Eating like a "normal person," why why why?

Alright so I haven't posted in a few days so I was quite surprised to see two new followers! Welcome, I very much enjoy your company. Feel free to message me or comment any time. (^-^)

The past few days have been alright. I totally fucked up on any remote fast I thought I would have. Thursday was ok, yesterday was terrible. On Thursday I had a cup of fruit salad, a cup of sauteed zucchini, a slices of cantaloupe, and one potato wedge which all came to 265 calories. Dinner was a bit worse. Aaron and I stopped my his dorm's dining hall to find a diner-inspired college night. I tried to keep it light but ended up with 6 bites of chicken pot pie, 2 oz of mac-n-cheese, 2.5 oz of "milkshake" (really just chocolate frozen yogurt; the texture was horrible), a chicken tender with ranch dressing and a piece of apple pie which accumulated to around 650 calories. But I burned 600 at the gym (135.25 lb weigh-in, gah!) for a grand total of 315 calories. Meh, not terrible.

Yesterday I decided to start my day off with half of a belgian waffle with 3 tbsp of syrup and a pat of butter (350 cal), 5 oz of orange juice (65 cal) for a breakfast total of 415 calories. I didn't want to eat lunch because I was going out to sushi for my friend Jenna's birthday, but I ended up having a small salad with ranch (120 cal), an ciabatta roll (170), and 2 chocolate chip cookies (180 cal) for a lunch total of 470 calories. This plus the 400 calorie sushi roll I had for dinner and the alcohol/chasers I had last night and the misc food I had as a result of smoking weed, which comes to 875 calories! WTF?! Even with the 765 calories I burned at the gym it comes to a total of 1395 calories. Holycrapshootmenow. I'm sure the 2 lbs I lost at my weigh-in yesterday (133 lbs) are going to be fucked up because of last night. Ugh I don't even like alcohol. The taste is disgusting.

I'm totally done for the day. I've already had 12 oz of cranberry juice, a cup of hot coco, and breakfast burrito which is 630 calories. No more anything for me today except water. I need to get to my next goal weight asap.

A few things have happened to me over the last week that I keep forgetting to jot down here. The first is that I've started to get compliments on my fading figure. About a week ago I asked my best friend (the one that I went to sushi with) if it looks like I've lost any weight. She said she wasn't sure but said it was mostly because I've been wearing loose clothing. The next day she said I looked thinner than I was a few months ago, which I took as the friend-being-a-friend-and-giving-compliments thing, but I know she's sincere. A few days ago though another friends of mine out of the blue said I looked a lot thinner and two nights ago when my boyfriend and I were getting down to nookie time he said I looked better than the last time we had sex. Of course to all of these comments I say thank you politely but inside I think "No, I still have 20 lbs to go! Can't you see all this weight I still need to lose?" Of course I can't say that, but it's what I've been thinking lately. I'm halfway to my goal but all I can think about is how I'm going to get to that elusive 112 lbs. Sigh...

Also, even though I'm only in chapter two, Wasted so far has been pretty freaking good. I've never read a memoir about an eating disorder and it's pretty freaky to see some of the similarities between Marya and myself. Olivia: it's a good read. You should definitely check it out.

Ok I'm sorry to keep rambling on. Hopefully next post will be minimal personal/food stuff and mostly thinspo, and I know we all enjoy that. =)

♥ Toni