying that I'm not attracted to him but he does nothing about it. He doesn't go running or anything. He literally sits at home complaining that he's fat. And for some reason when I go to sleep all I dream about is other guys. Guys I've never met, guys who aren't Aaron. But I don't want to fill this post up with depressing topics. Onto the 30 Day challenge.
I'll just start where I left off:
Day 10 - What was the hardest thing you gave up during this "weight loss"?
Well I'm not doing so hot right now but when I was deepest into my dieting back in April and May I'd say just food in general was the hardest thing to give up. Just the freedom to eat whatever was not an option, and if I did let myself go overboard I felt horrible about myself. And in a month that's what I'll be faced with again because I do not want to stay this weight forever. I do want to lose another 10 or 15 lbs. I want to look good in anything. I don't want to look a shred of what I did at my heaviest. I want to be hot and turn heads. I want people to say I look even smaller than I look now.
And in my real life I feel so bored and uninspired. My only solace is in film. I dream of one day creating stories on the screen and making a fantasy for myself. In the past few weeks I've seen 30 Minutes or Less, The Help, The Kids are All Right, Hangover 2, Misery, Glee the Movie, and tons of others that I can't remember right now. I feel like writing something, like writing a script. I want to create stories that explore what I wish my life could be like. I've been having dreams about being with other people, other guys. I'm still with Aaron but this summer has been hard on our relationship. He's always saying that I'm not attracted to him but he does nothing about it. He doesn't go running or anything. He literally sits at home complaining that he's fat. And for some reason when I go to sleep all I dream about is other guys. Guys I've never met, guys who aren't Aaron. But I don't want to fill this post up with depressing topics. Onto the 30 Day challenge.
I'll just start where I left off:
Day 10 - What was the hardest thing you gave up during this "weight loss"?
Well I'm not doing so hot right now but when I was deepest into my dieting back in April and May I'd say just food in general was the hardest thing to give up. Just the freedom to eat whatever was not an option, and if I did let myself go overboard I felt horrible about myself. And in a month that's what I'll be faced with again because I do not want to stay this weight forever. I do want to lose another 10 or 15 lbs. I want to look good in anything. I don't want to look a shred of what I did at my heaviest. I want to be hot and turn heads. I want people to say I look even smaller than I look now.
I want to be this:
At this point it seems like a body even close to any of those girls is a million years away. I am determined to get down to at least 112 lbs by the end of this year. I'm hitting the gym hard when I go back to school. And I'm dragging Aaron along with me.
I'm glad you girls put up with me. I don't deserve it.
Toni
Tuesday, August 9, 2011
I went on a jog today. With tennis shoes and everything.
Bella, I didn't do this last post but I want to thank you for joining at a time when I feel so disconnected to everyone on Blogger. Thank you for your support.
30 Day Challenge
Day nine - Did people ever make comments about your weight in a negative way?
Yes. I remember a few isolated events. Like the time I was 12 and was at youth group and I jumped from the stage to a wooden platform on the ground and the boy I liked at the time said "I'm surprised you didn't break that." And yes, it was purposely meant as a jab to my weight. I've been called an obese circus midget by my own boyfriend's mother. Not to my face but I saw the e-mail she sent him. When I was a pre-teen my parents made a few comments here and there when I ate a few too many sweets. And I'm sure a few douche bag guys called me fat behind my back in high school. Since I've lost weight though I've had guys say I'm hot and I've been honked at while jogging down the street. It's a different kind of attention, and while either way I see it as demeaning towards women I guess I'd rather have the obnoxious guys honking at me. It beats crying over people calling me fat.
So I actually went on one of those aforementioned jogs today in what seems like forever. It's been something like a month since I've even put on my tennis shoes. It was only a 20 minute jog but I felt good afterwards. And I only got honked at once. I really want to lose some weight before school starts again, even if it's only 5 lbs. And I know if I work at it I can definitely lose 5 lbs in a month.
Hopefully I'll have some time tomorrow to read everyone's blogs. I hate not knowing what's been going on in everyone else's lives, but that's my fault. =/
Have a great night girlies,
♥ Toni
30 Day Challenge
Day nine - Did people ever make comments about your weight in a negative way?
Yes. I remember a few isolated events. Like the time I was 12 and was at youth group and I jumped from the stage to a wooden platform on the ground and the boy I liked at the time said "I'm surprised you didn't break that." And yes, it was purposely meant as a jab to my weight. I've been called an obese circus midget by my own boyfriend's mother. Not to my face but I saw the e-mail she sent him. When I was a pre-teen my parents made a few comments here and there when I ate a few too many sweets. And I'm sure a few douche bag guys called me fat behind my back in high school. Since I've lost weight though I've had guys say I'm hot and I've been honked at while jogging down the street. It's a different kind of attention, and while either way I see it as demeaning towards women I guess I'd rather have the obnoxious guys honking at me. It beats crying over people calling me fat.
So I actually went on one of those aforementioned jogs today in what seems like forever. It's been something like a month since I've even put on my tennis shoes. It was only a 20 minute jog but I felt good afterwards. And I only got honked at once. I really want to lose some weight before school starts again, even if it's only 5 lbs. And I know if I work at it I can definitely lose 5 lbs in a month.
Hopefully I'll have some time tomorrow to read everyone's blogs. I hate not knowing what's been going on in everyone else's lives, but that's my fault. =/
Have a great night girlies,
♥ Toni
Monday, August 8, 2011
A week of absence.
