Friday, April 22, 2011

Weight, Exercise, and Dancing

Official weigh-in: 125 lbs. Boooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo.
Well, I guess I'm not still at 127, and I've exercised every day this week, and I've been in the negatives, and I know I'll drop some weight when my digestive track gets back to normal, so I guess that's not all bad. I just want to weigh less. =(

Christy: a sea salt bath you say? Sounds tempting, and I would try it if I had 1) sea salt and 2) a bath tub. Damn my dorm bathrooms and it's endless supply of showers!

Otherwise thank you girls for the supportive comments last night. I actually just ate a little bit ago after going to the gym. I feel ok. I burned off 640 calories. I don't know my calorie count yet. I'll update on that later.

Food has been weird lately. I've been having a hard time telling whether or not I'm hungry or full. The feelings are the same. And no matter how much I do eat, I don't feel overtly full and I've been going to bed with a growling tummy. Maybe I just think I'm eating a lot? Right now I don't think I'm eating much like a disordered person. French fries, hot dogs, frozen yogurt, tacos. I mean I've really been indulging. I do think, however, that I've started to exercise like a disordered person. It's not just "Oh I'll go dance class for 90 minutes then do a little workout." It's "I'm going to dance class with the intent of being the best and then going to exercise to burn off the most amount of calories I can." I mean, I'm getting light headed a lot and my legs have been continually sore. I'm short of breath and my resting heart rate has gone up. I know this isn't normal. It's my perfectionist drive. Example: yesterday a new girl came into my jazz dance class (I prefer my jazz class much more to my modern dance class) and that sense of competition came over me. For about half the class I watched her. She was thin and pretty and I wanted to see if she was good at dancing, or at least catching on. I watched her stretch, do combinations across the floor, leaps and turns, and finally I concluded that she wasn't a threat, that she wasn't as good as me. Aren't I a self-centered egotistical bitch? At least that's what I think. Again, I'm a perfectionist. And I'm a girl. Those two traits are bound to manifest themselves into bitchiness at one point or another. I just like being the best, or one of the best. I feel like a failure any other way.

Ok I'm rambling again, and I still have more to post later. But for now I have to go, I'm taking a little shopping trip with some friends. Leggings, headbands, jeans, so much I need to buy!

Later: Alright, so I'm back from my trip. I bought leggings, but no headbands or jeans. One terrible thing about being short: jeans are nearly impossible to buy. I did get some new sports bras and cotton shorts. Yay for new exercise clothes!

When we got back to campus I indulged in a dining hall crunch wrap...on top of having two kid's scoops at Baskin Robin. Oh goody joy, I can't wait to see which number appears on the scale tomorrow. For now though, I'm too tired to calculate all that I ate. I'm sure it was horrid. All I want is sleep. Day 6 of consecutive gym time coming up tomorrow at 10 am. I hope you all are having a great start to your weekend. =)

♥ Toni


  1. We are all self-centered. I bet that new girl was also watching other people dancing to see if she was better than them. (:

  2. Isn't it weird how our brain interprets our body signals sometimes? Like, you've just eaten a meal and then 30 minutes later your stomach is growling! I've read that our body sends out the same signals if it's hungry and/or thirsty- like, you think your hungry but you could actually be's weird :/.

    You are not self-centered and egotistical! Everyone does things like that at some point or another, whether you're a guy or a girl. People are always comparing themselves and doing their best so they may be the best. I think it's the "survival of the fittest" in a way. A little healthy competition is a good thing because it makes us strive to be the best we can be!