Thanks Zette and Ariana, I love both of your blogs and I'm really glad you guys are also following mine because you both are great.
So despite an overall weight gain of 2 lbs. over the past 10 days (which is not as bad as I thought it'd be), I'm feeling a bit cheerier since my dizzy spell. I don't know why, maybe it's because I know in two days I'll be back to working out and being able to better control my food. Maybe it's because I know now that I might have something a bit off about me. My parents have been asking me since yesterday morning if I've been eating right and making comments that I may have lost weight a bit too quickly. It's kind of a relief.
...And I'll tell you lovelies a kind of screwed up secret. Since I was a kid, maybe around 8 years old, I've had an odd wish to have something be wrong with me. Like borderline disorder or an extreme phobia or something (which I guess I kind of do; sometimes I get panic attacks over the whole "I'm going to die someday and there's nothing I can do about it" thing: necrophobia, fear of death). I don't know why but I think it's mostly because I wanted to be able to say I wasn't like everyone else, that I was special and had something to overcome. I don't really think like that anymore, but a drive to be better than average, to be abnormal is still there, and now I have this. This eating...thing. And this week has instilled in me a rejuvenated need to reach my goal.
I need to lose 15 lbs in 73 days. I want to be 112 by my birthday: June 6. I want my summer to be filled with hot days where I can wear shorts and tank tops and cute dresses and not worry about myself. I want Aaron to say "Wow!" when I undress for him and I want to be the skinniest one out of all of my friends. 15 lbs in 11 weeks, a pound about every 5 days. I think I can do it.
But before I get back to my old ways I'm going out with a bang. Tomorrow is food, food, food! I'm determined to eat as little as possible but you never know with restaurant food and then big family meals...
And to reinforce my recovered mindset I've grabbed a bunch of new thinspo. Enjoy!
P.S.- I just remeasured myself the other day because my bras have been a little loose (i.e. I have to adjust the straps and the band until they're at their smallest). I got three bras for $40 in December that were 38C, and my measurements came out to 32C. I'm mad because I just bought them and I'm going to have to buy more soon because they'll be too big, but I'm also happy because it means I'm getting smaller.