So I guess having the 30 Day Challenge to answer to didn't really change the fact that I only visit Blogger once a week. I'm looking forward to reading every one else's posts...but I'm not looking forward to how much time it's going to take. lol But really I need to get crackalacking on keeping up with everyone. I feel bad that I'm not contributing as much. =(
Day Three (August 3rd)- A picture of your thinspiration. What features do you like about this person?
I have literally hundreds of thinspo pictures, some of which I haven't looked at in weeks, which makes it pretty much impossible to pick just one picture that sums up the body I want, but this one does it pretty well:
Day Four (August 4th)- Your greatest fears about weight loss.
I guess my biggest one would be getting down to my UGW of 112 and finding out that it's not where I want to be. I'd hate to have spent so much time and effort getting down to 112 lbs only to find that I'd have to lose even more weight to feel really good about my body. As it is now I feel ok about it, but I want to feel great about it one day.
Day Five (August 5th)- Why do you really want to lose this weight? Are you doing it for you?
I am. I am totally doing it for me. People say I was never fat, but 130 lbs on a 5'0" 12-year-old girl doesn't look proportionally right. And then of course most of you know I ballooned up to almost 150 last Thanksgiving, so I decided to take control of my weight. And the fact that my boyfriend thinks I look even hotter is definitely a plus. He always thought I looked beautiful, even at my heaviest. And he's a great guy for that.
Day Six (August 6th)- Do you binge? If so, explain why you think you do.
No, I've never eaten enough food to constitute what I would think of as a binge. To me that's eating thousands of calories in one sitting until you literally cannot eat anything else or you'll puke. I've wanted to upchuck my food at one point or another but that was only out of guilt, not being physically induced to do so.
Day Seven (August 7th)- Do your parents know you’re trying to lose weight? Do they care?
They know I've lost weight and they commented on it a lot when I first got home for the summer. They said I had a tiny waist and my butt had gotten smaller. I'm sure they know I'd like to lose a bit more weight but to them it's not really a cause for concern. I eat normally around them and since I haven't gained more than 1 or 2 lbs by my eating habits lately I'm just coasting through the summer and then hitting the gym hard once I get back to university. Then hopefully I can lose the last 10 lbs in a month or so.
Day Eight (August 8th)- Your workout routine.
Summer hasn't really yielded much exercise besides my dance classes, but during the school year I have kind of a bizarre (and potentially dangerous) workout routine. I try to go to the gym in the morning or early afternoon, and because I go early I try not to eat or drink anything before I go, which I know is bad. I do it so I can get the lowest possible weight for my weigh in afterward. So anyway, the last few months I went to the gym I basically just hit the elliptical for an hour, and in the final few weeks I'd jog a mile, go on the elliptical for an hour, and then jog another mile. Once I'm done I go to the locker room, use the bathroom, then strip down to my undies and weigh myself. And then I drink 24 oz of water in like 5 minutes because I'm so thirsty. As bad as it is this is probably what I'll revert back to once I head back to school.
So yeah I've been totally MIA the past few days. I've been working of course and yesterday I went to the lake with Aaron, a friend from school and his gf and then another friend from high school. It was a nice relaxing afternoon. We just laid out, ate some snacks, played around in the water, and that night we went to see the new Planet of the Apes movie. I think the CGI is AWESOME. All of the apes are CGI and they look soooooooo gooooooood. And he story is such a better origin story than the original 1980's sequel. I highly recommend it if you're into sci-fi...or James Franco.
Ok time for sleep. I really need to update these earlier in the day. I'm always so tired I feel like I don't post properly. Hope you're all well.
♥ Toni
Day Three (August 3rd)- A picture of your thinspiration. What features do you like about this person?
I have literally hundreds of thinspo pictures, some of which I haven't looked at in weeks, which makes it pretty much impossible to pick just one picture that sums up the body I want, but this one does it pretty well:
This comes from a folder I've labled "abs." I want tight, flat abs...that are also tan, just like these. And I want to show them off in a little white bikini someday.
Day Four (August 4th)- Your greatest fears about weight loss.
I guess my biggest one would be getting down to my UGW of 112 and finding out that it's not where I want to be. I'd hate to have spent so much time and effort getting down to 112 lbs only to find that I'd have to lose even more weight to feel really good about my body. As it is now I feel ok about it, but I want to feel great about it one day.
Day Five (August 5th)- Why do you really want to lose this weight? Are you doing it for you?
I am. I am totally doing it for me. People say I was never fat, but 130 lbs on a 5'0" 12-year-old girl doesn't look proportionally right. And then of course most of you know I ballooned up to almost 150 last Thanksgiving, so I decided to take control of my weight. And the fact that my boyfriend thinks I look even hotter is definitely a plus. He always thought I looked beautiful, even at my heaviest. And he's a great guy for that.
Day Six (August 6th)- Do you binge? If so, explain why you think you do.
No, I've never eaten enough food to constitute what I would think of as a binge. To me that's eating thousands of calories in one sitting until you literally cannot eat anything else or you'll puke. I've wanted to upchuck my food at one point or another but that was only out of guilt, not being physically induced to do so.
Day Seven (August 7th)- Do your parents know you’re trying to lose weight? Do they care?
They know I've lost weight and they commented on it a lot when I first got home for the summer. They said I had a tiny waist and my butt had gotten smaller. I'm sure they know I'd like to lose a bit more weight but to them it's not really a cause for concern. I eat normally around them and since I haven't gained more than 1 or 2 lbs by my eating habits lately I'm just coasting through the summer and then hitting the gym hard once I get back to university. Then hopefully I can lose the last 10 lbs in a month or so.
Day Eight (August 8th)- Your workout routine.
