Tuesday, February 22, 2011

High School

Ugh I know it's almost 2 in the morning but I was Formspring creeping on all of the girl I used to know in high school who are still in high school themselves (most are seniors) and I noticed that for the most part they're all pretty, thin, and happy. I feel like I totally missed out on 4 years of happiness because I wasn't trying to control my weight. I just accepted this fact that I would never be thin and let myself think that for 4 straight years.

Now I'm in college and life is so different. There isn't this pressing matter of whether or not you're popular and thin at my particular university, but that's kind of what I miss. I do want to be thinner, and I'm doing well on my goals, but I'm not in an exclusive sorority or surrounded by beautiful people all the time, so trying to achieve this perfect weight almost seems like it's just something to do. Sure I'll get to wear clothes that flatter me and be all around more self confident, but there is no "popular" in college. I don't go out and party in clubs (nor am I friends with people who do), and I've already got a great boyfriend so there's no need to impress anyone.

God...I feel so shallow. Why am I complaining? I have a pretty ok life now. Maybe that's it though, I'm only starting to improve myself after eeverything else fell into place. No more worrying about boys or popularity, but I do think I missed out on trying to be that in high school. I think I missed out on making friends and being social by not trying hard enough. I do love the friends I made, and I do love my boyfriend. I just know there's a whole untapped potential I had that I'll never get to go back to. There are always high school reunions I suppose, but those aren't for another 4 years at least.

I'm sorry to go on this rant. It's this whole societal thing Americans (and even more so since I live in California of all paces) that if you're not popular in high school then you're nothing. I was always on the fringes but never got to it. I'm here now, and I'm trying to be better. I guess that's really all I can do.

1 comment:

  1. I think I understand a bit what you're thinking. It's like in hs I just went with my life, shallow but didn't really aspire to change my body, just get good grades and be social and stuff. Granted, I had some seriously depressed years. Now that we're out, it's like okay time to change my body because I'm not surrounded by people my age all the time. I feel you though, live in CA too. Sending you skinnies darling, because right now that's all we realy can do. right?