Tuesday, March 29, 2011

I know what I want now and I'll do anything to get it.

Today was enlightening to say the least. I had a lot of ups, a lot of downs, a lot of food, and a lot of workouts!

I realized that despite what everything in my past tells me, what I'm trained in, and what I'm doing now, I want to be part of something bigger than myself, a team. I want to try out for cheer. It's crazy. I'm a dancer...sort of (three years of high school dance is enough to say that, right?). I'm taking modern and jazz (which I loooove). I despised the cheerleaders in high school. So why cheer? Well, I'm a bit awkward. I don't loosen up. Sure cheerleading has some dance in it but a lot of it is precision and sharp movements, not necessarily flowy, and that's exactly the type of dance I did in high school. Sharp arm sequences, kick, tricks. Not so much leaps and turns. So as soon as the next tryouts happen I'm going with one of my guy friends who lives in my hall and we're going to try out. Besides, dancers turn into cheerleaders all the time.

There's just one problem...I'm still fat. I'm reiterating what I said last night. The mirrors in that dance studio are the truth I'm forced to face. I look chunky still. Weight on short girls just doesn't look the same as it does on tall ones. So I need to go into super-duper diet mode. If I have any desire to not make a total fool of myself I need to drop this weight. No. Fat. Cheerleaders. Period.

Well I started Project Weight Loss Overhaul today. I've officially had my first negative intake day. And here's how it went down:
Skipped breakfast. Lunch was 7 oz of vegan chili (70 cal; and for those of you who wanted the recipe, they didn't have it up! I'm sorry.), 6 baby carrots and some celery and cucumber with 1 tbsp cesar dressing (70 cal), and a small brownie (70 cal). And after lunch I went to the gym where I burned off 500 calories.
Dinner was 1 piece of french bread, 2 pieces of bacon, 1/2 tbsp of mayo, and some lettuce and tomato for a BLT (180 cal), 1/2 cup of steamed veggies (15 cal), 3/4 cup of chocolate pudding (190 cal), and 1/2 of a California roll (195 cal). Later I went to jazz dance where I burned off another 350 calories (I'm sure it's higher but it's better to underestimate than overestimate) and then stopped by the gym really quick and burned an extra 70 calories off on the treadmill (ALL of the bikes and ellipticals were taken).
Add it all together and it's a total of -130 calories for the day.

I hope to dear God this puts a dent in my vacation gain. The needle is stuck at 129. Please please please let my weigh in tomorrow be lower than that. I've worked so hard these past few days. My thighs, calves, and arms are burning and my tummy growls every night before I go to bed. All I want is to be thinner. It's not a big demand.

And to make this post even longer I thought I'd add this lovely survey VictoriaCrimson previously filled out on her blog. Who knows, maybe some of you are actually interested in me. haha

1. How old will you be in 3 birthdays?
21. I'd probably buy booze to celebrate...if I didn't think it tasted disgusting and it didn't have huge amounts of calories.
2. Do you think you'll be married by then?

Possibly, Aaron and I will be past the 5 year mark by then. Maybe we'll just be engaged. 5 years is a long time to just be dating.
3. What do you look forward to most in the next 2 months?
Possible cheer tryouts, getting thinner, my academic and dance classes, and warm weather!
4. Who was the last person who called you?
My best friend.
5. Have you ever played a team sport?

Freshman year I played badminton and the next three I was fully committed to the dance/drill team.
6. Who was the last person to text you?
My boyfriend.
7. Who was the last person you hugged?

Probably one of the people in the hall.
8. What were you doing at midnight last night?
I was either on my laptop or reading Going Hungry.
9. What happened at 11:00 a.m. today?

I was on the bus coming back from buying books for my literature class.
10. How many states have you visited?
Just 3: California, Illinois, and Missouri.
11. If you could be anywhere right now, where would it be?
I like it right here at the moment, but maybe back in dance class.
12. Do you prefer shoes, socks, or bare feet?
Shoes if I'm walking, slippers if I'm lounging.
14. What was the last thing you drank?
Green tea.
15. Favorite Ice Cream?
I have quite a few that are all tied for favorite. Any type of cake (red velvet, cupcake, birthday cake), eggnog, green tea, and pumpkin.
16. What is your favorite number?
17. What's your favorite colour/s?
Favorites, in order: Navy blue, creme/offwhite, dark purple, pale yellow.
18. What's your favorite holiday?
Christmas by far, and not just because there's presents. I love that it creeps up on you all of December with the carols and the atmosphere and the smells of pine and cinnamon...the BAM! It hits you.
19. Do you like coffee?
I prefer tea or hot chocolate, but HC has no caffeine. =/
20. How many glasses of water a day do you drink on average?
I'm bad when it comes to drinking water. Maybe up to 6 cups on a good day. 2 on a bad day.
21. What do you drink in the morning?
Usually water or tea if I even have breakfast.
22. Would you rather kiss someone with or without a tongue ring?
Without. I'm not a very good supporter of piercings in places other than your ears.
23. Do you sleep on a certain side of the bed?
No, but that's because I've only ever slept in a twin. Not much room to begin with. I do like facing the wall though.
26. Any plans for this week?
Working out during the week, high chance of a hall beach day this weekend. Gotta use up this good weather while we can.
27. Do you eat out or at home more often?
Home, if you call the dining hall "home."
28. How big is your TV?
Don't have one here. The one at home is maybe 24" wide. It's tiny.
29. Ever stolen a street sign?
No. I've stolen traffic cones though.
30. Do you keep a piggy bank?
Yes. It's shaped like Mickey Mouse.
31. What kind of camera do you have?
I don't, but I'll need to get one of my own soon if I'm going to be a serious film major.
32. Have you ever been in an ambulance?
No thank goodness.
33. Do you prefer an ocean or a pool?
Pool I guess. The Pacific ocean up here is usually too cold.
34. Do you prefer a window seat or an aisle seat?
35. Do you know how to drive a stick shift?
Nope. It doesn't look that hard though. I think I could learn.
36 Whats your favorite thing to spend money on?
Favorite? Probably clothing, shoes, makeup, etc. I'm such a girl!
37. Do you wear any jewelry 24/7? 
No. I used to wear two black jelly bracelets constantly. Those have been replaced by a red rubber band. ;)
38. Do you speak any other language?

Three years of spanish and I still can't speak it.
39. Can you roll your tongue?
Yes. I can even lick my elbow with it!
40. Who is the funniest person you know?
I don't know. I laugh at a lot of things.
41. Do you sleep with stuffed animals?
...Yes. They're at the foot of my bed. I have two Build-A-Bears (a cheetah and an elephant), a black Bath&Body Works sheep, a giraffe, a little Mickey Mouse, and a TY Beanie Baby lobster.
42. Do you still have clothes from when you were little?
A green cardigan...that still fits. Hey, that's gotta count for something.
43. Huh?
44. Do you shut off the water when you brush your teeth?
45. Do you currently hate someone?
All the people I hate are either back home or attending another university, so I don't hate them as much than if I saw them here every day.
47. What are you listening to?
The hum of my laptop.
48. Are you single ?
Nope. Not for two years now.
49. Are you organized?
Kind of. It depends on where you look.
50. Do you collect anything?
Movie tickets kind of.

Ooooook, really long post tonight. Sorry about that. I hope you girls are having a good night and if not I hope you have a better tomorrow! Sending everyone good vibes. At least I'm sure not all of you are getting your first wisdom tooth in! Haha.

♥ Toni

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