Summer hasn't really yielded much exercise besides my dance classes, but during the school year I have kind of a bizarre (and potentially dangerous) workout routine. I try to go to the gym in the morning or early afternoon, and because I go early I try not to eat or drink anything before I go, which I know is bad. I do it so I can get the lowest possible weight for my weigh in afterward. So anyway, the last few months I went to the gym I basically just hit the elliptical for an hour, and in the final few weeks I'd jog a mile, go on the elliptical for an hour, and then jog another mile. Once I'm done I go to the locker room, use the bathroom, then strip down to my undies and weigh myself. And then I drink 24 oz of water in like 5 minutes because I'm so thirsty. As bad as it is this is probably what I'll revert back to once I head back to school.
So yeah I've been totally MIA the past few days. I've been working of course and yesterday I went to the lake with Aaron, a friend from school and his gf and then another friend from high school. It was a nice relaxing afternoon. We just laid out, ate some snacks, played around in the water, and that night we went to see the new Planet of the Apes movie. I think the CGI is AWESOME. All of the apes are CGI and they look soooooooo gooooooood. And he story is such a better origin story than the original 1980's sequel. I highly recommend it if you're into sci-fi...or James Franco.
Ok time for sleep. I really need to update these earlier in the day. I'm always so tired I feel like I don't post properly. Hope you're all well.
♥ Toni
Tuesday, August 2, 2011
I'm short. I know.
30 Day Challenge
Day two- How tall are you? Do you like your height?
I'm 5 feet tall. That's it. Not an inch taller. And to be honest I wish I were even two or three inches taller. Jeans would fit better, boots would look better on me, and I could get away with being just a few lbs heavier. And I guess I can get away with wearing heels of any height, but I don't even like heels. Dancing with Aaron, who is 6'2", is a nightmare. The upside is that I really do look much smaller compared to most other people because of how short I am. I've been this height since I was 10, so I really don't know anything else.
So today pretty much nothing really exciting happened. Aaron and I did got out and have some us time out on the outskirts of town, but that's really it. And that's good because we've been arguing lately.
Tomorrow I'm seeing Friends With Benefits with Jenna and we're going to check out this new sushi place in our hometown. I haven't had sushi since I met up with Olivia at the end of school (and that place wasn't even that good so I'll have to take her out to some much more well trusted sushi places come this fall) and I'm excited to have some again, plus this place has some pretty good reviews.
Food was kind of good, kind of bad today. I had a small bowl of frosted flakes, some tomato and cucumber salad, three fun size snickers bars, 2 dollar scoops from Baskin Robbins, and a caramel mocha and 4 chicken nuggets from McD's. It's less than I was eating but still more than I should be eating. Hopefully tomorrow I'll get away with some strawberries until sushi time. I weighed in at 123.5 lbs, but I'm gonna play the blame game on my period. I don't like to do that but it makes me feel better.
Oh well, time for bed. Hope you all are having good summer days. And good luck if any of you are trying to get into Pottermore! I'm ElmPixie52!
♥ Toni
P.S.- Awkward is sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo much better than Secret Life when it comes to portraying sex, plus it's funny!
Day two- How tall are you? Do you like your height?
I'm 5 feet tall. That's it. Not an inch taller. And to be honest I wish I were even two or three inches taller. Jeans would fit better, boots would look better on me, and I could get away with being just a few lbs heavier. And I guess I can get away with wearing heels of any height, but I don't even like heels. Dancing with Aaron, who is 6'2", is a nightmare. The upside is that I really do look much smaller compared to most other people because of how short I am. I've been this height since I was 10, so I really don't know anything else.
So today pretty much nothing really exciting happened. Aaron and I did got out and have some us time out on the outskirts of town, but that's really it. And that's good because we've been arguing lately.
Tomorrow I'm seeing Friends With Benefits with Jenna and we're going to check out this new sushi place in our hometown. I haven't had sushi since I met up with Olivia at the end of school (and that place wasn't even that good so I'll have to take her out to some much more well trusted sushi places come this fall) and I'm excited to have some again, plus this place has some pretty good reviews.
Food was kind of good, kind of bad today. I had a small bowl of frosted flakes, some tomato and cucumber salad, three fun size snickers bars, 2 dollar scoops from Baskin Robbins, and a caramel mocha and 4 chicken nuggets from McD's. It's less than I was eating but still more than I should be eating. Hopefully tomorrow I'll get away with some strawberries until sushi time. I weighed in at 123.5 lbs, but I'm gonna play the blame game on my period. I don't like to do that but it makes me feel better.
Oh well, time for bed. Hope you all are having good summer days. And good luck if any of you are trying to get into Pottermore! I'm ElmPixie52!
♥ Toni
P.S.- Awkward is sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo much better than Secret Life when it comes to portraying sex, plus it's funny!
Monday, August 1, 2011
Oh Goodness Me
Another week of no posting. I've caught up on all the blogs and I've decided to have a post of my own. I finally have a few exciting things (kind of) to talk about. Oh and I'm up to 86 followers! Thank you lovely girls! I'm less than 15 away to 100, that's crazy.
So...to celebrate the first of August I've decided to do the 30 Day Challenge:
Day One- Your stats.
Day Two- How tall are you? Do you like your height?
Day Three- A picture of your thinsperation. What features do you like about this person?
Day Four- Your greatest fears about weight loss.
Day Five- Why do you really want to lose this weight? Are you doing it for you?
Day Six- Do you binge? If so, explain why you think you do.
Day Seven- Do your parents know you’re trying to lose weight? Do they care?
Day Eight- Your workout routine.
Day Nine- Did people ever make comments about your weight in a negative way?
