Friday, March 25, 2011

A New Outlook

First off I have a couple of new followers. =)
Thanks Zette and Ariana, I love both of your blogs and I'm really glad you guys are also following mine because you both are great.

So despite an overall weight gain of 2 lbs. over the past 10 days (which is not as bad as I thought it'd be), I'm feeling a bit cheerier since my dizzy spell. I don't know why, maybe it's because I know in two days I'll be back to working out and being able to better control my food. Maybe it's because I know now that I might have something a bit off about me. My parents have been asking me since yesterday morning if I've been eating right and making comments that I may have lost weight a bit too quickly. It's kind of a relief.

...And I'll tell you lovelies a kind of screwed up secret. Since I was a kid, maybe around 8 years old, I've had an odd wish to have something be wrong with me. Like borderline disorder or an extreme phobia or something (which I guess I kind of do; sometimes I get panic attacks over the whole "I'm going to die someday and there's nothing I can do about it" thing: necrophobia, fear of death). I don't know why but I think it's mostly because I wanted to be able to say I wasn't like everyone else, that I was special and had something to overcome. I don't really think like that anymore, but a drive to be better than average, to be abnormal is still there, and now I have this. This eating...thing. And this week has instilled in me a rejuvenated need to reach my goal.

I need to lose 15 lbs in 73 days. I want to be 112 by my birthday: June 6. I want my summer to be filled with hot days where I can wear shorts and tank tops and cute dresses and not worry about myself. I want Aaron to say "Wow!" when I undress for him and I want to be the skinniest one out of all of my friends. 15 lbs in 11 weeks, a pound about every 5 days. I think I can do it.

But before I get back to my old ways I'm going out with a bang. Tomorrow is food, food, food! I'm determined to eat as little as possible but you never know with restaurant food and then big family meals...

And to reinforce my recovered mindset I've grabbed a bunch of new thinspo. Enjoy!

I don't even like Uggs (or anything that looks like them),
but I have to say with legs like those, this girl pulls them off beautifully.

I'm in love with these:

No real theme going on today, I just tried to get a little bit of everything. Legs, abs, arms.

Ok, until next time.

♥ Toni

P.S.- I just remeasured myself the other day because my bras have been a little loose (i.e. I have to adjust the straps and the band until they're at their smallest). I got three bras for $40 in December that were 38C, and my measurements came out to 32C. I'm mad because I just bought them and I'm going to have to buy more soon because they'll be too big, but I'm also happy because it means I'm getting smaller.


  1. i'm a 32C also. not always an easy size to find. you can totally do it. 15lbs isn't such a big number, but it will make a huge difference. glad you're cheery. stay strong, doll.

  2. i totally know where you're coming from with the bra thing, i was a 36 C around november/decemberishh and now i'm a 34B, like.. small B. The kind of B where you say you're a B only because you're 'sideboob' is too big to fit into an A, yet your actual boobs are too small for a B. yah. frustrating yet oddly motivating at the same time. i had to get rid of 4 bras and buy new ones. keep workin and stay strongg*

  3. I love how you have a positive outlook- instead of stressing about it, you're looking forward to the exercise you know you're going to be able to do! That's a great thought after a huge mess-up, instead of stressing about it, know that exercise is soon to follow! You can definitely lose that weight by your b-day- this summer is going to be the "skinny girl summer" where we can wear shorts & cute outfit without worrying about our bodies!

    Great job on losing all those inches, but that does suck that you're going to have to buy more bras though because those things are expensive!

  4. 34B right here! I was a C four months ago, then they died lol along with my butt. Girly, you are amazing and can totally get back in to the swing of things, and you know it. Two lbs? No stress, you can work it off in a healthy way! Sending skinnies darling :)