Sunday, March 13, 2011

A few rays of light in an otherwise depressing day

Oh today was not a very good day. Besides it being just downright blase I was hit with a few blows:

First off Aaron and I had a looong discussion about our relationship today. We're actually still discussing it via text as I write this. We're not happy, he's depressed, I'm angry, we fight, or we don't speak, and now I have the addition of this lovely set of distorted eating habits (although he still doesn't know about them) to get in the way of us.

Second, a person pulled out of our living arrangements for next year and the remaining 5 of us have to scramble to find someone who's willing to live in an apartment with four girls and one guy next year. I also stayed up until 6:30 am (spring forward, if it weren't for that I'd be asleep by 5:30) and got minimal sleep. It's Wasted's fault. It's too good.

One up side that I'm still not sure how I feel about: people have been commenting on my weight again, congratulating me on sticking to my gym plan and gushing about how much weight I've lost since the beginning of the school year. All I can do is say that awkward "thanks." You know, the kind that should say you're proud someone has taken notice but really you still feel like it's undeserved. It's nice to be noticed by people, but of course I won't let it permit me to eat a little more. I still feel like I have so much farther to go.

Food was under goal even without going to the gym (I was dead tired). I really only ate breakfast today. I had 2/3 of a breakfast burrito (555 calories total! but I ended up with only 370 because I didn't eat it all) and a chocolate chip cookie (120 cal) for a total of 490 calories. other than that all I've had is 2 mini cheese rice cakes (15 cal), a bagel crisp (20 cal), and a Risen (40 cal) for a grand total of 565 calories. 85 under goal, mini celebration.

I will go to the gym tomorrow. I'll be asleep by 2, wake up at 9:30, and leave by 11. I'm hoping to maybe, finally, after almost 2 years, break the 130's. 129.9, that's all I'm asking for. I need to lose as much weight as possible before spring break, because without the gym and my lack of will to get outside and run, I have the feeling I'll be going over my SGD limits.

I promise I'm reading all of your blogs. To be honest I'm way too down to offer any good advice. I can't even take my own damn compliments. All I have time for from here until Tuesday is gym, studying and this blog. Finals, finals, finals. Distractions from all the negativity I don't want to deal with. I'm sorry I'm being so depressing. I hope it doesn't get anyone too down. I'm just having a really crappy start to my week. =/


1 comment:

  1. Dude, I know exactly how you feel. When people comment on how awesome your new body is or how much you've lost, I just get really awkward. Like I just try to move the subject on or say 'thanks, ya' if they push. I get you. Sending you skinnies darling, I hope your day goes well!