Day Ten- What was the hardest thing you gave up during this “weight loss.”
Day Eleven- Your favorite thinspo blog and why!
Day Twelve- What do you normally eat?
Day Thirteen- Are you losing weight in a healthy or unhealthy way?
Day fourteen- What’s your UGW? When you expect to reach it?
Day Fifteen- Are you vegan or vegetarian? If so, has this helped you lose weight? If not, would you ever consider turning vegan or vegetarian?
Day Sixteen- When did you first decide to lose weight?
Day Seventeen- Do you have an eating disorder?
Day Eighteen- What food is your weakness?
Day Nineteen- When is the last time you ate fast food?
Day Twenty- Favorite diet?
Day Twenty-One- What are your clothing sizes?
Day Twenty-Two- What was your lowest weight? How and why did you gain?
Day Twenty-Three- Did the media play a role in your wanting to lose weight?
Day Twenty-Four- How do you feel about the terms pro-ana/pro-mia
Day Twenty-Five- Have you ever purged? If you have describe your first experience.
Day Twenty-Six- What excites you most about reaching your ugw?
Day Twenty-Seven- How do you deal with being around food?
Day Twenty-Eight- Do you want that “gap” between your legs? Why?
Day Twenty-Nine- Your definition of beauty.
Day Thirty- 10 facts about you! And now, what are your stats?
So there's all the questions. I've been wanting to do this for a while but I couldn't find a list of the questions all in one place.
I think I'm ready to start restricting again. The past few days I haven't been as hungry and I've probably eaten less than 1000 calories. I'm still at the 121/122 lbs range but I can probably lose a lb a week, which would put me at 116 by the time school starts. I probably won't start counting again until I go back to school but I can tell I'm just not eating as much.
I just watched a few episodes of Supersize vs. Superskinny. Those British women are a hoot. And now there;s a new episode of Dr. Phil on about anorexia. It's from 4 years ago and I've seen it before but there's nothing else on that I want to watch. Oh and you know how Borders is closing? Perfect time to but Wasted and Wintergirls at a super low price! I don't mean to sound like I'm diving into unhealthy eating habits because I'm not, but it would just be nice to have some motivation to stop eating whatever I want, you know?
Oh and so I slept over at my grandma's last night because I haven't spent time with her in a while and my younger cousins sometimes leave clothes in the dresser in the kid's guest room. My 12-year-old cousin left a pair of her old jeans, size 12 1/2. I tried them on. They fit. I fit in kid sizes again! Do you know what that means? No longer having to hem my jeans because I'm a mutant with midget legs. Of course I need to lose just a few more lbs to make sure I can fit comfortably into kid's sizes, but I'm pretty excited. Don't worry though, I'm not talking about weird fraying or bedazzled or acid wash kid's jeans, just basic denim that costs less and fits length-wise.
And is anyone else trying to get into Pottermore? I'm staying up as long as it takes to find that quill and get that clue! So I'm going to go refresh my Pottermore page every 30 seconds for the next two hours. I'll leave you with my first answer o the 30 Day Challenge:
Day One- Your stats.
Well they're on the side panel but I'll put them up on this post too.
Name: Toni
Age: 19
Height: 5 ft. 0 in.
Current weight: 122 lbs.
Highest weight: 148 lbs. (Thanksgiving 2010, age 18)
Lowest weight: 118 lbs. (Summer 2006, age 14)
And then all my goal weights are to the side as well.
Alright ladies, hopefully I'll be posting every day now that I'm doing the challenge so I'll see you all tomorrow. =)
♥ Toni
P.S.- I'm PISSED that Rachel and Brendon are up for eviction on Big Brother. Anyone else with me?
So...to celebrate the first of August I've decided to do the 30 Day Challenge:
Day One- Your stats.
Day Two- How tall are you? Do you like your height?
Day Three- A picture of your thinsperation. What features do you like about this person?
Day Four- Your greatest fears about weight loss.
Day Five- Why do you really want to lose this weight? Are you doing it for you?
Day Six- Do you binge? If so, explain why you think you do.
Day Seven- Do your parents know you’re trying to lose weight? Do they care?
Day Eight- Your workout routine.
Day Nine- Did people ever make comments about your weight in a negative way?
Day Ten- What was the hardest thing you gave up during this “weight loss.”
Day Eleven- Your favorite thinspo blog and why!
Day Twelve- What do you normally eat?
Day Thirteen- Are you losing weight in a healthy or unhealthy way?
Day fourteen- What’s your UGW? When you expect to reach it?
Day Fifteen- Are you vegan or vegetarian? If so, has this helped you lose weight? If not, would you ever consider turning vegan or vegetarian?
Day Sixteen- When did you first decide to lose weight?
Day Seventeen- Do you have an eating disorder?
Day Eighteen- What food is your weakness?
Day Nineteen- When is the last time you ate fast food?
Day Twenty- Favorite diet?
Day Twenty-One- What are your clothing sizes?
Day Twenty-Two- What was your lowest weight? How and why did you gain?
Day Twenty-Three- Did the media play a role in your wanting to lose weight?
Day Twenty-Four- How do you feel about the terms pro-ana/pro-mia
Day Twenty-Five- Have you ever purged? If you have describe your first experience.
Day Twenty-Six- What excites you most about reaching your ugw?
Day Twenty-Seven- How do you deal with being around food?
Day Twenty-Eight- Do you want that “gap” between your legs? Why?
Day Twenty-Nine- Your definition of beauty.
Day Thirty- 10 facts about you! And now, what are your stats?
So there's all the questions. I've been wanting to do this for a while but I couldn't find a list of the questions all in one place.
I think I'm ready to start restricting again. The past few days I haven't been as hungry and I've probably eaten less than 1000 calories. I'm still at the 121/122 lbs range but I can probably lose a lb a week, which would put me at 116 by the time school starts. I probably won't start counting again until I go back to school but I can tell I'm just not eating as much.
I just watched a few episodes of Supersize vs. Superskinny. Those British women are a hoot. And now there;s a new episode of Dr. Phil on about anorexia. It's from 4 years ago and I've seen it before but there's nothing else on that I want to watch. Oh and you know how Borders is closing? Perfect time to but Wasted and Wintergirls at a super low price! I don't mean to sound like I'm diving into unhealthy eating habits because I'm not, but it would just be nice to have some motivation to stop eating whatever I want, you know?
Oh and so I slept over at my grandma's last night because I haven't spent time with her in a while and my younger cousins sometimes leave clothes in the dresser in the kid's guest room. My 12-year-old cousin left a pair of her old jeans, size 12 1/2. I tried them on. They fit. I fit in kid sizes again! Do you know what that means? No longer having to hem my jeans because I'm a mutant with midget legs. Of course I need to lose just a few more lbs to make sure I can fit comfortably into kid's sizes, but I'm pretty excited. Don't worry though, I'm not talking about weird fraying or bedazzled or acid wash kid's jeans, just basic denim that costs less and fits length-wise.
And is anyone else trying to get into Pottermore? I'm staying up as long as it takes to find that quill and get that clue! So I'm going to go refresh my Pottermore page every 30 seconds for the next two hours. I'll leave you with my first answer o the 30 Day Challenge:
Day One- Your stats.
Well they're on the side panel but I'll put them up on this post too.
Name: Toni
Age: 19
Height: 5 ft. 0 in.
Current weight: 122 lbs.
Highest weight: 148 lbs. (Thanksgiving 2010, age 18)
Lowest weight: 118 lbs. (Summer 2006, age 14)
And then all my goal weights are to the side as well.
Alright ladies, hopefully I'll be posting every day now that I'm doing the challenge so I'll see you all tomorrow. =)
♥ Toni
P.S.- I'm PISSED that Rachel and Brendon are up for eviction on Big Brother. Anyone else with me?
Monday, July 25, 2011
The Fair!
So this past week hasn't been much different. I've been fluctuating between 121.5 and 124.5. My weight is lower on the days I eat only one meal, so I'm thinking I'll try more of that, although Aaron and I went to the state fair yesterday so of course I ate a bunch of carnival food. I tried a fried Twinkie and a fried Snickers for the first time, plus I had lemonade and an ice cream cone. And Aaron won me a giraffe pillow pet. =)
The other night we went out to one of my co-worker's parties. It was basically one of those alcohol parties. I didn't drink much though because I don't like beer. Go figure.
Today I was supposed to go over to Aaron's house for some alone time because his crazy mother is going to be gone for a few hours, but my sister thought it would be a good idea to finally spend the day with our Grandma, who has been meaning to take us out for our birthdays (it's been hell trying to find a day that works for all three of us). So Aaron is pretty disappointed. He's been so hung up on sex lately though. I really don't like it because it's really hard to ever get time alone. I think things will be so much better when we go back to school because we'll have our own rooms and whatnot.
Well, I just thought I'd update you all on recent events. I really need to do a proper post with thinspo but I just can't find the time. I'll try soon!
♥ Toni
The other night we went out to one of my co-worker's parties. It was basically one of those alcohol parties. I didn't drink much though because I don't like beer. Go figure.
Today I was supposed to go over to Aaron's house for some alone time because his crazy mother is going to be gone for a few hours, but my sister thought it would be a good idea to finally spend the day with our Grandma, who has been meaning to take us out for our birthdays (it's been hell trying to find a day that works for all three of us). So Aaron is pretty disappointed. He's been so hung up on sex lately though. I really don't like it because it's really hard to ever get time alone. I think things will be so much better when we go back to school because we'll have our own rooms and whatnot.
Well, I just thought I'd update you all on recent events. I really need to do a proper post with thinspo but I just can't find the time. I'll try soon!
♥ Toni
Sunday, July 17, 2011
Saw nothing but good things today.
So this morning I saw 120.5 on the scale. YES! And I didn't eat too much today so hopefully it'll stay that way.
And I saw Deathly Hallows Part 2 today finally. With something like this waiting 3 days to see it feels like an eternity. I cried like a baby. A least during the epilogue. It's all over for me, and now I feel obligated to read all 7 books again, read some super good fanon, watch the movies, and join Pottermore when that gets started up. Oh and visit the theme park. I can't believe that was it. J.K. Rowling, you better write seven more books about Harry's kids. And now that no one's trying to maliciously kill anyone else, this time around you can focus solely on social drama. Yay!
Super short post today. I have to go to bed because I have work in the morning. I hope I have some good news for you all tomorrow!
♥ Toni
And I saw Deathly Hallows Part 2 today finally. With something like this waiting 3 days to see it feels like an eternity. I cried like a baby. A least during the epilogue. It's all over for me, and now I feel obligated to read all 7 books again, read some super good fanon, watch the movies, and join Pottermore when that gets started up. Oh and visit the theme park. I can't believe that was it. J.K. Rowling, you better write seven more books about Harry's kids. And now that no one's trying to maliciously kill anyone else, this time around you can focus solely on social drama. Yay!
Super short post today. I have to go to bed because I have work in the morning. I hope I have some good news for you all tomorrow!
♥ Toni
Tonsillitis: go away!
Thank you Dreaming of a Perfect Me, brixy, and molly-saurus-rex for joining my blog. =)
So...the past few days have been kind of sucky. First of all I have a mild case of tonsillitis. My voice is gone and it's painful to swallow, therefore very painful to eat. Yesterday I saw 121 on the scale, but it was back up to 122 today. I have been eating less overall so maybe I'll loose a few lbs from this? It still sucks BALLS though. It's like the inside of my throat is sandpaper...on fire.
HP news: like I've said in past posts I had to work the HP midnight premiere so I couldn't go, but there was supposed to be a sneak for employees Wednesday night. A mass text from my boss was sent out at 10 pm (when we got the physical prints in) for a sneak at midnight. To bad I DIDN'T get the text, along with a few other people. Yup, I missed HP. And I didn't find out until I had to work the premiere, so I was surrounded by hundreds of people pumped up to see a movie I missed out on. And because business is expected to do so well, employees aren't allowed to see the movie for free until July 25th. But all is well, because I sent a text to my boss telling him how important the movie is to me and how I never got word of the sneak, so he gave me two re-ad tickets (usually given as refunds for movies that break down) so I'm taking my best friend tomorrow so we can cry for 2 hours and 40 minutes.
Oh so guess who doesn't have to drive their boyfriend around everywhere because he finally got a car? Yeah, me! For virtually our entire relationship I've had to drive Aaron because he either hadn't had his license yet or didn't have a car to drive. Not anymore! It's nice to have a boyfriend who can drive me places for once (although I'm still a little scared of his driving). It's a nice change of pace.
Sorry to have another non-food dominated post. If I'm fortunate to still have you all with me by the time I go back to school, expect my posts to go back to normal. At least then I'll have my gym back and can more easily drop weight.
Ok, time for bed. Hope your summers are going well.
♥ Toni
P.S.-Finally learned how to hem my jeans with the original hem! Yay for pants that are the right length!!!
So...the past few days have been kind of sucky. First of all I have a mild case of tonsillitis. My voice is gone and it's painful to swallow, therefore very painful to eat. Yesterday I saw 121 on the scale, but it was back up to 122 today. I have been eating less overall so maybe I'll loose a few lbs from this? It still sucks BALLS though. It's like the inside of my throat is sandpaper...on fire.
HP news: like I've said in past posts I had to work the HP midnight premiere so I couldn't go, but there was supposed to be a sneak for employees Wednesday night. A mass text from my boss was sent out at 10 pm (when we got the physical prints in) for a sneak at midnight. To bad I DIDN'T get the text, along with a few other people. Yup, I missed HP. And I didn't find out until I had to work the premiere, so I was surrounded by hundreds of people pumped up to see a movie I missed out on. And because business is expected to do so well, employees aren't allowed to see the movie for free until July 25th. But all is well, because I sent a text to my boss telling him how important the movie is to me and how I never got word of the sneak, so he gave me two re-ad tickets (usually given as refunds for movies that break down) so I'm taking my best friend tomorrow so we can cry for 2 hours and 40 minutes.
Oh so guess who doesn't have to drive their boyfriend around everywhere because he finally got a car? Yeah, me! For virtually our entire relationship I've had to drive Aaron because he either hadn't had his license yet or didn't have a car to drive. Not anymore! It's nice to have a boyfriend who can drive me places for once (although I'm still a little scared of his driving). It's a nice change of pace.
Sorry to have another non-food dominated post. If I'm fortunate to still have you all with me by the time I go back to school, expect my posts to go back to normal. At least then I'll have my gym back and can more easily drop weight.
Ok, time for bed. Hope your summers are going well.
♥ Toni
P.S.-Finally learned how to hem my jeans with the original hem! Yay for pants that are the right length!!!
Tuesday, July 12, 2011
Long-ish post. Please bear with me.
77 followers. I don't feel like I deserve 77 followers seeing as
1) I only post 1-3 times a week now and
2) I have lost zero weight in what? a month? more than a month?
Yes I'm still at 122, but I deserve it. I've been doing a limited amount of exercise and have been eating whatever I want (although never enough to make me feel painfully full or anything like that). Dance classes started on Saturday. I'm still trying to figure out what classes are right for me but I'm for sure taking a leaps/turns technique class and some sort of ballet class.
K- First off your English is fine! Better than some people on the internet who grew up with it as their first language. I was on my dance team in high school and we did some jazz but mostly drill team/military style dancing. Since I've been in college I've focused on jazz and I'm really looking to improve my turns and jumps technically as I'm trying to make my university's dance team. And gymnastics? I just could not ever imagine doing all those flips and stuff, I'd be way too afraid of getting hurt! But I respect anyone who has the discipline to stick with it into adulthood.
Olivia- I knooooooooooooooow. I swore I would text you if I ever ended up doing a market but I've been scheduled to work at the theater every. single. Saturday. And now on top of it I have dance class on Saturday too, so basically I probably won't be doing a Saturday market all summer. And if I do Wednesday classes I won't be able to do those markets either! I'm bummed because I really wanted to introduce you to my parents, and meeting Boy would have been so nice! Damn, I guess we'll just have to wait until September. I'm sorry, I really was hoping to see you there this summer. =(
Well, other than bad food news I got to spend some quality time with Aaron Sunday night when I slept over at his dad's house. Basically when he lives with his dad he's in this huge city with tons to do and we just sat around watching Harry Potter and, as he likes to call it, having a little "slap and tickle" (sorry if that was tmi). ^_~
But we did go see Horrible Bosses, which was pretty much as funny as I thought it would be. It was $7.75 well spent I guess.
Oh and speaking of money I've been stressing out about paying for next year's tuition and housing and all that stuff because I'm getting $5000 less than I did last year. Good news though because my housing and meal plan will cost less (apartment=less dining hall food) and hopefully I'll be able to get an on campus job in a mail room or at the gym or something. But anyway turns out I only have to pay $250 more a quarter than my financial aid will cover which is good! I thought it would be a lot more. So now I just have to worry about buying groceries and books.
So now I'm watching both Kill Bill volumes and I've already caught up on everyone's blogs. Is it just me or does it seem like everyone's posting a bit less? I know personally I just haven't had much time and I'm not exactly living up to what this blog is supposed to be about at the moment, but it just seems like summer is a bad time for blogging. Funny, you'd think there would be an influx of activity. Maybe we're all getting busy. I can relate.
Well, off to bed I suppose. Again I apologize for my lack of posting and my inability to lose any weight. I swear if I just wasn't working so much I'd be at least a few lbs thinner. But I'll take a maintain and earning money over a loss and earning no money any day. I always have the school year to lose that last 10, right?
♥ Toni
P.S.- Anyone watching this season's Big Brother? I just got into it after reading an article about the show and all I have to say is: what the fuck is up with Rachel and her annoying laugh? I really hope she doesn't stay in the house too much longer. Blegh.
1) I only post 1-3 times a week now and
2) I have lost zero weight in what? a month? more than a month?
Yes I'm still at 122, but I deserve it. I've been doing a limited amount of exercise and have been eating whatever I want (although never enough to make me feel painfully full or anything like that). Dance classes started on Saturday. I'm still trying to figure out what classes are right for me but I'm for sure taking a leaps/turns technique class and some sort of ballet class.
K- First off your English is fine! Better than some people on the internet who grew up with it as their first language. I was on my dance team in high school and we did some jazz but mostly drill team/military style dancing. Since I've been in college I've focused on jazz and I'm really looking to improve my turns and jumps technically as I'm trying to make my university's dance team. And gymnastics? I just could not ever imagine doing all those flips and stuff, I'd be way too afraid of getting hurt! But I respect anyone who has the discipline to stick with it into adulthood.
Olivia- I knooooooooooooooow. I swore I would text you if I ever ended up doing a market but I've been scheduled to work at the theater every. single. Saturday. And now on top of it I have dance class on Saturday too, so basically I probably won't be doing a Saturday market all summer. And if I do Wednesday classes I won't be able to do those markets either! I'm bummed because I really wanted to introduce you to my parents, and meeting Boy would have been so nice! Damn, I guess we'll just have to wait until September. I'm sorry, I really was hoping to see you there this summer. =(
Well, other than bad food news I got to spend some quality time with Aaron Sunday night when I slept over at his dad's house. Basically when he lives with his dad he's in this huge city with tons to do and we just sat around watching Harry Potter and, as he likes to call it, having a little "slap and tickle" (sorry if that was tmi). ^_~
But we did go see Horrible Bosses, which was pretty much as funny as I thought it would be. It was $7.75 well spent I guess.
Oh and speaking of money I've been stressing out about paying for next year's tuition and housing and all that stuff because I'm getting $5000 less than I did last year. Good news though because my housing and meal plan will cost less (apartment=less dining hall food) and hopefully I'll be able to get an on campus job in a mail room or at the gym or something. But anyway turns out I only have to pay $250 more a quarter than my financial aid will cover which is good! I thought it would be a lot more. So now I just have to worry about buying groceries and books.
So now I'm watching both Kill Bill volumes and I've already caught up on everyone's blogs. Is it just me or does it seem like everyone's posting a bit less? I know personally I just haven't had much time and I'm not exactly living up to what this blog is supposed to be about at the moment, but it just seems like summer is a bad time for blogging. Funny, you'd think there would be an influx of activity. Maybe we're all getting busy. I can relate.
Well, off to bed I suppose. Again I apologize for my lack of posting and my inability to lose any weight. I swear if I just wasn't working so much I'd be at least a few lbs thinner. But I'll take a maintain and earning money over a loss and earning no money any day. I always have the school year to lose that last 10, right?
♥ Toni
P.S.- Anyone watching this season's Big Brother? I just got into it after reading an article about the show and all I have to say is: what the fuck is up with Rachel and her annoying laugh? I really hope she doesn't stay in the house too much longer. Blegh.
Saturday, July 9, 2011
Harry Potter is coming!!!
Olivia, you do always manage to see a silver lining. Thanks for making me feel a bit better, and you've been doing awesome adjusting to your new dietary needs. A few slip ups here and there will only make you stronger once you get through them. =)
75 followers! That's 3/4 of the way to 100. Wow. Thanks awesome blossoms!
So guess who got scheduled to work the HP7 pt. 2 premiere? This girl right here. And I can't even go to see the HP marathon my work is holding all week because my dad is lame and gives me a curfew of midnight. I'm nineteen. WTF? So I guess I'll have to settle on seeing the advanced employee screening of part 2 and getting to wear an HP5 Ron t-shirt to work for the premiere. Better than nothing I suppose.
Food has been ok. I think I'm eating a little less every day and I'm seeing very minute changes on the scale. I'm hoping for a weigh in of 121 after my dance class from 10-11:30am. And then I get to look forward to a 1:30-10pm shift right after that, so I won't have a ton of time to eat. Eh, right now I'm mostly worries about how much my dance classes will cost. If I take 3 that's already close to $130 for the month. =/
I only make about $160 a week and I need to save all I can for next year. I could be cutting it very close if I can't fit in an on-campus job. Life sucks.
Sorry this post is super short and not very food related, but I need some sleep for tomorrow.
Hope you all had a great day,
♥ Toni
75 followers! That's 3/4 of the way to 100. Wow. Thanks awesome blossoms!
So guess who got scheduled to work the HP7 pt. 2 premiere? This girl right here. And I can't even go to see the HP marathon my work is holding all week because my dad is lame and gives me a curfew of midnight. I'm nineteen. WTF? So I guess I'll have to settle on seeing the advanced employee screening of part 2 and getting to wear an HP5 Ron t-shirt to work for the premiere. Better than nothing I suppose.
Food has been ok. I think I'm eating a little less every day and I'm seeing very minute changes on the scale. I'm hoping for a weigh in of 121 after my dance class from 10-11:30am. And then I get to look forward to a 1:30-10pm shift right after that, so I won't have a ton of time to eat. Eh, right now I'm mostly worries about how much my dance classes will cost. If I take 3 that's already close to $130 for the month. =/
I only make about $160 a week and I need to save all I can for next year. I could be cutting it very close if I can't fit in an on-campus job. Life sucks.
Sorry this post is super short and not very food related, but I need some sleep for tomorrow.
Hope you all had a great day,
♥ Toni
Thursday, July 7, 2011
Still Struggling
I haven't posted in a week? Over a week? Oh who cares, it's been too long. I'm hovering around the same weight as I was a week ago: 122. Oh and if anyone didn't notice or got confused I changed my display name to my actual name, Toni. I've also caught up on all of your posts and even followed a new follower, Yasmin. She just started her blog Beautiful Waif, so if you like following blogs from the very beginning go check her out. =)
So in the week I was gone I've pretty much done away with most of the habits I developed while I was in college. Is it healthier? Yes. Do I like it? Sort of. Would I trade this for what I was doing before? Totally. The only reason I'm eating more is because the food is just here. I know some girls can restrain themselves but I struggle a lot. Plus I haven't been to an actual gym in almost a month. And it's too damn hot (think high 90's low 100's) to go jogging at any reasonable time, so for the past few days I've been sticking to 40 minutes of the Barre program on my OnDemand exercise listings. It's pretty much a muscle toning exercise for dancers but boy does it make me sweat. I'm trying to get into some kind of shape for dance classes which start in no less than two days! I'll be trying out a leaps and turns technique class taught by my former dance team assistant coach on Saturday. Then on Monday I'll be trying out an intermediate jazz class taught by the same person and on Tuesday (hopefully my leotard will have arrived by then) I'll be attending an intermediate/advanced ballet class. That one's taught by a dude. Am I nervous to be taking an advanced level ballet class when I've ever only taken jazz? Hell yes. But who knows? Maybe I'll be ok at it. And I don't even know if I can afford to take all three, but we'll see. I'm very excited!
Aaron and I have been good. He's living with his mom in our home town for an unspecified period of time which means we've been together more than when he lived with his dad 40 minutes away. But I'm sure he'll be going back soon, and then we can go to the state fair! I've never gone and I want to see what all the hooplah is about.
Oh ok so just yesterday I found out something very surprising that also made me a little sad. Did you know that Kelly Osborne is now 122 lbs?!?! What? She's seriously 10 lbs lighter than me? I was just floored. I mean good for her, she look's fantastic but man, that really makes me want to get down to my UGW of 112 now. Who knew KO weighed that little?
Alright it's 3am and I'm probably going to have to wake up around 9 so good night. I promise I'll start posting more consistently. Part of it is me being ashamed of getting off track and the other is just not having enough time. Summer is supposed to be relaxing! Not busy!
♥ Toni
So in the week I was gone I've pretty much done away with most of the habits I developed while I was in college. Is it healthier? Yes. Do I like it? Sort of. Would I trade this for what I was doing before? Totally. The only reason I'm eating more is because the food is just here. I know some girls can restrain themselves but I struggle a lot. Plus I haven't been to an actual gym in almost a month. And it's too damn hot (think high 90's low 100's) to go jogging at any reasonable time, so for the past few days I've been sticking to 40 minutes of the Barre program on my OnDemand exercise listings. It's pretty much a muscle toning exercise for dancers but boy does it make me sweat. I'm trying to get into some kind of shape for dance classes which start in no less than two days! I'll be trying out a leaps and turns technique class taught by my former dance team assistant coach on Saturday. Then on Monday I'll be trying out an intermediate jazz class taught by the same person and on Tuesday (hopefully my leotard will have arrived by then) I'll be attending an intermediate/advanced ballet class. That one's taught by a dude. Am I nervous to be taking an advanced level ballet class when I've ever only taken jazz? Hell yes. But who knows? Maybe I'll be ok at it. And I don't even know if I can afford to take all three, but we'll see. I'm very excited!
Aaron and I have been good. He's living with his mom in our home town for an unspecified period of time which means we've been together more than when he lived with his dad 40 minutes away. But I'm sure he'll be going back soon, and then we can go to the state fair! I've never gone and I want to see what all the hooplah is about.
Oh ok so just yesterday I found out something very surprising that also made me a little sad. Did you know that Kelly Osborne is now 122 lbs?!?! What? She's seriously 10 lbs lighter than me? I was just floored. I mean good for her, she look's fantastic but man, that really makes me want to get down to my UGW of 112 now. Who knew KO weighed that little?
Alright it's 3am and I'm probably going to have to wake up around 9 so good night. I promise I'll start posting more consistently. Part of it is me being ashamed of getting off track and the other is just not having enough time. Summer is supposed to be relaxing! Not busy!
♥ Toni
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